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Astrology, Trust and Friendship
Astrology in Real Life…
I was talking to a pal, interested in forming a relationship with a person whose nature is similar to mine. I surprised myself by describing the process I go through internally when I make a new friend. I explained anyone who came in with too much too fast, a “new best friend” sort was going to make me incredibly nervous.
“When someone comes in and thinks they are going to fill up my life, I feel completely overwhelmed. I may like them initially but if my phone starts ringing off the hook, well right then I know I am not going to be able to sustain the relationship.”
She was listening intently.
“People like me have to have a chance to feel you out and if you won’t allow time for this… if you won’t allow for a natural process then why is that? I don’t know but whatever the reason, it can’t be good. And I don’t even want to know what it is. If you can’t give me time to have my feelings and process them and if you don’t need time to have and process your own feelings then I want nothing to do with you because I just know we’re entirely incompatible.”
This is my 8th house talking, I’m sure.
How (and when) do you form a friendship? What will break the deal in the process?
17 Responses to “Astrology, Trust and Friendship”
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With a Virgo Moon, Aquarius Rising and Sun on the nadir in the 4th house, I am a loner and very private so it is a rare event when I reach out towards friendship. And then I expect it to be a slow but long term. Because of that and my inherent shyness, my south node in the 5th loves the attention when someone else is very friendly and things clip along. Sometimes the friendship is a keeper, and sometimes not. With Venus opposite Saturn, there isn’t much someone can do that breaks the deal in the process, unless it’s being bossy, controlling or too opinionated about my life. Then it’s off. Often people drift off because my life as a single parent is full and I can’t give them the time or attention they may need.
P.S. - the controlling etc. part is a Pluto Moon, and that along with my Saturn retro in Scorpio opposite Venus/third house and Neptune in the 8th, the slow and longterm comes from a deep need to develop and know that I can trust the relationship…
It takes me a long time to warm up to people. Most of my friends have been people I went to work or to school with; being around them every day gave me the time I needed.
I’m not sure which of my houses is talking but I really can’t stand people that don’t get off my back and keep ringing. Hold on a minute, back off, I’m my own person, I need space!
I think I’m looking for acceptance, respect and a similar sense of humour and interests. Aren’t we all?
I find with a new friend, how that person talks about other people and how they interact with said people is far more important than how they treat me. You’re new so they’re probably on their best behaviour. Look at their social network (if it exists) and what is good/bad about it. You can get major clues to the type of relationship you will have if you spend more time together. Maybe I think this way b/c of the Aquarius ASC.
Yeah, ppl who sound like their private parts are in a vise when contacting me turn me off too…
Although the biggest turn off I have is when I’m categorized according to job, gender, marital status, looks, etc. There are many ppl who seem to not have a core sense of self and this is how they define themselves; I’d rather deal with the person who has a core sense of themselves like I do, IF they even exist (cynic voice developed over decades speaking).
Ppl who think the reason to have a relationship is to get something - they’re going to drain your battery pack - rather than know you. Another pet peeve.
This could go on and on.
Basically I prefer other species. They’re cuter too.
I’m in the slow and painful process of extracting a friend I thought was close to me but now I realize never had my best interests (or indeed, any of my interests) in mind. We’ve known each other for over ten years and I find it jarring to see that people she has known for less than six months are referred by her as her best friends. Kind of pisses me off, to tell the truth. She’s a Gemini.
I don’t have many friends and I love having friends so it has been difficult. It’s not easy for me to have shallow friendships or to hang out with people I don’t really care about, which kind of makes it hard to make new friends.
Cancer rising and an Aquarius moon in the eighth: Yup, I need a lot of space and time to open up. Those fast, octopus-sucker type people just seem fake to me. Most of my friends are people I’ve known from ~junior~ high school.
I also don’t like to be phoned up all the time - I’ve worked with phones for seven years, I don’t want to be on one at home! If it needs to be said by phone, then say it and hang up. If you’re coming over, don’t talk about everything when you call to warn me and then try to repeat it in person. (Yargh! That right there is one of my pet peeves.) Although I will every once in a while be in a “phone mood,” it’s pretty rare.
The ones I am attracted to right off the bat have all been lifelong friends. The ones I have to process usually are short term friends or people I enjoy from time to time.
Interestingly enough, I too get nervous when someone decides to be my new best friend, but I also kind of need to be pursued. Most of my closest friends are people who came to the conclusion we should be so, before I made any decisions about the situation myself. Relentlessly wearing me down actually works, because I have such a difficult time reaching out. I have no problem making very superficial friendships (Gemini rising), but for real intimacy, you have to be willing to knock down my barriers. Putting that kind of effort in shows me that you’re not going to disappear the minute I decide to really like you. I don’t, for obvious reasons, have many close friends.
a lot of what Ariel mentions is similar to my own friendship making. i, too, am a gemini rising. but i also have an 8th house stellium, so i crave those instant/intense connections.
the superficial friendships i have, i just call those people “fairweather friends”. but sometimes it’s just fun to have them for specific reasons, i guess.
i don’t have a lot of close friends either, just plenty of interesting acquaintances (i have lots of aquarius aspects/placements).
well, venus is in aries. in the eighth house. and she moves really fast. i see something i really really like (not a common thing) and i want to explore it deeply. and now. i mean… now.
which isn’t always the best thing, by any means. too easy to fall too fast. which i guess means i’m lucky saturn’s trining in so i have boundaries set up that force me to stop and think.
which gives mars in pisces (7th) the chance to test the waters. see what’s really going on underneath everything. wait until the time is right if necessary. if i don’t wait too long.
but that drive to explore, i can understand. without some kind of brakes on it, i guess it could be a bit dangerous.
it’s hard for me to say when i think someone’s coming at me too fast. it has as much to do with whether i feel they’re actually seeing me or if they’re just caught up in something in their head.
With a Libra Sun/Moon, Venus in Sadge and NN in Gemini, I enjoy people and have many acquaintances. Real friendships are few and treasured. Plus for many of us, our lives are so busy, we don’t have time for the kind of friendships we had in school.
I’m a pretty low-maintenance kind of friend once the connection is made though (lots of Scorpio) - they are tucked away in my heart & mind, and even if we don’t communicate frequently it doesn’t matter.
It was good for me to read these posts. I had someone who decided to be my “new best friend” who I actually did want to get to know, but it was way too fast and way too much talking on the phone. I eventually had to end it because I felt like I was just along for this person’s ride. I guess I like a more low-key friendship, where it is personal and deep and heartfelt, but we don’t need to call each other every time something minor happens. I have quite a few friends that I love dearly but only communicate with once or twice a year. But when we get together it is right where we left off. I guess I just don’t need a daily play-by-play, I actually find that kind of boring.
Some years ago I kept speaking of ‘one of my best friends’ to another friend ( a Gemini) and she said: ‘So who the hell’s your best friend, anyway? Everybody?’ I got pissed off and said ‘What the hell do you care if I call someone my best friend anyway?’ and we had a big cry fest…but it did change my approach to the phrase ‘best friend.’
Not only that, but I realize I have a lot of really close, great friends. I just like people, period. I have Gemini on my Descendant, and I move around. I travel a lot, I have big family, I work in an environment that sees me communicating to a lot of people, all day long. YES it is exhausting, being a goddamn chatty Kathy. But this is how life has panned out. I was depressed as a teenager, had no friends and was suicidal. When Pluto entered Sagittarius and my 12th House, I was 18, and I really busted out.
I take time outs by reading 3 hours a day by myself in the bathtub, and dreaming all night long, wonderful nights sleep. But the otherr parts of my waking life? Very social.
I make friends right of the bat. I usually know immediately when I meet someone what place they are going to have in my life. When someone tries to move to slowly, I start to feel like I’m being played. Though recently I have tried to be more understanding of people who move at different speeds that I do.
I attribute this to having Pluto on the Descendant along with Uranus in the 8th trine five planets including Venus.
As for breaking the deal, I can’t handle people who make fun of other people and then breate the other person for ‘not being able to take a joke.’
I need to feel safe and comfortable talking about private matters. And I have a zero tolerance policy for gossip.