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Astrology and Relationship: He’s Wonderful, She’s Not Interested - Venus and Your Love Nature
Ask the Collective…
What if you’re single and you’ve had a string of lousy and/or very short-lived relationships over the course of some years. Say, two or three or more. You’ve have some involvements or even a lot of involvements but none of the people you’ve mixed it up with was very good for you. In other words, you’re getting nowhere.
But then someone comes along with all the qualities you thought you wanted. The same qualities people would tell you that you’re supposed to want and on top of that they are inordinately interested you. They want you badly! But for some reason, in spite of their appreciation of you and in spite of the fact they can “see” you and acknowledge you where others have not, you’re not interested. Ad if you’re a thoughtful person you now have to question yourself.
Why do I want the person who is no good for me over the person who is good for me? Do I like to be treated poorly?
And if you do not want this person who treats you so well… if you don’t want the guy on the white horse, does this mean nothing and no one will ever satisfy?
Hmm…
And let’s say you opt to pass on this person. What do you do for an encore? Go find a jerk?
And if you do, does that mean this is it for you? You are doomed to dating jerks and this is all you’ll ever do?
Or what if you don’t pass on them? What if you marry them? Everyone thinks you should.
But then you’re married and everywhere you go, other people turn your head.
Hmm.
Does this other person simply lack charisma or does your lack of attraction have to do with you?
These are the hard questions facing one of my friends at the moment.
Have you ever had to take a hard cold look at your love nature? What did you learn and where is your Venus?
pictured - Sleeping Venus, c. 1510, Giorgione b. 1477, Castelfranco, d. 1510, Venezia, Oil on canvas
27 Responses to “Astrology and Relationship: He’s Wonderful, She’s Not Interested - Venus and Your Love Nature”
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Is this about me? lol it sounds like it could be. Even though my love life is practically inexistent, that has happened. It’s hard for me to be interested in someone who overtly likes me. It’s too easy, I can’t do that. Why do they like me? Do they even know me? They must be insane.
Oh no, I’m always looking for the distant, silent, unobtainable man. Therapy would probably be a good idea. I’m not sure this is a reflection of Venus in Scorpio, 7th house, probably more related to Venus conjunct Saturn and Pluto. But also the fact that I’m a Sag, as you’ve well told me a few weeks ago.
For the 2nd time this week, the post of the day is exactly what’s been running through my head before I load up this page. Definitely guilty of this pattern - I don’t think it has to do with the other person lacking charisma.
Venus in Virgo conjunct Saturn.
I’d say that the person looking should (a) not settle for someone that doesn’t light their fire (see exception below) (b) look into some therapy, self-examination, spiritual exploration (c) accept that the timing isn’t right for them.
Otherwise they’re headed for a lot more pain down the road. They are likely to cause more pain to this wonderful sould who wants them so badly.
Exception: If you’re buddhist and have a firm grasp of your spiritual practice and willing to view the marriage as an arranged marriage ie an adventure of getting to know someone and getting to know yourself through that someone you’ve committed your life to. Well then. It works, and well, at that.
What a sticky, painful situation. I wouldn’t settle. Not if you’re looking elsewhere. Not if you don’t want to haul the guy off to bed at every chance possible.
Good luck either way.
I’ve tried and tried and tried and tried and tried to force myself to date the people I should date. I hated every second of it. I had to physically restrain myself from running away, and when I did run, they chased me. I tried to “give them a chance” and couldn’t.
So, no matter what, you really can’t date someone you don’t like from minute one and still don’t like them the more you get to know them (or force yourself to make out with them).
But when the only people that turn you on turn out to be bad…honestly, the only thing I’ve found that I can do is to avoid them altogether and take the hint that I shouldn’t date again before I’ve gone through 20 years of therapy
Venus in Sagittarius in the first . . . had a panic attack once when I said ‘yes’ to a proposal of marriage. Took a looong time to figure out why & start making better choices. When I did get married, it was done really fast & when Neptune was exactly squaring my Moon so I was totally nutz in ‘Love’. Worked out fine as we’ve been happily together for 17 years.
venus in leo here — and stuck in an unfulfilling on/off long distance relationship. even tho every fiber of my being screams ‘run away’ (maybe influenced by sun, merc & mars in gem) can’t seem to let go. think it’s because of our almost exact chiron links. *sigh* know what you would say elsa, *lol* move on!
this brings to mind some advice you gave me a while back…why can’t she have both? not both men, but both “types” in one? just because this fellow fits the mold of what she SHOULD be looking for, she can’t ignore the fact that he doesn’t light her fire. and just because her fire most often gets lit by guys who are bad for her, that doesn’t mean she’s doomed to nothing but bad guys. it could simply be that, while this guy fits the mold, perhaps he just isn’t “the one”.
i’ve been thru similar, going yrs and yrs w/only the “bad boy” type. and now, the one i’ve decided to stay w/isn’t a total bad boy, but isn’t totally ‘perfect’ either…i’d say he’s a decent combination of both - and i like that. perhaps she just has to find that magical combination? just my thought…
p.s. Venus is Taurus in the 3rd here
Well, I am completely fogged out concerning my lovelife: I don’t know whether I am coming or going, or whether he is coming or going. I am a bit sad that I don’t seem to go for the white horse type (boring). Venus in scorp in the 5th
Yes, I’m taking a hard look at my love nature for the last months. Still a long way to go.
Being a pisces, every once in a while I atract people with venus in pisces, that treat me like a goddess, but I never fall in love with them, though I like the treatment and try to relate to them as much as possible, but it’s like I think they are deluded, and it won’t last long anyway, so I don’t feel like I can invest.
Usually they don’t have other characteristics I’m looking for.
People that have what I’m looking for either don’t feel the same way, or are stuck in some other relationship and don’t plan to ever leave them.
Venus in capricorn in the 12, trine saturn in the 7th. sweet.
I’m with Lilly on this one. Had the same problem myself for years, and became convinced that maybe I did only want “bad boys.” It turned out that I just needed a weird thing: a nice guy who was both stable and completely unpredictable at the same time. Which is hard to find, but I did. So perhaps your friend needs to find that rare someone who has enough contradictions to make her happy. Venus in Virgo in the fourth.
at the moment I’m thinking that as much as I don’t like someone not seeing who I am and treating me crappily, I also do not like someone not knowing who I am and treating me like a goddess. I want that quiet period at the beginning where someone actually gets to know me and THEN decides. that actually did happen once with good results but we split (pretty amicably) because we recognized some issues that were dealbreakers (children and readiness for committment).
cap moon square venus, fifth to ninth house.
No, I think sometimes intuition is telling us that we are incompatible in some way that we don’t know yet. This has been true for me at least. But I’m very intuative and although I’ve been in relationships with guys that ultimately turned out to be jerks, jerky-ness was never something that attracted me.
When I was much younger (20; I’m now 36), I briefly dated someone like you’re describing: wonderful, did all the right things…but there was no chemistry and no spark.
He went on to date and marry someone else who had been pining for him for a long time. Meanwhile, my love life went nowhere.
Even being as lonely as I was, it would have been a huge mistake if I stayed with him. I’m the lady with the Pluto-Venus-Uranus conjunction (6th house) who Elsa advised a few weeks back. This particular man was a Taurus with a Cancer Moon. Suffice to say that a Taurus/Cancer and a wild Venus were ill-suited for each other.
After that, I wouldn’t get seriously involved with anyone unless I felt some kind of connection. “No spark” doesn’t mean you’re choosing to ignore that the guy is a good guy–good guy or not, if there’s no spark, there will never be a spark.
I have a friend in a similar situation and the thing is that everyone around her says that he treats her wonderfully (and he does) and that she is being stupid by being on the fence about him, because she tends to date assholes. So she feels bad because he is being very nice to her and she feels guilty about not feeling the same way about him (they are currently dating).
I told her that she just doesn’t like him. And there is nothing she can do about it, because he sort of creeps her out. I don’t want to date someone who creeps me out.
As for me — I have been extraordinarily lucky in my relationships and I don’t regret anything. Men who are good and kind and handsome sort of turn up at the right times for me.
Venus in Virgo in the 7th, with my Sun and my Mercury.
My Venus is in Capricorn (trine Asc, trine uranus)and have been single for about 3 years - Cappy high standards hmmmm. Attracted to hard-working and together partners.
I look at my love life constantly. At least weekly. I constantly reevaluate what we’re doing here, what I’m getting out of it, what he is, if we’re getting along, if so why not, analyze, analyze. It’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
I am the pursuer. I have had plenty of ‘relationships’ and mostly of the short, sexual kind (ahem). I have only had two serious relationships (including the one I’m in). I love pursuing and then I feel trapped if the other person doesn’t do it for me beyond the short term. So for me, if the physical passion burns out quickly, so does my interest. I am not interested in a passionless relationship; my first serious one was this (the guy had substance abuse problems).
Venus conjunct Mars in Aries (Grad Fire Trine).
My relationship now is over 5 years old and going well. Really well.
I don’t even know anymore. Venus in Libra. Two ex-husbands who I couldn’t stand living with but who are actually really great people, way superior to anyone I’ve dated since. You know what else? I’m 40 now, have my life together, a child, still get whistles and catcalls; in other words, part of the growing trend of divorced-got-their-shit-together women who are not dependent on men and want to receive the same “stuff” they have to offer– attractive, financially and emotionally stable, sexually potent and enthusiastic, who have a lot to look forward to in life. And where are these men? Hell if I know!! I swear I am WAYYY losing patience. I want to know– hey mister, what are you bringing to the table, hmm? Your superior earning capability? I’m fine in that regard, thanks. Your intellect and rapier wit? Uh….I’m Ok there, too. Looks– “older” women are looking AWESOME these days.
This is not to man-bash, really– I’d shrivel up without male attention– but as far as partnership goes, at this age I am not swayed by what would have impressed me when I was younger.
Boy I sound crabby! But I don’t think I’m off here–times have changed, haven’t they?
I’m with you on this one PixieDust!
You said “And where are these men? Hell if I know!! I swear I am WAYYY losing patience. I want to know- hey mister, what are you bringing to the table, hmm? ”
What can they bring to the table? - besides a bad divorce, drug addiction, mental illnes and unemployment? Whoops! sorry about that. I’m still looking…
PixieDust you don’t sound crabby! You sound awesome!
Couldn’t have summed it up better myself, PixieDust.
Venus in Scorpio (ay-ya-ya) in the 11th couple with a Scorpio Sun/Pisces Moon.
I like nice men i really do but where are they? The men i’ve met lately have seemed spoilt, self-centred and ‘troubled’. Has our independence created a generatation of ‘whiny-babies’?
Alison–SO true! Not for all men, of course, but generally true for our age group (mid-late 30s and early 40s).
If something ever happens to the Cap I’m married to, or if we divorce, I’m going into a cave. As much as I’d be craving a wonderful new romance (the 5th house Leo Sun, Libra Moon), I’m not going to get involved with just anyone for the sake of being WITH someone. I have my own issues, like starting over in a new career and caring for my kids–I don’t need someone’s issues and garbage spilling over into my life. I’d rather be alone. (Spoken like a true Virgo Venus!
)
venus in libra. I have been with the same man for 19 years. I have no idea what it would be like out in the dating world.
The recent post on settling w/ Saturn moving into Virgo reminded me of this post… so I went looking for it. Did you advise your friend one way or the other on this?
Nina - I don’t remember advising her. This is is so incredibly personal… it’s a “dark night of the soul” type question.
What I did was define it so she could hone in on her own time. And I shared my experience when I came face to face with this myself some years ago so she could see where diving down to examine might lead her.
I tend to settle for the nice guy who loves me who gives me what I want, over the mysterious, unattainable guy. Even if there might be more charisma and chemistry coming from afar, the one who loves me and wants me right here right now is ultimately the one I end up with. (provided there IS some chemistry between us)
I must be some lazy Venus in Aries because even though I have no problems initiating, I hate “chasing”. I would rather be chased
Venus in Aries, 6th house.
This is the story of my life. Venus in Aries exactly conjunct Saturn and descendant, exactly trine Leo Moon. I notice several of us have venus conjunct saturn problems. elsa, please, any advice.
p.s. so glad to see your status more healed!! feel good.
jen - it’s been done.
Check these blogs (tag - Venus Saturn)
http://www.elsaelsa.com/archives/tag/venus-saturn/