The soldier and I:

“Yeah, well I didn’t know anything about sex when I met you,” he said. “Or I knew very little. You on the other hand knew everything and then some.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, so you had to teach me and you did teach me. I was always the learner in the situation but I did learn. In fact, I went the rest of my life on what I learned from you in regards to sex.”

I didn’t answer because I was a little embarrassed.

“Yeah we were lucky, P. We got to do all that stuff together. We got to play around all kinds of ways. We did all this experimenting and we did so much… well I just had no idea how you knew all you did about sex so finally I just had to ask you because I was dying of curiosity. So I said, where did you learn all this stuff anyway?”

“Did I tell you?”

“Yeah. You said you used to read dirty books in the shed when you were a kid. You had these dirty books.”

I roared. “Oh my God. I don’t remember that. Oh, well I do now. Yeah, I did have some books. So what did you say to that?”

“I said, dirty books huh? Well what else did you learn in those things? Show me.”

We both snorted.

‘And so you did. You showed me everything. Everything there was to show me you showed me. But you said this like it was the most normal thing in the world. You said you read dirty books in the shed, as if everyone should do it,” he said with a snort. “We should all have some dirty books out the shed for reading. Each and every one of us, this is the way it should be!”

“Oh God,” I said, blushing. “Well I guess I believe that. Damned if I know. Is that not normal? It’s normal, isn’t it? What would you do if you found dirty books in the shed? Would you read them? What are you going to do? Give ‘em to your mom?”

“Oh, I’d read them for sure. I’d read them. But anyway, I went the rest of my life doing what I learned from you. And women liked it too.”

I shook my head. “They told you that? They said they liked it?”

“Well yeah. And they’d say, hey what’s that? Where did you learn to do that?”

I snorted. “Oh my God. So I know what you were thinking. You were thinking about me.”

“Of course I was thinking about you. And it was all I could do not to say so too. I always wanted to say, this? Where did I learn his? Well I learned this from Elsa P who read dirty books out in her shed!” he said brightly.

I was blushing and laughing my head off.

“Because that’s what I was thinking. But that’d not been good to say so I didn’t say it. I kept it to myself but I can’t tell you how many times in my life I thought about this. I thought about you and your books in the shed. And of what you’d done for me when it came to sex. And I thought I really ought to thank that Elsa P. She really set me up. And these women? Well they I ought to thank her too and by the way…”

“What?”

“I sure wish they were her. I wish I was with her right now because damn do I miss that Elsa P.”

“Oh God. You should have called me. You should have called me right there on the spot. Ouch. Ouch, ouch, ouch ouch. For everyone involved why didn’t you pick up the phone?”