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She Can’t Get Over Him - He Pushes Her Away: Cardinal T-Square
Hi Elsa,
I dated a guy last fall that I can’t seem to get over, no matter how hard I try. He has a way of pulling me in - and then as soon as I reciprocate and return his feelings, he pushes me away. When we were dating, as soon as he was starting to let me in emotionally/physically, he decided he didn’t have time for a relationship. I was devastated and tried to cut him off and move on.
Then last month, he called and told me he had been in a tragic accident (confirmed by friends) and I got pulled right back in. Of course, I felt bad for him and asked him if I could help. Once again, I got the silent treatment and he’s pushing me away by not answering calls or returning messages, etc.
Elsa, I still have feelings for this guy - on many levels - and I can’t get rid of them. I feel deep in his heart he cares about me… but like me, he is afraid to let anyone close and get hurt. I know that you can’t help someone who doesn’t want it, but I feel he wants someone to try. I don’t know what to do, but at this point I’m willing to do my part to make this work. How can I do this with him?
Potential Girlfriend
Iran
Dear Girlfriend,
I read your post at least ten times over the course of several days, hoping it would make sense - but I’ve had no luck. So how about I ask you some questions and maybe we’ll both get some clarity.
What is the reason you want this guy who devastated you? Is it your terrific history? What terrific history?
Can you possibly be this powerless? How? How do you manage this with 7 planets in Cardinal signs?
And last, how can you even consider “working’ on a relationship that does not exist?
Now I think it’s a challenge to keep a relationship together when you’ve got all kinds of things going for you. Things like fun and love, chemistry and sexual compatibility. There are plenty of couples who have these type of connections and they still struggle to be together. So it is beyond me how in the world you think you are going to be able to form and maintain a bond with someone who by deed is showing you he does not want you around. I mean, the guy is not answering your calls. He’s ignoring you. Have you no pride?
I see the Aries in your chart… I see Saturn and perhaps you want a difficult challenge and that’s fine. But how about you pick a challenge that will afford you a prize worth having? And does this guy sound like that? Not to me.
I say cut the rope with this guy and find another way to be a hero. Because I think when you get right down to it, this is what you actually want - which makes this guy irrelevant.
Good luck.
~~
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11 Responses to “She Can’t Get Over Him - He Pushes Her Away: Cardinal T-Square”
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Girlfriend, it sounds to me like you’re dealing with a typically evasive kind of guy - the one that can’t live with you nor without you, the one that wants commitment but pretends he doesn’t because he fears it. Apart from all the astrology, this is a question of psychology and unless he recognizes his pattern of behavior, your relationship will never develop from that cycle of approximation-separation. And you obviously deserve more than that. Good luck!
well he wasn’t a jerk when we first met! we actually had a lot of things in common, we had fun together, learned new things from each other, and the chemistry was fantastic. We were classmates and he would teased and flirted for over a year before I returned his interest and we started dating. He was very considerate, caring, perceptive, and interested in me. This bizarre situation only began after we started getting closer emotionally - at his initiative. One week he was all over me and the next day he started to act all distant. I have no idea what I could have done and furthermore he stays in touch from time to time. Last time we talked he told me he left because he finds feelings to be scary and can’t express himself. wtf? I can’t figure out what happened or what he wants. Why doesn’t he just stay away? All I know is that what was a great relationship of 3 months evaporated just like that. And he didn’t leave for someone else, he’s not dating apparently. I usually don’t let people in very quickly, but once I do I can’t let go so easily!
If this guy was worth half the effort you’re putting in through his yo-yoing antics, well, there wouldn’t be a yo-you antics!! But the problem here isn’t so much that you can’t let him go, but that he never gives you long enough to move on!!
So here’s what I suggest to all my friends: Cut him off. It’s going to hurt. Like a bitch. But no contact will give you free space to figure out why you let him continue this insanity. It’ll also give him the clear cut signal that you won’t tolerate his shit anymore!!
I don’t think guy is right for you. I don’t think he’s right for anyone at this point in his life. I think he’s got a giant Uhaul pulling behind him of issues that he needs to deal with first (which he very much may be doing, if he’s not dating at all right now).
If nothing else, think of him as a stepping stone in your own personal evolution. He showed you some of what you wanted and some of what you don’t. When you are ready to check out the other fishies, you’ll be able to sort through the goldfish and find yourself a dolphin (tho’ yes, I know they aren’t technically fish!)
Good luck!!
Good luck!
Well sure, but obviously he has no problems letting go. I’m sorry. Relationships take two people and right now there’s only one (you) sticking around.
It sucks. I know. But like Elsa said — there are better things (and people) to focus your considerable energies on.
To add to what’s been said, this sounds like it might be what I call a Neptune relationship. I see it all the time, and obviously I don’t know in your case, but it is where there was a Neptune transit happening for one, both or the composite chart which brings two people together in what seems magical and wonderful. And then it suddenly ends, the feelings gone, usually just for one person, leaving the other hanging in angst. All you can do if you are the one left with feelings is to pick up the pieces and try to move on, because time will eventually dissolve your feelings as well.
watch the movie “The Holiday” staring Cameran Diaz, Kate Winslet and Jack Black.
Men like this don’t want you because they love you, they just like the boost that their ego’s get from knowing they have someone that is always going to be there and they can toy with.
“I don’t know what I could have possibly done”
Well, there’s the real issue: It has nothing to do with you! You
are trying to make sense of agame player–a person operating on an entirely different level and you may wear yourself out in the process.
thanks for all of your thoughtful comments! thanks for your insight Elsa! you’ve all given me something to think about. yes Daeshii, I decided to cut him off (again) after what he did to me after his accident and I don’t plan to be in contact with him ever again. what i don’t understand - he deliberately called to tell me about his accident even though we hadn’t talked for months after he left. what for? was i supposed to care? and to tell me all about it on and on for what, sympathy? why would someone do this and then reject it when it is offered? i mean, the guy almost drowned, had several surgeries and called me from the hospital! if he really didn’t want me around he could have just left and never contacted me again. i never asked for anything. i can’t believe i talked to him, and let myself feel sorry for him too. i’ve never experienced this crap with anyone, ever.
Melody, I am not sure regarding Neptune. I usually test people quite a bit before getting involved…he managed to be interested and show it for a long time before I acknowledged the whole situation at all. It was he who kept pushing to get to know me at first, and when it was clear he was very interested and wouldn’t go away I started to feel more comfortable and let him in. not sure where the confusion/Neptunian qualities fit in…
Hi ana,
It may not be that at all. If the transits around the time he became interested or you got together did not have Neptune involved (including th composite)- or another thing is Neptune in one chart aspecting a personal planet in the other, then this is not applicable to your situation. Either way, doesn’t make it easy!
I clicked submit too fast. Neptune can lead to confusion, but can also lead to a situation seeming really right or good initially and then suddenly changing - for a lot of reasons.