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Are My Boyfriend and I Just Incompatible? Virgo Sun, Cancer Moon Square Pluto and Mercury
Dear Elsa,
I am five years older than my live in boyfriend, and with two teenage children. Our relationship has gone through some really trying times in regards to my two unruly children. This has created a great deal of pain in my life that I sometimes react to erratically and emotionally.
My boyfriend however has a tendency to stuff his emotions and then erupt much later. Things are better with my children and we are beyond the major conflicts but now he treats me coldly and without much affection at all. It’s as if he doesn’t want things to be better in our lives and instead chooses to brood and resent me for the past.
In turn, I take great offense to his withholding of affection and his lack of emotion and am now extremely insecure and distrusting. This vicious cycle has been going on for months now causing periodic eruptions of hate and anger. Is there any hope at all or are we largely incompatible? I feel this intense love for him, but it often turns to resentment.
Virgo
United States
Dear Virgo,
You are only 32 so if you have two teenage children, you have spent half your life raising them… you have been in service to them and now they are unruly and causing you problems. I think that right there is something most people would resent on some level, conscious or otherwise.
I also have no doubt you love your kids intensely so maybe you see what I am getting at. It is possible the setup with your boyfriend is the setup with others in your life: a pattern of caring and loving coupled with resentment. And I am sure this is fairly disturbing to read but the fact is, if I am right and you can make this conscious, it is going to open up a plethora of options for you which to me would be a very good outcome because right now you’re stuck.
Did you notice you complained your boyfriend is resentful and then copped to feeling resentful yourself? What would happen if you forgot about his resentment and focused instead on your own? If you made a list of all the things you resent, would you be surprised how much is on it? I bet you would.
And you might not like this process but if you stayed with it, I think you’d experience a deep shift in how you see things which would alter what is essentially a power struggle between you and your boyfriend.
Good luck.
~~
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Hello Elsa, I have been chatting over the phone and internet with a double pisces man for over a year. Up until recently we have felt completely in love. We hope to meet in a few months. He tells me he loves me and misses me, but lately i feel he is more interested on getting kisses and erotica than intellect and emotional connection. I dont know why, but I feel angry and at a loss that when we do talk (and lately its not as often due to his work) he is only asking for “kisses”. Is it reasonable to be angry or am i just being an over analytical, crabby, perhaps suspicious virgo?