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Double Virgo Moves Country, Wonders If She Should Go Home: Saturn Transit Through Virgo
Dear Elsa,
I left my home country two years ago to study in the States, and since then I have had a very difficult time coming to terms with my realization of how things really were back home. My mother is a very controlling and sometimes verbally abusive woman. My dad, although a nice man, is emotionally distant and my brothers haven’t bothered to talk to me since I moved here. The moment I stopped making effort to keep in touch, they disappeared.
So, here I am in the States all alone, with friends but not ones that are deep, intense or intimate. I was in a casual relationship this past year with a man here in the states who I loved very deeply, but who didn’t want to be with me exclusively. After going to therapy this past summer for depression, I started to stand up for myself, create healthy boundaries, and get angry for the first time in my life. After this change in me started happening, most of my friends back home just disappeared.
I feel very lonely and craving deeply to have a home to call my own. So should I stay here in the States hoping to eventually build a family of my own, or go back home?
Double Virgo
Macedonia
Dear Virgo,
I don’t think running home is going to solve this. Your chart reeks of everything you just described. For example, the disappearing partners? You have Neptune (erase) on your descendant (relationships) - so wherever you go, you are going to find this scenario constellating and only consciousness will help.
Same on the family issues. If you go home you are depressed around family. If you stay in your new land, you are depressed with no family but help is on the way.
However the help that is coming is Saturn’s transit through Virgo and Saturn is not some kind of light fare thing. Virgo will be called upon to grow up and define themselves and this goes for all Virgos not just you.
But specific to you, all your Virgo (and your natal Saturn) is concentrated in and around the 4th house / Moon which represents your family and your roots. And you can see how things are things are beginning to become concentrated here and I’ll tell you exactly what you are going to have to do to resolve this:
You are going to have to build (Saturn) your own family (4th house). You will have to be responsible for putting down your roots, wherever you want them and basically mapping out your piece of ground and I will use my friend, Denis as an example because he’s a good one.
Denis came to the US from Cameroon and he has been here 15 years or so. He is well established in this country but maintains connections with his home country both here and there.
He stays in contact, and is currently opening a business in Cameroon. Closer to home (this home) he is part of a network, a support group of sorts for transplanted Cameroonians who have relocated to this city. He has also formed relationships with people who have nothing to do with Cameroon… however he feeds them his home food!
I’m sure you get the picture. This is the answer. You can go home but if you do, you still need to map out and stake your territory and one more tip:
Personally, this is a 5 year odyssey you are heading into, so please adjust your watch to “very slow progress”.
Good luck!
~~
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Dear Virgo,
I have a similar situation to yours - I left my country 5 years ago and have lived in 2 different foreign countries since. Still, I am struggling with defining what ‘home’ is. I do have a supportive family and lover now which helps immensely, but I had to do without those in the first two years too. It seemed that everyone I touched in the beginning (literally) disappeared, and I was left feeling grief for my empty life. For me - the magic formula (although in fact it is not really magic, it is a combination of faith and perseverance)is: the opposite of ‘nowhere’ is not ’somewhere’ but ‘everywere’ and ‘anywhere’. I am now consciously trying to define who I am and what I stand for, and once that becomes clear a lot of excess baggage falls off your shoulders. Though I seriously considered moving back ‘home’ last year because I just *could not face it anymore*, I realised that home was not home anymore either. In fact I went home for 8 months a few years ago, and apart from the fact that life is easier because you know the conventions, language etc, the deeper issues do not change. Now I’m back abroad again.
Take it easy dear, one step at a time. If you allow yourself to slow down, the type of deeper relationships you are yearning for will allow to take shape - this is my experience. And also, try to accept that you are lonely, that this is a state of affairs. With that as a baseline, it becomes easier to bear: you will not be defeated by loneliness. It’s a paradox, but once I accepted this, and I started being more picky about who I want to spend my time with (preferring being lonely over spending time with people who I did not like that much after all), the relationships I did choose to have improved enormously.
For myself, I would like this period to make me into someone who can be a home for myself, for my friends, for my lover, for my family and for people I meet along the road *anywhere*. That,for me, is home.
Much love, and know that you are not alone.
As an Army brat, I suffer from a similar sense of longing for a place to call home. My family is scattered all over the country, and we do the obligatory chit chat on the holidays, but otherwise, I’m pretty much alone. Even when I was married, I felt lost, disconnected. (He was a Soldier, so we just continued my pattern of constant-moving.)
It took almost two years of therapy for me to finally plant roots of my own in a state I never would’ve considered a ‘home’ when I was younger, and I’ve never been happier! I have my own family and collection of friends who should be considered family. I’m well-established here, even considered a regular at places I frequent.
It WAS slow going, but the end result, the woman I’ve become, was worth every ounce of effort.
Good luck!!
Elsa,
Thank you so much for this advice, you have made my decision so much easier now. Thanks for your patience and understanding too! I know that I need roots more than I need any worldly sucess, I’ve only recently admitted that to myself. Not only that but I havent actualy built my personality yet. So you are right on the money. As for the dissapearing men, a while back when, I actually had one who pulled that on me. Flew to Los Angeles and never called! I only wish I knew how to protect myself from the heartache that was following…I wish I could see people more clearly.
I can’t wait to start working and building my own family. Thanks you guys for your caring comments and encouragment. Somehow I know things will be ok, despite everything. If I survived loosing my family and friends and I’m coping with it, then not even an H-Bomb will get me now.
Much love,
Elena