I mentioned awhile back how I pop through my lunar returns as a habit and how every month of the next 6-8 is a massive train wreck, however no one should gloat.

Because I betcha anything if you look at yours they are nearly as bad as mine or worse. Bottom line, we’re all in this together. So on that note sometimes the best someone like me can do is provide a distraction so in that vein, here comes some court stories…

Now I’ve stated many times that I always win in court and I do. But since I never win anything, I think it would be more accurate to say the other person loses. Because they do lose and further, the loss is almost always completely humiliating.

And it’s not because of me Well, it is because of me because I sit there on the stand with all my credibility and if you’re lying or full of shit, well you just don’t come off that good when the judge is judging.

And this has happened so frequently I’ve had to draw the conclusion that showing up in court to testify is one of my jobs on this planet. Sort of like they need a Saturn figure, so call Elsa.

So one time I was in court with a Scorpio. This guy had four planets in Scorpio and Pluto in Leo conjunct his ascendant and square all the Scorpio. Does this some like a baby-man to you? Me neither. But this guy had a Cancer Mars. And Mars is how you fight, yes?

So here this guy comes walking into the courtroom, and he was in his 40’s by the way. I was 30. But he shows up with this mother-y type woman, who is damned near holding his hand. You know. Poor guy can hardly walk without support after what he’s been through with me. He needs the big ol’ protective wing of this MOM person to face me in court… while he sits there and lies through his teeth as she pats his hand.

::laughs::

Yep. This gal was wearing a “mom dress”. It was plaid with large squares and a cinched waist and a full skirt. She only lacked the apron and she sat near him to provide support and comfort as he lied with his voice fake-shaking. ::snickers:: Poor baby. Don’t worry, you poor thing. We’ll get through this.

I was flabbergasted of course. I was stupefied because I had this guy’s chart.

And this was a different liar, not the other liar I mentioned. Turns out people lie in court all the time. They lie as a matter of routine, I would say. But anyway, the judge didn’t buy it.

See, I was pregnant for one thing. With my first baby no less and if you’ve ever had a baby, especially if you are a Capricorn… well it’s terrifying! It is also terrifying to be in court So this judge was having a hard time believing this guy’s story and in fact only listened to about five minutes of it before he cut him off and told him he was the lousiest excuse for a man he’d ever seen, hopeless, and he should basically get the hell out of his courtroom.

And then he turned to me and said, “Have a nice day, Elsa.”

“Thank you, sir,” I said with a little smile. After all, judges scare me. Not enough to bring my mother, but you know.

“Thank you, very much,” I said as I got off the stand and scurried out of the chair, out of the courtroom, out of the courthouse and back to freedom.

God I hate court. But if the universe wants you to lose it may just send me and it does, you will be toast because I am batting 1000 on this.

Have you ever testified in court? How did you do? Did you like it?