Talk about the shadow. I was talking to the soldier about a man I knew some years ago…

“So we were getting married. We were engaged and now I was going home with him to meet his family. They were rich. They were quite wealthy but he was more like me. He was eccentric I guess you could say. He was also very philosophical… he was environmental and this sort of thing. He wasn’t worried about status, that’s for sure. He was involved with his beliefs which were all high-minded and spiritual but anyway, he was talking me home so I could meet his family and we were both really happy. I was happy but he was ecstatic.”

“Well, he was with you.”

“Whatever. That’s not the story. The story is he was happy and we were going to meet his family and we were traveling to do it, which we both liked. And his brother was coming with.”

“His brother came with you?”

“Yeah. He had a brother and I’ll tell you this: You could not ask for a better brother-in-law. I really liked him. He was grand, and he was traveling with us. And we always had a good time, the 3 of us but going home, he was nervous.”

“Why was he nervous?”

“Well that’s the story, isn’t it? He was nervous but my fiance was not. He thought everything was going to be fine. See, he hadn’t taken a woman home to meet his family in years. Since high school! So everyone understood this guy loved the hell out of me. He had finally found someone he wanted to marry so hooray and all that. Happy day.”

“So what happened? Did you meet his family?”

“I did. We pulled up in front of the house. The three of us flew East and then we were driving through three states to meet everyone. So anyway, we walked up to the door, knocked, and walked inside.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And the father who looked all tense, looked at me. Hi, he said. It was strange. I need to talk to my son.”

“That’s what he said?”

“Yeah. In the other room, he added. So I just shrugged. I had no idea what was going on. But my fiance took off with his father and one minute later I hear all this screaming.”

“What screaming?”

“Well the father wanted to know what his son was doing… how he could have the audacity to show up at his house with a nigger.”

“A what?”

“A nigger. Me. He meant me. I am the nigger and he was screaming it too.”

“HOW DARE YOU BRING THAT NIGGER TO MY HOUSE!! YOU KNOW I HATE NIGGERS! I HATE NIGGERS AND NOW I’VE GOT ONE STANDING RIGHT OUT THERE IN MY LIVING ROOM!”

He gasped.

“Yeah. Well it didn’t bother me that much. I’d have thought it was funny if not for the brother.”

“Why, what did he do?”

“Oh God, he was mortified. He was embarrassed. He would have liked to protect me I guess but there was nothing he could do. He was apologizing. He was beside himself. He as shaking. You know. He was saying, oh God, oh God, I was afraid this would happen. I told him this would happen… oh Elsa, I am so sorry..”

“What did you do?”

“Nothing. I told the brother not to worry about it. I see you father is an asshole, I said. It’s not your fault so don’t worry about it. Say! Why don’t we go outside so we don’t have to listen to this?”

“What did he do?”

“He went outside with me. He was so upset. He was triggered I would say so he seemed really grateful someone had some idea what to do. And I did know what to do. I was very calm. I mean, he didn’t know it but fact is I know all about bigots so I was able to process the situation really quickly. Almost instantly.”

“I’ve never heard of anything like this in my life. I have no idea what I’d do in a situation like that,” he said.

“Well I don’t know how to live in the bush and sleep on a rock so I guess we’re even. But here’s the thing: When someone acts like that, you know everything about them. Everything. You have seen all their cards and what do they know about you? Nothing. And to me this is amusing. I think it’s funny as hell, so you know. I told that guy his father was an asshole and I told him in such a way, pretty soon we were standing out there laughing about him.”

“Laughing? You were laughing about this.”

“Oh yeah. I was in my element. Plus I knew something was going on. You know. Why was the brother so nervous? Ah ha! This is why. That poor guy. He really liked me. And I am sure he knew something like this would happen.”

“Why didn’t your fiance know?”

“Denial. He thought because he loved me and he was so happy, his family would love me. He said that repeatedly but turns out it was mere wishful thinking. I was the nigger-astrologer coming to the Thanksgiving party and that was all there was to it. I was the dark side and I didn’t even have to talk to achieve that,” I said with a chuckle. “So when you’re this good at something, don’t think you don’t know all about it because you do. And the thing you know all about is the light side that’s projecting. Because what’s this guy know about me? He knows I’m a nigger. So just what exactly is that, anyway? What’s a nigger anyway? To look at someone and call them a nigger is to know absolutely nothing. You cannot possibly be stupider than you are in that moment.”

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