Speaking of slow vehicles (which I loathe)…

“Remember those horses, P? Remember we went to ride those horses in the desert one day but the horses wouldn’t go anywhere?”

“I don’t remember.”

“No? Well those horses were broken. We wanted to ride but they just wanted to go back to the stable. Go so far on the trail and then turn around,” he said. “Don’t you remember? We were singing,” he said.

“Singing on horses? Singing what?” I asked.

“Well our spurs go jingle, jangle, jingle
As we ride so merrily along…” he sang.

It’s the stupidest song on the planet.

“Oh God. I do remember.”

“Yeah. We decided we were going horseback riding so we pulled up at this stable. We were on our bikes and they were practicing their barrel races, all these cowboys in this big corral. Or whatever they call that. A big area where they ride around barrels. Remember, P?”

“I do,” I said with a groan.

“Spurs go jingle, jangle, jingle…” he sings some more. “So we pulled up at this corral, dirt flying. We were on our bikes and they didn’t know what was going on. The horse people I mean. Here we come, this motorcycle gang of two.”

I snickered.

“Yeah, you know how we were. You in your green flight jacket and those yellow pants. We pulled right on up there like we own the place and we were going to ride!”

I snorted.

“But no. They gave us there horses… they were broken, P. They wouldn’t go anywhere. And we were singing. Spurs go jingle, jangle, jingle…”

“I wasn’t singing. I’m not going to sing that stupid song with you,” I said.

“Yep, that’s what you said then. Shut up with that stupid song you said. You were riding behind me on the slowest horse there ever was. They just wouldn’t go at all. They refused to move,” he said. “But at least we got to sing that song. Well our spurs, go jingle, jangle, jingle!”

He was belting out the song.

“Those horses were crap. Those were not horses.”

“I know. But we didn’t pay much to ride them so what do you expect? What did we pay? Three bucks? I think we paid three bucks to ride those things and it was worth it just to sing. Weren’t you happy, P? I was. I was happy just a-singin’ that song. Spurs go jingle, jangle, jingle…

“Happy? NO! Say you take a Lamborghini and strap it to the back of a turtle. How do you that feels? It’s not fun. I was riding behind you wanting to kill you dead for putting me on this slow animal that I had to feel sorry for no less. I had to feel guilty for having my body weight on this poor wretched thing. And I was out there to ride a horse. A real horse that puts wind in my hair! Instead I wind up on this freakishly slow sweating thing complete with flies, following you, clip, clop, with you singing and telling me what a good time this is!”

“Well I had a good time, P. And you would have too had you just sung the song.”

“God.”

“Don’t you like that song, P? Don’t you like singing cowboy songs in the desert?”

“Oh shut up. For Godsakes, shut up about your spurs.”

If you do not understand my pain, just take a listen… (I Got Spurs That) Jingle, Jangle, Jingle (1:57) Sing Cowboy Sing: The Gene Autry Collection