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Men, Women, Weight Loss and Oppression In The Gym
Ask the collective…
I was on the cross-trainer in this gym this weekend when I spied a woman I like who I’ve not seen in awhile. I don’t know her name. I do know I like her. We’re about the same age, the same color and seem to see eye to eye somehow.
“How have you been?” I asked as she grabbed the spray bottle and a paper towel to wipe down the machine next to me.
“Pretty good,” she said.
It’s one of the things I like about her. She doesn’t try too hard but she smiles and looks you in the eye.
“That’s a good color for you,” I said indicating her top. “And one you don’t see very much.”
“Oh this?” she said picking at her shirt. “Yeah, I like this shirt.”
“I haven’t seen you for awhile,” I said as she crossed back in front of me to return the spray bottle to its hook.”
“I know.” She looked me right in the eye. “I can’t stand the attention from men when I lose weight.”
I saw her eyes were tearing and mine immediately followed suit. “Oh. Oh, I’m sorry. And believe it or not, I know exactly what you mean,” I said. “Matter of fact not a week goes by in my life that I don’t discuss this with someone.”
“You do?” She was completely surprised. “This I can do,” she said indicating the cross-trainer. “This is the easy part. But emotionally I just can’t handle it,” she said as she climbed onto the machine. “I just can’t stand all the men. Not just in here but everywhere. They look at you like you’re some kind of… dog meat.” She was disgusted. “Do you know I lost 80 pounds in here? I was working with a trainer and I lost all that weight.”
“Wow.”
“And then he left and do you know I put all that weight back on in… in a month. In six weeks, for sure I had put all that weight back on and it’s because of this. I just can’t take it.”
“Well I can understand. I fight this same thing allllllll the time. It’s constant struggle. I have learned to keep my head up in here. You have to keep some kind of countenance that is intimidating otherwise, here come the men. They inundate you. They come at you like missiles. That’s what it feels like to me. It feels like being attacked.”
“That’s exactly what it feels like. That’s what it is,” she said.
“Well it can be dealt with. There is a way. I have decided my health is important. It’s more important then their dicks. And I am willing to defend myself at this point. God, I feel so sorry for you. I hope you figure this out. Maybe lose the weight slowly this time while you slowly build your defenses. That might work and let you pull this off for good.’
“I hope so.”
“Me too.”
On that, she propped a book open and started to workout while I refocused myself and recalled my own first day back at the gym… and the subsequent transformation.
Do you (male or female) ever feel attacked or oppressed by male energy? Do you have a Saturn Mars aspect in your chart?
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Is that what it is? A Saturn/Mars thing?? Because as soon as I started to “develop”, I started putting on the pounds and kept going til they wouldn’t look at me anymore. I have Saturn & Mars conj. and have always felt the way you describe…like a piece of meat, attacked w/their eyes
Every time I try to lose weight, I put it back on when the attn starts up. Add to that my Neptune on the midheaven, and all these guys are seeing what they want to see in me. Some think I’m the freakin’ Madonna & others think I’m a world-class slut. *sigh* Well, now I know what it is…thank you so much for writing this! Like the old cartoon used to say, “knowing is half the battle”.
Rarely, though I really had to think about that. Men, in general, rarely, if ever, intimidate me (now, the same thing couldn’t have been said five years ago!), but as someone once told me, I tend to take their energy and push it back on them with a heavy sensual undertow. It works for me.
I go to a swimming pool for my own health care and for weight loss too. I receive some looks and a lot of rubbings of shaggy male legs. It is something disturbing (I like to play the role of serious person, but I am not, surely) In fact I think that it keep me swimming !,… Not really not, male energy is not oppressive for me may be the opposite thing. Mars.Leo #10 quinqux saturn.pisces #5
Mars square Saturn in Virgo, in the 6th. Explains quite a bit, especially in work situations with males.
No mars saturn contact, no worries about meaty stares from anonymous men. However, I do have Saturn sitting on top my venus in the 5th, so it’s a different story when it comes to my relationships… I worry about how my man thinks about me all the time!
All my life, since about the sixth grade. I didn’t put on weight, and it hasn’t kept me out of gyms, but it does keep me out of bars, and I tend to wear kind of baggy clothing most of the time.
I have no Mars/Saturn aspect.
I suppose I can relate, but I don’t think it’s just male attention that I object to in the gym — it’s everybody’s. I don’t like anybody looking at me while I’m sweating and bouncing around or anything. I think for me, though, it’s more my love of privacy and vanity than anything regarding unwanted male attention (because I sure dig male attention in the bars)
I don’t have a Saturn Mars aspect.
Well . . . no . . . it’s all that heavy duty Scorpio Rising. The only thing I can think of is that i must put out this energy that says “invade my space without my permission & you’ll be missing sensitive body parts”. it does come in handy! When i lived in San Diego, I used to walk/jog on the beach all the time in a bikini & wasn’t hassled (looked good then too)
I don’t have a Mars/Saturn aspect just Mars sq Pluto . . .
No Saturn/Mars aspect, but I still know the feeling. Maybe it’s my unaspected Saturn in the 8th. I neve know what that’s going to bring. But even though male attention freaks me out, I rarely get too much threatening attention. I think it’s my Taurus ascendant coupled with Pluto right on the descendant. People know to stay away.
I have no Saturn/Mars aspect either, though when I was younger I did feel like that. I think that was situational having to do with my childhood though, and that the feelings of oppression were directly related to abusive situations. In a non-abusive environment, I’m just fine.
hmm…
It seems to me that the reception or lack of reception of attention of any kind points more towards a very personal issue of lack of self acceptance. Sure, attention can be either used as external validation or mere annoyance–but even though I feel badly for the lady at the gym, I feel that she’s using these external figures (these men) as an excuse to go back to the layers o’ fat lady (something I happen to know about).
The excuses pile up…
Saturn sq. Mars here..
plus a Capricorn asc. with nearby Neptune that probably makes me look older and defenseless so these men couldn’t see the disgust that they provoked me .. or the fact that I was a kid (18 now). And things escaladed to verbal harassment …in the gym of all places..(my Mars is bullied in a t-square by Saturn, Uranus & Mercury at the other end)
It took me some time to realise that they were the problem, not me, so as my Pisces Mars had buried it’s head in the sand, Aries Moon comes along and blasts the jerks out of sight >:-] So the Moon is emotional responsiveness …and mine takes good care of dreamy Mars in Pisces..
And I agree with Elsa. To anyone who is disturbed by such things - build your defenses - as long as you know you’re not unconsciously seeking attention and using your body language for it, you have to let’em know that you are bothered - be it by a “subtle” stare o’doom or direct approach.
By the way, I’ve read that the luminaries or Venus opposite the asc. make one more “visible”..or Pluto is a warning to stay away, as Midara says. That would be interesting to research…
No sat/mars aspect, but I had a boyfriend who’s saturn sat right on my mars and THAT was hard. I am aries rising so it just kept trying to squish me! I left it and feel better. We are better as acquaintances….small doses are ok. I can empathize though….it sucked me dry.
I have mars square saturn and I definately had issues with it - I’m underweight and fit in socially - but often I’m quite annoyed that I get looked at especially when I want to be annonymous just because I happen to look a certain way - can’t they see I want to be left alone! It was one of the reasons I didn’t care about fashion growing up - if what i wore hid my body and kept unwanted stares away then I was happy. Alas it kept me alone and closed out the men i did want.. which is why i’ve become more conscious of it now. Although it can still bug me on a bad day.
I remember when I was blossoming into a teen creepy older men - friends of my parents - would look at me admiringly and I hated it..including an uncle. I avoided that uncle like the plague even though he wasn’t a molester - just a bit of a perv.
ROFL. Saturn conjunct Mars. I don’t notice male attention. I’ve never gained weight. I’ve, luckily, been normal physically my whole life. My good guy friends (lots of them) all say that I’m quite pretty or quite hot. Those statements go something like “Duuude, don’t you know you qualify as a hot chick”
ROFL. Which demonstrates that I don’t even realize that I’m a woman most days and I’m told that I walk like a man. I’m always disappointed that men never hit on me, never ask me out, never stare. I’ve always “run with the guys” and so it’s ironic that I’m totally blind to this. I’ve always been jealous of women who DO get guy attention, fat or thin.
I do, however, know that guys have this “get out” look when dealing with me in the weight room (my favorite spot). Of course, unwanted attention is unwanted attention. It must feel like being naked, suddenly, everywhere you go. I hope she heals and finds some balance. I’d give her my off-putting jokes and hiking boots if it’d help her!!
I used to feel that way, any kind of sexualizing made me very uncomfortable. That hasn’t been a problem since I became more comfortable with my sexuality. I’m not saying that’s the problem with your friend, but that seemed to be the problem for me.
I don’t like wolf-like behavior from men, but when it happens, I just remind myself that they don’t own this, I do.
My saturn and mars don’t appear to have much to do with each other in my chart. No formal aspect, anyway.
That’s a good description from CD. It’s like being a little red riding hood in a forest full of big bad wolves. I know exactly what you mean. In order to deal with it I don’t look men in the eye, I put on a mask like I am above that sort of attention and I ignore them. It seems to work most of the time. It’s very uncomfortable though. I don’t have a Saturn Mars aspect.
CD that comment is brilliant.
I too own my sexuality now, and my discomfort disappeared. I longer feel oppressed by so called male energy. I have more women commenting on my body (because I am slim and nice looking) than men. I can’t go over to my inlaws without one of the female relatives policing how much I eat and saying “you’ve lost weight AGAIN” even though I have been exactly the same weight for at least 10 years. I come from skinny folk. Sorry.
Commenting on anyone’s body is rude. Just bad manners, folks. I am way more hurt by the attention I garner from women who’ve been conditioned by ridiculous, unattainable ideals of beauty.
My mars is in libra in my 5th house opposite my saturn in aries in my 11th house. I do notice this energy in the gym. When I was pregnant with my daughter I was single and didn’t want any male attention so I joined a womens gym. Currently I am trying to lose some lbs since this birth of my son in July. The attention from men defintely changes the energy is different when you are slimmer,chubbier, or pregnant. I usually put out “back off” vibes when I am at the gym, unless I know the person then my whole attitude is different,lol. I know that I don’t like to be treated like a piece of meat and any man that looks at me that way gets a dirty look,lol.