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Leo Woman In Long Term Relationship Wants Children - Gemini Boyfriend Does Not: Saturn Return and Baby Clock Ticking
Dear Elsa,
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a total of 7 years now. We broke up once before (after 9 months of dating in 2000), remained “friends” for a few years (basically a couple without a formal title) and officially rekindled the relationship again in 2002.
Him being a Gemini causes him to be very wishy washy sometimes. One topic in particular has been children. One month he wants them, another month he doesn’t. I become very annoyed by his indecisiveness and asked that he make a decision on whether he really wants children or not. He came to me about a month later after me asking him and said NO he doesn’t want children. Of course I was devastated because I didn’t believe he would say NO.
This topic has caused much tension in our relationship. It feels as if we’re on the verge of a break up. He believes we can work it out but I do not see how. What could possibly be the middle ground? I love him tremendously! He is a wonderful guy and an excellent boyfriend but I would eventually like to have children in the distant future. Therefore, I am wondering is his decision is based on his tendency to be indecisive, which is a Gemini trait.
Is there hope or should we just end the relationship now and move on?
Baby Clock Ticking
United States
Dear Clock,
I am sorry but it does not sound as if your boyfriend is ambivalent when it comes to having children. I am sure he knows how important this is to you, in spite of your supposed willingness to delay and accommodate him. And he has still given you a firm NO. And I agree with you. There is no middle ground on this issue.
Having children is by far the most demanding and long-lasting commitment you can make in this life, and it’s not something that should be undertaken with half a heart. You seem to understand this completely so the bottom line question is this:
Will he transform into a person with priorities more in line with yours? He may but I doubt it. He says he does not want children and I think you should take him at his word, even though this puts you in a heart-wrenching and untenable situation. But fact is you are almost 27 and heading into your Saturn Return, and I can virtually guarantee that your baby clock is going to continue to tick-tock until it becomes deafening. And if you override it, then what?
If you override it and stay with this man who will not give you a baby, then he is what you’re going to have as far as a baby goes - and it is going to be damned hard not to resent that.
Good luck.
~~
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6 Responses to “Leo Woman In Long Term Relationship Wants Children - Gemini Boyfriend Does Not: Saturn Return and Baby Clock Ticking”
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In the end you must be true to yourself. Someone once told me that love doesn’t mean MEANT TO BE. You can love this man and still acknowledge that he may truly not be your future. Good luck!
It is difficult for Fixed signs to let go of a relationship but this one, sadly enough, looks like it isn’t going to work. I still remember the first shock of realizing that perfect relationship scenario in my head was an absolute no go. Cried my eyes out and mourned my poor broken heart. If having children is really high on your list, then be up front about it with all potential partners. It’s what we hide from ourselves and others that can come back to bite us big time. . .
Yup, babies are the one uncompromisable dealbreaker above all others. There is no hope.
If it’s any consolation (speaking as a non-child-wanter), people who want kids FAR outnumber those who don’t, so it’ll probably be easier for you to find someone else who wants them.
I am not one for comments-but this is serious business. As a Taurus sun with Cancer moon-I want kids and I want them yesterday. I couldn’t be with some who didn’t-definitely a deal breaker. But like Jennifer said-people who want kids far outnumber those who don’t. I head Brad Pitt wants 7. = )hehehe
Thanks Elsa! Also, thanks to all who posted comments. I am the one this post is in regards to. I just wanted to say I do not want children now. My clock isn’t ticking right now. Actually I baby-sat this weekend and it made it tick even less (laugh). But the reason I asked for the advice from Elsa is because even though I am unsure of wanting children myself I like having the option and being that HE is always wishy washy about different subjects I didn’t know if to take him seriously, when he said No. I just finish reading an old conversation we had via IM where he said he didn’t want to get married I forgot that I saved that conversation. Two years later guess what? That’s right marriage is on the top of his agenda. So I hope you can see how I’ve been confused in regards of leaving a wonderful boyfriend that might or might not change his mind in the future.
Dont lose heart, he may as you say change his mind (sounds to me like he’s maybe just a little scared - big resposibilty etc). My step sisters husband didnt want them for years either..cant remember exactly how she persuaded him but he’s gaga over the kid now. You’ve plenty of time yet and the time may be needed to decide if you can live with such indecision