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Her Old Boyfriend The Piece Of Work Is Back: Saturn Returns to Moon, Venus, Saturn T-Square
Dear Elsa,
Many years ago when I was young and dumb, I dated an older man. I was 21 and he was 29. I was a sucker for him and he could talk me into almost anything. I acted like an immature idiot who wouldn’t get over him when he eventually ended it. Then I remained friends with him at his request, when I knew I wouldn’t get over him unless I cut him off.
Eventually I acted so badly that he stopped speaking to *me* altogether, and it took THAT to get me over it. I have always assumed that he hates me, and I gave him good reason to.
Yesterday, 8 years later, he spotted me in a restaurant (total fluke, neither of us lives in that area) and came up and said hi. And apparently he not only doesn’t hate me, but he had googled me and tracked down the online journal, and apparently thinks about me from time to time. I was flabbergasted. (And I was also surprised that I acted like a normal person, instead of spitting in his face and running away the way I thought I would. Go figure.)
Here’s why I am freaking: he has a long history of being friends with exes and/or tracking down people he was friends with long ago in the past and re-befriending them. I never thought this would be something *I* would have to deal with.
On the one hand, it’s been 8 years, and I have changed a lot since then. (As for him, who knows, but I wouldn’t count on him making drastic changes. Call it a hunch.) I have been wanting a new male friend of late and god knows the ex was the most interesting person I ever knew. On the other hand, I suspect I’d revert to acting like a 21-year-old around him again and get suckered in and have things go wrong just like they did before. I don’t have those feelings for him now, but fear I would if I got to know him all over again, and rationally I know dating him again if it ever came up would not be a good idea.
If he wants to be friends again, what do you think I should do? Give it a shot, or say no and run like hell? My rational mind says the latter, but my annoying needy side is once again intrigued by the idea.
Ex-Girlfriend
United States
Dear Girlfriend,
You think he’s interesting? I don’t. And I’ll explain that, but first know this:
Your Saturn return is imminent and the way Saturn is stressed in your chart you are heading into a world of hurt if you opt to make poor choices. And you may want and need this experience - but on the chance that I can dissuade you and offer a short cut, let me translate:
“He could talk me into almost anything…”
That he would talk you into things you don’t want to do…. well this is manipulative.
“Eventually I acted so badly that he stopped speaking to *me* altogether..”
He treats you like crap, you act out and now he’s clean and you’re the bad guy… ::coughs::
“googled me and tracked down the online journal, and apparently thinks about me from time to time…”
He’s out looking for a victim and wonders if you are worth messing with again and apparently decides you are not. And you are flattered by this?
“He has a long history of being friends with exes and/or tracking down people he was friends with long ago in the past and re-befriending them.”
Yes, he has an MO. You are dealing with a predator.
“I never thought this would be something *I* would have to deal with.”
Because you’re special? You’re not special. No one is special to this guy.
Now as for the rest of this… I disagree with the idea you have changed. You have not changed one iota. You’re worried about turning into a 21 year old? It’s already happened. And as for him having control, that has happened too.
“If he wants to be friends…”
Pullllease. You are waiting for him to decide you are worthy? Worthy of what? Of being mistreated?
It is clear to me this man is a jackass. Go tango with him if you want. You are sure to get slammed into the rocks and humbled.
Or you can just read this a few times until it sinks in and just be humbled. Your choice. Either way, I sincerely wish you the best of luck. This summer’s transits are no joke.
~~
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4 Responses to “Her Old Boyfriend The Piece Of Work Is Back: Saturn Returns to Moon, Venus, Saturn T-Square”
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Well this guy might have Venus in the XII house: these kind of men use to act like that: they hate you for some reason when they meet you but once you are gone they remember you a lot.
The XII house is a karmic house linked to past and difficult events but usually never forgets…I had the same experience. The guy had Venus in Aries in the XII house. Which meant fighting in the XII house…
They usually do their best to remain friends with their ex girlfriends. And remember them through fantasy dreams like “Alice in Wonderland” (who first discovered the XII House).
I totally agree, Elsa. You’re in true form here today!
I wouldn’t give this ex a second thought. I don’t think anyone who makes you question yourself (and call yourself a bad-behaving so-n-so) is worth it. It’s bad enough you went through it the first time isn’t it?
However…I guess there is value in having this tendency of yours to let yourself be bamboozled come out. Now you can get rid of it for good!
Good luck to you!
Hugs,
Hannah
Monica: Yes!! That’s it! Exactly. Thanks for that.
Girlfriend, you deserve better. Why do we always assume that there are so little men out there and we have to settle for less? No, no, no.
A favourite book of mine, one that I am quite pashionate about relative to helping people lift the veils of subtl and insidious control is Controlling People: How to Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans. Some of us are more susceptible than others, but it is the m.o. of the world in general and so we don’t even realize what’s happening. The book can be a real eye opener.