Why Can’t We Be Friends? When Platonic Friendships Fail..

15 Responses to “Why Can’t We Be Friends? When Platonic Friendships Fail..”

1. Amber says on 5/16/07 at 6:17 am:
   

   I have quite a few long-time male friends: they go back 8-13 years (those in recent years have not come so close). Of these loooooooongtime friends two had a crush on me, but when we were teenagers: we ’separated’ but got back in touch a number of years ago, and now it seems it works fine - no problems at all. The other category are the friends who are not my type and I am not their type: we have a different connection, often mental: I like talking to men. More recent friendship/crushes did not work out - no friendship left because it is just too obvious that either of us wants to be touched not talked to. That often happened too, so no turning back from there. Venus conj mars in 5th in scorp

2. violet says on 5/16/07 at 7:46 am:
   

   Yes, that happened to me and it almost ruined everything. My best friend confessed his feelings for me and it wasn’t mutual, even though when he did that he made me wonder if anything was possible. It wasn’t. Eventually things got back on track but I’m always afraid that he still has feelings for me.
   I find it hard having significant friendships with men - I suspect they have other feelings for me. And anyone, I wouldn’t want the friendship part to come before the lover part (Venus in Scorpio, 7th house, conj Pluto and Saturn)

3. Ariel says on 5/16/07 at 8:30 am:
   

   This used to happen to me all the time, before I was married. I’ve always gotten along really well with guys as platonic friends. I think sometimes when people are feeling lonely and afraid, they start thinking about the people in their lives who make it bearable, and the emotion can become twisted to thinking it’s a different kind of love. A few shorter term friendships have been whacked that way, but I haven’t lost any long-term ones; I just see the situation for what it is and ride it out. It tends to resolve itself when their confidence returns, or they meet someone who can return their feelings. Venus in Virgo.

4. Becca says on 5/16/07 at 9:20 am:
   

   Venus in Libra, 8th house. Oddly enough, I’ve recently been tempted to make a play for a man who has been my good friend for three or four years now, and I have stopped myself precisely because I don’t want to ruin the friendship. Otherwise my best male friends are married, or else there’s an age difference significant enough that other emotions haven’t been an issue.

5. Carielle says on 5/16/07 at 9:25 am:
   

   I’ve been on both ends of this situation, and have watched friendships fail as well as friendships grow past it. I’ve found that when the person who is receiving the unwanted advance is very clear about how they feel (i.e. no, there’s no chance, we can be friends but you have to respect that we are JUST friends) then a friendship can survive past the embarrassing moment of one person admitting feelings for another.

   It gets muddier (and the risk for losing the friendship altogether is greater) when someone waffles or tries to “be nice” and gives false hope because they’re afraid of hurting the other person’s feelings. That’s where I’ve seen friendships like this fail.

   Capricorn Sun/Moon, Venus in Sagittarius

6. saggal says on 5/16/07 at 9:34 am:
   

   It’s never happened to me, I’ve felt it for friends, but never followed it up because I figured it was just an illusion anyhows.

   What kills me is when people do this even though the person, their friend, is already partnered. Pisses me off extremely. I mean, what the hell are you supposed to do with that?

   Venus in Scorp in the 8th.

7. Daeshii says on 5/16/07 at 9:40 am:
   

   A good majority of my good friends are male (my BFF is female), and though I know there have been instances on both sides of attraction, we had cultivated such a relationship that we’ve always been able to discuss and move on. I can only think of once that it ended and completely ruined our relationship.

   I think it’s possible, but I also think that you cannot possibly be completely blind to the fact that the other person is attracted to you. I mean, these are people who’ve seen you with snot running down your face, bedhead, before and after break-ups, and they are still there. They still love you, and there’s always a distinct possibility that can naturally progress beyond the platonic.

8. Z says on 5/16/07 at 10:03 am:
   

   I’ve had a number of platonic male friends over the years too and sensed they liked me more at the beginning but i’ve always made it very clear that i dont fancy them so fortunately most have never tried. Venus in Aries so pretty blunt when i need to be.

   Most of my male friendships have come about from bantering insults at each other so it’s pretty easy to define the line if need be with humour. Once they know where they stand they can decide if they still wanna be a mate. I have a male friend that i’ve known for over 20yrs and when i first met my ex he kept his distance for a year or so until i ordered him to meet him. Once they’d met they got on brilliantly. He’s now married and i get on really well with his wife too.

   I did have one colleague who i really got on well with and one xmas after a few too many we had a snog..da da da..end of friendship. We tried to have a thang but to be honest he was way outta my league and my insecurity got the better of me. Luckily he left not long after so i didnt have to cringe for too long.

   There will always be some guys who decide they dont really want the friendship thing or cant handle the one way thing. One guy who i knew fancied me and who I’d made abudantly clear to that the feelings weren’t mutual kept trying for years and i did relent once, disastrously..end of friendship. Ho hum. But very venus in aries.

9. isadora says on 5/16/07 at 10:39 am:
   

   Every time this happens to me (on either side), it takes some time, and then it ultimately resolves. I usually don’t stay friends with the person at the time that things go down, but we often end up good friends later, unless we don’t actually like one another. Libra Venus seventh house.

10. Marc says on 5/16/07 at 11:50 am:
    

    I’ve been the person making the “unwanted” play… I told my friend my feelings and he told me he did not feel the same… after a while, things changed and I was fine with just being friends while he came to tell me that maybe there were more feelings there than he admitted. That said, we’re still very good friends.

11. Jennifer says on 5/16/07 at 1:18 pm:
    

    I hate to say it, but Harry Burns was right most of the time. The few male friends I’ve had and kept that didn’t have this going on were already taken, or I didn’t get very close to them at all (sometimes that doesn’t stop it, though).

    Venus in Taurus.

12. L says on 5/17/07 at 5:10 am:
    

    The couple of times this happened to me, I was the pursuer, and the guys weren’t interested like I thought they’d be. (Aries ASC-taking the lead in exploring and developing the relationship.) They freaked out and disappeared. So after those experiences, I compartmentalized friends and lovers, and stopped mixing them up, though I’ve been tempted to try again.

    Venus at 29 Virgo, 6th house, conjunct Pluto (25 Virgo) and Uranus (5 Libra).

13. Little Miss Hermit says on 5/17/07 at 11:13 am:
    

    I have Cancer intercepted in the 7th house, and 3 Cancer friends have fallen for me, but not I for them. My Venus is conjunct Mars and Pluto in Libra…

14. C. says on 5/17/07 at 5:14 pm:
    

    Hmm, my neptune is in a bad hookup in Sag in the 7th so… take what I say with a grain of salt. I’ve had guy friends who’ve had a thing for me but I’ve been clueless until years later when the friendship is mellow and easy. I’ve had one guy friend “pull the wool over my eyes” twice claiming he loved me while seeing someone else.

    But most recently I’ve begun dating a friend of 7 years. It’s easy and difficult all at once. Easy because we know eachother. Difficult because we know eachother. The funny bit was that neither of us really believed that the other was actually interested or serious about a relationship at first. There had been so many comments, jokes, teasing over the years that … well it took a bit to cut to the chase as it were. Both have had feelings for the other since day one - either dating others, too busy, different city etc.

    Also, venus in pisces.. which might also explain my slowness of getting around to things. Him venus in cancer, very shy guy.

15. DT. says on 5/17/07 at 7:39 pm:
    

    Eh, I’ve got Uranus and Neptune hanging out in my Sagde 7th house… Um, haven’t many male friends, but the ones I did have always ended up harboring feelings I never reciprocated and needless to say, I sort of uh, eject out of my seat due to discomfort, awkwardness. Yeah, yeah, I know. The ones that I did feel something for were and still are always unavailable (in another relationship, distance, amongst other reasons).

    Oh yeah, my Venus is in Aquarius (8th/9th cusp).

    Very unstable, unpredictable and unconventional, is all I can say.

    So… I sort of suck, eh.

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