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Her Friends Take Her For Granted: Sun Pluto Conjunction In Libra
Hi Elsa,
I have been dealing with many issues with friends lately. I find I am always the friend putting up the energy to connect. People only seem to return calls when they feel like it; they seem to not value me. Since I have been feeling this from the people around me, I have let go of calling and always being the one to make plans. I have been spending time with my boyfriend and talking to one close consistent friend I have now.
I am wondering if this is normal. Should I be constantly seeking out new friends? Or should I just take my time, work on myself and let myself meet new people naturally? I am so tired of being the only one in my many friendships who make the effort. I have been feeling this for a while now. I spend too much time trying to keep people in my life instead of letting them come and go naturally. I think since I put myself out there so much people take me for granted.. I think they value me much less then I value them.
I have a pattern of letting people treat me badly so I won’t be without friends. Can you offer any advice and encouragement in situation?
Undervalued Friend
United States
Dear Friend,
Advice and encouragement? Yes! I think you are completely on track. When it comes to friendship, quality trumps quantity in every way, shape and form. Stick with the friend who validates and values you and with time, exactly what you expect will occur.
You will slowly change and see things improve on all levels and when it is time for someone new to come into your life, they will find you. And on this note, HQ said something to me earlier this week.
We were talking about a friend of mine and a few weeks back HQ asked, “Does anyone in his life care about his happiness?”
I told him that I cared and outside of that, I really could not be sure. There are certain people out there who are so valuable as dumping grounds people don’t bother to think or care about how they feel and I thought he might fit this profile.
And a couple weeks have passed since we had this conversation and I have thought about it a lot. And I have scanned this man’s life for another entity concerned with his happiness. An although there are still some prospects I have yet to find a peer and reported the same to HQ.
“Well, you only really need to have one person who really cares about you in this life…”
That right there, is a home truth. Keep the friend that cares about you and you will find your way.
Good luck.
~~
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9 Responses to “Her Friends Take Her For Granted: Sun Pluto Conjunction In Libra”
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I remembered this one quote, “You are the first example of how others can treat you.” Have you been treating yourself the way that you want?
Let your friends know that you won’t stand for something like this. You want friends that care. If your intuition sense that your current friends do not value you, wouldn’t it be a great time for an elimination process and allow those who really care a chance to come into your life?
Thanks so much Elsa and May. I was beginning to believe it was something wrong with me..I been getting this strong pull to move away from certain people.. which i feel bad about, but in the longterm it will benefit me. I really want to create more healthy positive respectful relationships, but I feel I have to be healthy first. Thanks again
Lisa
Lisa, do you live in the U.S.? Because if you do, let me tell you something I’ve observed for 20 years here: adults don’t have friends, so if you have a good boyfriend and one friend, you’re doing great. Also, people in the u.s. are self-centered, selfish, flakey, superficial and dull, for the most part. Most of the acquaintances I have spout new-age platitudes and law of attraction crap and yet have no follow through to connect with others and none of them have any time, their words. So how can they make friends? I highly doubt it’s you, you’re just unusual in that you do make the effort, most don’t. But don’t give up, real friends are way better than a shallow “social circle.”
Quality vs quantity…if you’d told me as a teenager that I’d have a small group — I can count them on one hand! — of close, personal friends when I was an adult, I prolly would’ve died!! But just like this person, it took me a while to realize that people were just using me for a dumping ground. Why put up with that when I can have a handful of friends who are genuinely concerned about my welfare, something I reciprocate for them?
But it also took me caring more about myself, too. Seeing that I was worth more than being a doormat. I was in my late 20s when I figured this out, and I’ve never been happier!!
Since we are on the subject of Pluto,maybe the reason people don’t call you is because you unconsciously pressure them to “Be A Good Friend”.I had a friend that did this constantly.He brought up in many conversations how his friends were so important to him,and that HE was a good friend.It got kinda creepy and heavy actually.In the end his friendship became a burden.All of his friends over the years have abandoned him.Just in the past year I realized I didn’t want this kind of friendship in my life anymore and have been avoiding his calls and emails.Friends just are.It doesn’t matter who calls who,or how often you see each other.I could be out of touch for years with a friend and when we reconnect it is as if we never parted.It should be light and fun for the most part,not an excuse to take score.I know I am being a bit harsh here,but are you giving your friends good reason for not being the one to make that call to connect?Sometimes with Pluto you transfer darker aspects of your personality you’d rather not own onto others.
I think it’s hard to be a good friend and good to yourself sometimes. It’s just hard “being”. Sometimes one does have to sacrifice one direction or the other. It’s a hard balance–give/receive. But there’s something kinda cool that an oracle card says that i tend to remember: “There is no difference between giving and receiving”…and that’s true (to an extent).In that giving is also a gift to yourself–if you give, understanding that you may not know the outcome of that gift. It’s hard to give, sometimes, with that uncertainty of reciprocity. I’ve found that my expectations get me into trouble and get me in a judgmental frame of mind as much as giving too much gets me into trouble. (if that makes sense.
In other words–expectations can do you in as much as the people (or amount) you give.
Energy exchanges of any kind are a challenge. Ironically, this was sort of the topic of conversation with my counselor today. Independence vs. Dependence. We all go through times when we are more dependant, or needing of support, and other times when we are the givers. We’d like it to be balanced all the time, but it just isn’t. I am trying to become aware of a new form of balance. Things happen when they happen, and you just have to be aware of why they are happening.
Good luck finding your balance and don’t question your motives so much, Libra!
Hugs,
Hannah
Although there is some validity to asanamama’s comment on the pressure to perform and how other people can feel that, maybe some people don’t want fluffy friendships, maybe Pluto people crave deep, transformative intense bondings that will change both people involved. Such friends make you strive to be a better person, a better man and hold your hand when you are falling apart. Hoping that all your party posse will give you that is just a wrong way of going about it, is all…
I had a friend say to me years and years ago: ‘I’m third in line in the therapy chain’ and it burned me right to the core. Broke my heart and ended the friendship (it was said flippantly). But I was a teenager, and had a lot of problems. Too many problems for a fellow teenager to deal with, that’s for SURE!
I am thankful I am an adult capable of relationships based on mutuality. I am so thankful I am not that person anymore, and I have that stinging comment to thank.
asanamama’s though I see your point I don’t feel it applies, it is not so much of me pressuring which i never done..I don’t call people excessively I never tally who done more ever honeslty..However I do enjoy regular contact in friendship.. but that what’s makes us different..I think people have different prorities and what may work for one person may not work for another….
I think what you experienced is something different and sounds like it my have been annoying and I see why you felt you needed to apply it to what i have been experiencing, but I think Elena hit the nail on the head when she said maybe “some people don’t want fluffy friendships, maybe Pluto people crave deep, transformative intense bondings that will change both people involved.” some people seek a more close relationship, which maybe I am chosing people with different views on friendship.. so I am chosing to let people come in my life as a work on being more for myself..supporting my own needs