Astrology, Love and Control Freaks: What Google Searches Reveal

10 Responses to “Astrology, Love and Control Freaks: What Google Searches Reveal”

1. Viv says on 6/3/07 at 7:29 am:
   

   You would think so. But I notice controlling women are the ones that are able to keep their men with them, even though they may not be happy.
   i’m not saying all women with long term relationships are controling of course. But I know alot of men that aren’t very happy in their relationships but still won’t cut loose, and I notice the women are the plutonic kind.
   maybe i’m just being bitter.

2. C. says on 6/3/07 at 9:37 am:
   

   I want to cry. I didn’t have a clue that those were the types of questions people ask. That makes me so so sad. Is this one of those things where the blinders go down?

   Similar to my recent realization of how many close women friends I have that use sex or sexuality to “get stuff” from the men in their lives? I was sickened to realize it through a series of conversations the last few weeks. Part of me is angry because I never get stuff from guys, in fact, I have trouble asking for help from most anyone, male or female. But here… darn I do wish the foggy clouds would come back.

   I think that love and control are mutually exclusive. Otherwise how does someone get to express who they really are as a person if they’re always conforming to your expectations? If they’re so busy conforming then you aren’t really loving who they are. I will say that within reason you have a right to ask for things in a relationship. They have the right to give those things to you or not. And both of you have the right to stay or to go.

3. Elena says on 6/3/07 at 10:35 am:
   

   Elsa cmon girl! I sent you exactly the kind of question you never see!!!
   I asked you how I can stop the cycle of being with bad Gemini and find a good one? And I am a Virgo!;-)))
   Oh and I just realized that 80% of my friends are Gemini too…

4. Elena says on 6/3/07 at 10:45 am:
   

   Oh and I have Pluto in my fifth house. And I sure can smell power play a mile away. I do it sometimes too, automaticaly…
   A reeealy good book I read about control is “The other side of Power” and two other accompanying books by Claude Steiner, one of the founders of transactional analysis. And you can get if for free here!: http://www.emotional-literacy.com/osp.htm
   cheers,
   Elena

5. Elsa says on 6/3/07 at 10:49 am:
   

   Elena, I am talking about Google searches. People write me all the time trying to improve themselves. This is an advice blog!

   But the people out there in general, searching google are after one thing and one thing only. ‘How do I get this other person to do what I want them to do?”

   And I am not a girl… I am a woman!

6. Elena says on 6/3/07 at 11:18 am:
   

   my bad…woman.

7. Piya says on 6/3/07 at 11:24 am:
   

   I’m a firm believer in personal responsibility. No one can make you do something you don’t want to do.

   That’s why I disagree with Viv up there. As an outsider, the woman may seem controlling (and heck, maybe she is), but he’s still there. And you know what? That means he wants to stay there. At least for now.

   I do not believe in controlling someone in a relationship and I also have to say that if you find yourself being controlled, half the time it’s your own damn fault.

8. Viv says on 6/3/07 at 8:29 pm:
   

   controlling people can manipulate/ change what you want to do

   that’s why they are not dictators, they are more refined then that, more powerfull, hidden, alluring sometimes.

   I agree that the controlled person has as much fault.

9. CD says on 6/4/07 at 8:26 am:
   

   I will definitely have to read that book! I have, in the past, been very controlling. I learned it from my family and didn’t realize for a long time that there was any other way to deal with tension.

   I do think that real, soulful love is impossible when either party (or both) are controlling. Because you are basically reducing the other person to an object. You are controlling in an effort to resolve the tension you feel (in whatever way that comes out: basic control, or smothering, or manipulating, whatever).

   But, ironically, I also think that boundaries can improve love and relationships dramatically. So, control over yourself is good, but control over another person is not so good, I guess.

   Take my relationship, for example. My sig other has ADD, so if I have no boundaries, I lose myself in his “fast” ness, when I am not always a fast person! So, I have to remind myself of the difference of saying “I don’t have ADD, so I’m going to do it THIS way” (boundaries) and “You need to do it this way” (control).

   On another note, sometimes the person who, on the outside, looks like they’re being “controlled” is actually a mastermind of controllingness. You can’t always tell just by outside appearance.

10. Dani says on 6/5/07 at 11:23 pm:
    

    I don’t think that they are. I told my mom today about Anna Karenina’s jealousy and she said something like “people are possessive.” A wish not to be cheated is a form of wanting to control your mate. Plus, in living with your lover, your idea of who they are/you want them to be can clash with who they really are. Therefore, you might want to get your Gemini girlfriend to do something or other. Power plays definitely happen in love relationships. It’s a part of the challenge of living together.

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