Astrology and Love: Lowering Your Expectations To Improve Your Relationships

19 Responses to “Astrology and Love: Lowering Your Expectations To Improve Your Relationships”

1. alovlylife says on 7/3/07 at 11:35 am:
   

   venus in libra. I dont expect much from my friends at all. Just being there for each other when we can is enough.

2. Piya says on 7/3/07 at 11:52 am:
   

   Oh, now I get it. Because I was confused (why would I settle for less in a friend or a man?) but now that you’re talking about solving your own problems and self-sufficiency and so forth I understand. No one person can solve all your problems and you’re in for some hurt if you think they can.

3. Neith says on 7/3/07 at 12:05 pm:
   

   Venus in Sagde. That’s what I thought you meant the first time but after reading the other comments it’s clear why you choose further clarification.

   BTW - personally I believe it’s just as important to have deliverable expectations for one’s self too. It’s a whole lot easier to make progress if you don’t expect to achieve perfection in a day . . . or in my case, this lifetime!!

   Is this unrealistic expectation thing cultural to the USA? IMO, it sure ain’t healthy!!

4. Piya says on 7/3/07 at 12:20 pm:
   

   @Neith: It may not be cultural to the US (however, I have never been in a relationship with a non-American) but it does tie in with this sort of instant-gratification-no-responsibility attitude that I’ve noticed, like people suing McDonald’s because they made them fat or this awful story I heard about a twenty two-year-old woman getting thigh work done instead of exercising … she was only twenty two.

5. Lis says on 7/3/07 at 1:03 pm:
   

   I used to be a super-romantic (Jupiter and Neptune in 7th) when I was younger, but not now, not at all. I used to think I wasn’t complete without a partner, but after getting into relationships and finding I actually wanted a lot of space, I had to think about what I really wanted.

   Expecting relationships to be magical elixirs for hurt and pain and loneliness never works. You have to find out who YOU are first. All the time I spent alone, which made me very upset when I was younger, is something I cherish now.

   Venus in Virgo, conjunct Pluto and Uranus.

6. joana says on 7/3/07 at 3:10 pm:
   

   I understand the need to be realistic about relationships (Venus-Saturn conjunction) and I think that is what you meant.
   But with Venus in Scorpio in the 7th (also conj. Pluto) what else can I expect apart from a transforming and deep relationship?
   That doesn’t mean it will sort out all my problems, probably why I’m not in a relationship at all!

   But crucial to me is what you said: never settle for less. Never, never, never!

7. joana says on 7/3/07 at 3:11 pm:
   

   Lis - you’ve read my mind there Great comment!

8. SaturnineScholar says on 7/3/07 at 3:26 pm:
   

   Venus in Gemini in the seventh: almost conjunct Sun (10 degrees orb is a bit much for me), conjunct Mercury (9 degrees), trine Moon (7 degrees), opposite Uranus (5 degrees), trine Jupiter (3 degrees), and, most importantly, trine Saturn (off by minutes).

   My expectations have gone from being dangerously low to high, but fair. By that I don’t mean that I now necessarily desire some sort of godlike youth figure, but I do demand someone who has a sense of independence and enough autonomy that he can responsibly entertain himself while I spend time with my close friends (I have lots of close friends of both genders, and we hug and all that stuff, and if someone can’t handle that, he and I will not work out).

   Do you think that the fact that the move to Virgo also coincides with the move out of Neptune’s grip (more or less) will contribute to the dropping of the scales, as it were? Saturn will have more room to be himself AND he will be moving out his sign of classical detriment.

9. elsie says on 7/3/07 at 3:35 pm:
   

   your dog isn’t going to break out meowing and your cat isn’t going to bark — every person has his/her own set of limitations and horizons. but tell me my head is in the clouds or i’m dreaming (it wouldn’t be the first time ;-)) i just want the best from those around me and i’ll do whatever i can to give that back — even give first. when someone i just know has it in him to be a wonderful, warm and caring human — i’ve seen it — backtracks into some kind of selfish, unresponsive and lazy lifestyle, it drives me nuts. i try and try to reach out — you should see me dance — until i totally give up. what do you do about that? in other words, what do you do, when someone that you have excellent reasons to think you ‘know’ morphs into a stranger?

10. Elsa says on 7/3/07 at 4:00 pm:
    

    SaturnineScholar writes>>> - Do you think that the fact that the move to Virgo also coincides with the move out of Neptune’s grip (more or less) will contribute to the dropping of the scales, as it were? Saturn will have more room to be himself AND he will be moving out his sign of classical detriment.>>>>

    I wasn’t thinking in such technical terms. I had just come across this idea of lowering standards and was more thinking of the shift from Jupiter and Pluto in high flying Sag… into the EARTH signs. Saturn also moving into earth seems it will ground people, plus you have Saturn moving out and away from Neptune. That’s why in the original post I think (too lazy to verify!) I wrote something about having a relationship that was real if not ideal. There is just going to be a major shift into Earth here pretty quick…. whole new movie! Anyway, I was thinking broadly here… it’s a theory.

11. Gloria says on 7/3/07 at 4:03 pm:
    

    I have asked elsa a question about “why does he not want to be an ‘official boyfriend’?” and she told me i should take his feelings into consideration as it is not easy for all men to make the kind of commitment as quickly as I wish and allow what really matters be my main concern and focus…
    to be honest, it took me awhile until I fully digest what she meant and try to see things not only from my perspective, from “what I think it’s best for US”…
    anyway, so it’s been over a year now, he and i have grown closer and more emotionally intimate than I ever have with anyone before; especially these few recent weeks… it sounds crazy but all of a sudden it seems as though it has become MORE OBVIOUS than ever before that he REALLY tries and make special efforts to keep this relationship growing…. needless to say, we have become closer, more open with one another- with affection AND vulnerabilites, fears….
    anyway, before you start wondering what does it have to do with the “lowering expectation” topic… well, it sure does! It doesn’t mean settling at all, but it means looking at things with a different pair of eyes, getting over your own self when you are in a RELATIONSHIIP with another person… also, finding what is really right for YOU despite what you used to think, or by any type of “standards” …it used to bother me to no ends when he just won’t make it “offical” with me and call ourselves boyfriend girlfriends… it made me think that he is un trustworthy, that he’s keeping his options open, etc…. well, even if things aren’t the way they are today, even if he indeed is mr. playboy… when it comes down to it, no one will ever be able to satisfy me unless I take responsibility to make it happen for myself- be it becoming more self-reliant, self-assured, thru self-improvement, etc…. and i think by honoring the “live and let live” attitude, this man becomes more willing to be around, more willing to make it work, to go the extra mile to keep meet me half way…does it make sense? i hope so… it’s just funny how once you lower your so-called expectations and take a look at yourself and ask if you are being fair… lowering your expectation is far from settling… it’s becoming realistic… see things as THEY ARE and take responsbility for yourself. You will find one of two things- you are either happy or you are not… but remember, no matter what you want, it’s completely up to you.

12. Lupa says on 7/3/07 at 4:49 pm:
    

    Venus in Cancer. I am very giving in relationships and have learned to have very good boundaries and realistic expectations of people. I love this theory and I think it could be really good for all of us to take a more realistic approach to relationships.

13. kashmiri says on 7/3/07 at 10:02 pm:
    

    I voted sky-high. That’s right, baby! I want love, respect, kindness and attentive sex on demand or I’m outta here.
    I’m not kidding: I give %110 percent in my relationships. But what are my expectations?
    They ALL relate to emotions: see above. I need kindness, I need a gentle voice, I need honesty and I need sex. I don’t need you to call me every day, or buy me presents, or whisper sweet nothings in my ear.
    I need you to be GOOD to me. If you can’t do it, so be it. No hard feelings, but goodbye.

    (Venus conjunct Mars in Aries)

14. Nina says on 7/4/07 at 11:26 am:
    

    Elsa - as always, thank you!!
    And upon a re-read, I can see that I misunderstood the intent of your post by using the word “settling”.

15. sighs says on 7/4/07 at 11:45 am:
    

    um, venus in aquarius in the 8th house.

    I demand transformative experiences with intense people. I can’t stand shallowness. and i am not an easy person to get close to either. i’ve never been in relationships but i have know i want a best friend and a good lover with my package.

16. goddess says on 7/4/07 at 8:47 pm:
    

    I have Venus in Scorpio. I voted “High.” I expect both of us in any relationship to do our best, but understand at times, we’ll be on different wavelengths, you know?

17. Amber says on 7/5/07 at 3:17 am:
    

    The concept of lowering expectations (not standards!) is priceless. Still - I have my expectations up at ‘high’ - that’s virgo for you I suppose. But I can drop and adjust them - they’re not a fixed rigid thing. Venus in scorp.

18. Neith says on 7/5/07 at 9:09 am:
    

    Amber!! Bless you! My poor brain has fried circuits from this Mercury Rx so I missed the distinction you found!! Standards = High!! Expectations = Low!

    And that’s why Virgos are very high on my list!!

19. ELLE says on 12/9/08 at 1:08 pm:
    

    Scorpio Sun, Venus in Libra here.

    I think standards get adjusted as one grows older. Mine are now what you may call “realistic”.

    Less expectations = less disappointments

    And I believe we should not measure our partner against our “the right one” scale, but strive to be the right one for them.

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