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Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: The Psychology And The Shadow Side Of Families
Astrology in Real Life
Speaking of families where one or more members are invisible, projected upon, or forced to carry the shadow for the group, I am trying to improve my level of understanding and acceptance of this. Because as common as this is, to me it’s a foreign culture.
My family is very overt. Everyone knows who everyone is because every single one of us has a strong Moon Jupiter signature and we will tell you who we are.
Now if you misunderstand us, we will tell you again with our voice raised first loud and then louder and if you continue to misunderstand, we will probably pick up a brick and hit you with it.
Considering this, there is not a lot of confusion in my family so what happens to someone like me when I go into a family where there’s nothing but confusion?
Well, my instinct is to confront.
“Whaaat? That person is not the cause of your ills! What the hell is the matter with you? Are you out of your mind? Where did you come up with some jacked up story like that?!?”
You can imagine the scene. You have this family all assembled with their family story and what? Some loud Italian is going to go in and set them straight? ::shakes head:: That can’t be right.
But fact is this causes and enormous disconnect for me because I don’t know where the line is. For example, if I am eating dinner with a bunch of Japanese, I would try (TRRRRRY) to keep my voice down and do like the natives.
Understanding this, does it follow if I am eating dinner with the deluded, I should pretend to be deluded myself? Or pretend they are not deluded? I’m thinking this is the case.
Because my friends (I have more than one who carry the shadow for their family) are somewhat comfortable being treated the way they are. At least they are used to it and it would not be good for me to go into someone else’s family and start banging pots and pans… wrecking the place. Would probably do more harm than good.
So right now I am trying to figure out how I may contort myself so a scenario like this is tolerable. Because it’s becoming apparent to me that families who are strung like this are very hard-wired and it seems I need accept this the way I do the climate or other things I cannot control.
But on the other hand the analogy that occurs to me is that of the SS beating down the Jew. And I am being asked to witness but not intervene? This is painful.
Observations anyone?
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15 Responses to “Pluto Transit To The Moon - Mine: The Psychology And The Shadow Side Of Families”
I think it’s harder to know what to do when confronted with a situation foreign to your experience. I always try to take the middle way - I cannot control others, but neither do I want others/situations to control me or stifle my truth. I can’t see it as black or white….it’s all grey. There are times to respect the ambiance or consciousness level of the situation, and there are times when the truth of your being may plant the seeds for change…if done in a nurturing, gentle and neutral manner, if that makes sense.
In general, I would say let people fight their own battles. Counsel and console the person who is being picked on, by all means, but I don’t think much will come from confronting the family.
As bad as it is, this might be an experience that person needs to have - to learn to fight for themselves, or have boundaries or whatever.
I also wouldn’t discount setting an example, that is often more effective than words in some situations, especially with deluded people.
Sadly, some people prefer to wallow in the dark their whole lives, as opposed to pushing forward to get out of their black holes towards the light of the Moon. Astrologically, are those with Moon-Pluto signatures doomed to delusion? Thats where free will comes into play, they can choose or not choose to be that way, and we can also choose or not choose how to deal with the deluded.
As they say….the truth will set you free.
“Are those with Moon-Pluto signatures doomed to delusion?”
Nope. I have Moon square Pluto, and I am not delusional, I swear! *laughs*
Elsa, I have been wondering of this too as of late as a friend’s mother is close to becoming homeless due to the nature of her addictions. The ‘kids’ are now in their 40s and do not want to step in, because they have been called upon to do so their ENTIRE lives and their emotions are depleted.
I have been asked to help (as an information gatherer for the ‘kids’). I fantasize about telling the mother to go fuck herself as she has inflicted infinite amounts of pain upon her children and they want to be free of it.
I would never do that though. I don’t get involved in other people’s families. There is a lot going on there, pyschically, karmically, historically.
Elsa I think you’re being called upon to witness but you can emit knowledge to these people in a variety of ways. But it seems it would require learning this family’s language or teaching them yours…
Unfortunately my middle brother is in the same position. My whole family is against him, they just project all their issues on him, verbaly abuse him all the time and he is a shadow of a man, caught in this circle where he is now so beat, so full of self-hate that he is emotionaly dependent on them.He tried Scientology to try and become mentaly/emotionaly stonger but it was a quick fix and he went back to the old ways. I spoke to my psychologist about this since I wanted to help him, but he siad that until he asks for help himself, until he admits to himself that things arent working and he should get outside help, than no one can help him. If therapy was pushed on him, it would have failed. So in the end , one should be there for that person, give comfort without judgemenent and wait for the moment to be asked for advice on the matter. Also when the family is toxic, it is usualy the healthiest person that is the only one exhibiting depresion or an emotional breakdown. It hapens as a means for the psyche to let the person know that that enviroment is toxic and that he should get away. I hope this helps.
People see what they’re ready to see and hear what they’re ready to hear. You can try to confront them, but it never works. I guess that if someone’s willing to be led, you can kind of leave them a trail of breadcrumbs for them to follow, but they’ve got to be ready to take the journey.
Elena,
Yes, I have noticed that the one having the nervous breakdown is often the strongest, and finally has been pushed to the point of exhaustion! I witnessed 4 friends have complete breakdowns in the last few months. Half of my friends are on antidepressants now. I dont know if that is or is not the answer, but seems to be the medical communities answer.
As a person dealing with so many friends having breakdowns lately, the best thing I know to do is to just sit quietly and listen and respond with Love.
My advice is always not to interfere. Families are complicated, and their patterns are set up the way they are for a reason - usually so hard wired that they are both resistant to change and in some ways maintained by every member of the family system.
As a friend you can comfort and reassure and offer an alternative view of reality to the person who is being picked on, but going in there with guns blazing will not only do jack shit to change stuff it will likely backfire.
I say this as a family therapist who has learned not to side with the victim (because in doing that, we often lost the whole family and the victim didn’t end up helped in any way at all). So while shouting and confronting may feel good it won’t actually do any good at all, but may instead do great harm.
“Are those with Moon-Pluto signatures doomed to delusion?”
I can’t say, since I have a Moon-Pluto signature, lol!
But I will say that, once you see some of the ways in which you are deluded, then you start to realize that *everyone* is deluded in one way or another. Of course, some people’s delusions hurt people more than others… but in general, everyone is walking around with a bubble over their heads and everyone thinks their bubble is “reality,” when in fact it is only one of many bubbles (even talking about this is a bubble, I suppose). Delusion can be dysfunctional, but at base, our concept of “self” depends on delusion, so what are you gonna do?
I think the trick is to realize everyone’s in a bubble and not take your opinions and views too seriously, because after all, everyone thinks their views are “right,” or at least “reality.”
From observation, I’ve noticed some families are like being in the circus.
There is a cute little dog, the one handpicked to jump thru the hoops. Oh this little dog (sometimes the runt of the litter) is young, naive, trainable, and eager to jump thru hoops to get to that little snack reward at the end. Over time, this little dog does it over and over automatically without thinking. The trainer then raises the hoops a little higher, making the dog work harder. The little dog gets frustrated yet is still obsessed with getting that little satisfaction of a snack, at the other end. Because in daily life, there are no special snacks. Only when he jumps thru the hoops.
One day the dog gets old, tired, may refuse to play the jumping game and even starts snapping and biting others (who have nothing to do with the situation) out of frustration. The dog is suddenly not so cute, is ignored as damaged goods as if its all his fault. Said dog may be replaced with a younger similar unsuspecting dog or naive puppy and the cycle of puppetry behaviour for one fleeting gobble of comfort continues.
How many of us, at some point in our lives, were that little dog?
Here, here, marswoman. (I hope I spelled “here,here” right. It should mean “yes, me too.”
But I did it by myself no one made me or promised me any snacks. My brothers were horrible in school, so I thought that if I’m an A student, I’ll get more affection. not so. They were so used to me being a miss goody-two-shoes that I wasn’t even noticed and all the attention went into ‘fixing’ my brothers.
Now everything I do is ‘pre-cheked’ by me to see if I’m doing it for me or to get someone else’s attention.
Among my siblings, I would say that we are straight forward. We don’t know how to lie. I was trying to figure out why my parents made one of my brothers the scrapegoat of the family.
Anyhow, I was reading an astrology book about family and family karma. It said something about secrets in my family, secret children, so forth and so on. I immediately rejected it. Since then so many secrets have come out about earlier generations. My methodist hellfire great grandmother had to go to another state to give birth to my grandmother, because she was unwed at the time. My greatgrandfather was eventually pressured to marry her.
My grandmother was pregnant when she married my grandfather. The child died. My father and siblings did not know about this child until recently.
Then last year, my dad told me that he had two illegitimate children very close to the ages of my youngest brothers.
I was nearly 50 before I found out the shadow side of the family. I wouldn’t assume that there is no shadows.
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I totally relate to this..as the strong kid in my dysfunctional family, for “speaking up” and telling it like it is, I was labeled The Official Black Sheep. When in fact they were the toxic black sheep emotionally vomiting all over everyone. Projection indeed and not a pretty view. Mix in a religious upbringing, force fed church against your will 6 days a week, warned that you were going to burn in hell, and if you rebelled you were labeled a Sinner, and then ignored like you didnt exist. Any shred of normal tlc, even medical care..were denied. What a toxic stew..these people were so unhappy they made a lifetime out of making others miserable and thought they had the right to do so. I packed my bags at 19 and left, never looking back.
A childhood exposed to this crap made me painfully aware, took 3 years of therapy to get the negative programming out of my head. I thank the stars for my Sun-Mars strength. Sadly, I’m seeing this scenario played out with a dear friend …his ex’s family thinks the reason they are having marital problems is because he doesnt attend church. They refuse to admit their less than lovely daughter was the source of the drugs/fights/pre-divorce.