But later, tempers flared. First time since 2003 so overdue, I would say. This has swearing so if you have virgin ears…

“You don’t have a good answer, do you!” he said threateningly.

“What? You don’t like my answer? Well to hell with you! You aren’t asking anyway. You don’t want to know what I think. You just want to tell me what you think! You just want to yell!” I yelled.

“I do so want to know what you think! So why don’t you just tell me. TELL ME!”

“I can’t tell you when you’re yelling at me! How am I supposed to think, you son of a bitch! Look. I don’t react well to people who think they are going to stand and yell down at me. I don’t react well at all. And I don’t know what I’m going to do but it’s going to be one of 2 things,” I was screaming at the top of lungs. “I am going either start crying or I am going to try to kill you! So how about that? Do you want to fuck with me? Because if you do, you can have one of my reactions! HOW ABOUT IT! YOU WANT A FUCKIN’ REACTION OUT ME!”

I know for a fact, a crying woman is his worst nightmare. It disables him completely.

“Just answer the question,” he said. He was pissed. “You can’t do it!”

“That’s right! I can’t answer the fuckin’ question with some bastard screaming at me to answer the question. Just who do you have me mixed up with? You think you are the drill sergeant of me? What am I, some underling you can yell at? What are you going to do? Make me a man? You want to prove I’m not a man! Gee, Elsa, You’re not a man! Well no shit! Of course I’m not a man, asshole! I never was a man and I am never gonna be a man so if you want to be on the phone with a man, what the fuck are you doing calling me? Because here is the news: THE NEWS IS…..” I said all dramatically… “THE NEWS IS, I AM A WOMAN! And I am sure as hell not in the army, and underling to you, am I? You’re not training me, so don’t you think you’re going to stand over me and yell, veins popped out like some kind of maniac because if you do there are going to be big fuckin’ problems! ME! I will be the fuckin’ problem you will have if you don’t stop yelling at me and battering me with your loud voice and your fuckin’ pedigree as if you are somehow… I’M NOT IN THE ARMY! GET IT?”

“Okay, okay. Sorry about that. I didn’t mean to do that. I lost myself. I know you aren’t in the army. I’m sorry I acted like that but I still want to know why you can’t answer that question? I want that fuckin’ question answered…” He was so pissed. He was really pissed.

“No, I can’t answer the question! I tried but you didn’t like my answer! My answer is not to your specifications therefore it doesn’t count! Therefore it is invalid. I cannot define and document my thoughts and feelings and back them up with 2000 or 8000 or 100,000 years of history the way you can because guess what? I’M NOT YOU! I AM NOT YOU! And by the way, THANK GOD… I AM NOT YOU! DID YOU HEAR ME! I didn’t read those books! How many times do I have to tell you? I thought you were the smart one! You are the smart one! So why can’t you figure this out? It’s very simple… I’M NOT YOU! How could you think I am? I don’t look like you and I am not even in the room with you, so guess what that means? IT MEANS I’M NOT YOU! And I am sorry my answers are ethereal, however they are! And if you don’t like ethereal people what the hell are you calling me for?? Don’t call me and expect me to be a man. Don’t call me and expect me to be you! And if you don’t like me and the way I answer questions… um, I answer then honestly and the best I can, then guess what? DON’T FUCKIN’ ASK ME QUESTIONS! Just fuck the fuck off instead, why don’t you! Ask some other motherfucker your motherfucking questions and rip their head off why don’t you? Go batter someone else, you dumbass son of a bitch! Because you are pissing me off beyond belief!”

That did it. He yelled for the next 15 minutes while I listened, smugly. He was on a tear.

Then someone said, “Are we done?” I think it was him.

“I’m done, are you done?”

“I’m done too. Er… I guess we’re Italian.”

“Yeah.”

Two sighs and four seconds later all was well. Sometimes you’ve just gotta blow.

“We’re from Rome, P and this is how we are. It’s in the blood whether we like it or not. Sometimes we’re just going to yell, that’s all there is to it.”

Are you from a LOUD, expressive culture?