This is for the new moon in Aries. I love men!

“Shoes?” he asked.

“Yeah, your shoes. I am not going to be able to fill them so why try? I decided to get some other kind of shoes for my bedroom. Some guy with some cowboy boots, maybe. Something. Anything that wasn’t military. Because think about it. Do I want to see some other guy sitting on the bed shining his shiny shoes? Give me that cloth, Els?”

“No, you’re not going to want to see that again.”

“Right. It would have been like torture and I don’t like torture. I like to have a good time. I like to be happy so I just sat there and made a series of decisions like this that would lead me there. I made a plan and once I had thought it through completely and settled on it, I executed it. I amputated. There was just no other way. And that was just one of the things that fell that day. Don’t kid yourself that you can ever date a soldier again because you can’t.”

“Well that makes a lot of sense.”

“Right. And I had to give up rugby players too.”

“Rugby players?” He seemed surprised.

“Well yeah. Very unfortunately,” I said. “Bummer of all time. Because if there is one thing I like it’s rugby players. Gah. I love those guys.”

“Really? I quit playing rugby,” he said.

It was 2003 and we’d just got back into contact.

“You did?” Now I was surprised. “Yes, I like rugby players. I just like men, period. I can’t help it. Why did you stop playing?”

“Oh, I just decided it was a stupid reason to get a broken bone. Break your bone for what? For a game? There are good reasons to break a bone and that’s not one of them.”

“No? What’s a good reason to break a bone?”

“Well if you get a bone broken in combat, that’s a good reason. I broke my leg in combat and it hurt like hell. But I consider it well worth it a broken leg to win a war. It’s worth two broken legs if you win the war You break what you have to break to win.”

I laughed. “I see. Well that’s too bad. If I’d have known you gave up rugby I might have been able to screw some of those rugby players I let pass.”

He laughed.

‘Yeah, I let them pass. And there were a lot of them too. Matter of fact, one year someone gave me a whole rugby team for my birthday. So I am talking a lot of rugby players in my life. Many. Many, many, many, way more than my share.”

“They gave you what for your birthday?”

“They gave me a rugby team. The whole team. There was like, 20 of them. Maybe 25. It was pretty funny but also one of the most mortifying things that ever happened to me.”

“Who gave you a rugby team, E?”

“Oh… Budweiser did it. It’s a long story. I wrote it down. I wrote that story so I’ll send it to you and you can read it. But anyway I got this whole team for my birthday. Believe me, I did. All these dudes named, Tamas, and stuff like that. Hi, I’m Tamas. I’m your birthday present.” I laughed. “They did it to embarrass me. To shut me up and it did.”

“They wanted to shut you up?”

“Oh hell yes. So they sent a whole rugby team came into my bar one at a time, or two at a time. They just kept showing up in their rugby clothes right as I was getting off work. Hi, I’m Terry. I’m your birthday present. And this is Frank, he’s yours too.” I laughed.

“You’re kidding, E?”

“No I’m not. I have pictures! See, they sent them into my bar on my birthday. This whole team descended one or two at a time, telling me they were for me until the whole bar was full of rugby dudes, all singing to me. God, I almost died.” I snorted. “I was incredibly embarrassed. I turned beat red which everyone enjoyed immensely, believe me.”

He laughed. “I’d have liked to seen that.”

“Yeah, I bet. Everyone had a good time, I’ll tell you that. Everybody but me. I was mortified. They all wanted to see me struck dumb and they got it. I’d never been so embarrassed in my life. But on the other hand, what the hell? All these burly men and all of them for me.” I snorted. “Which I deserved, of course. Why not? I deserve a rugby team. But see, I could not get to know any of them. I could not pick a boyfriend out of the pile or sleep with any of them for the pure terror.”

“What terror. What were you afraid of?”

“Oh, I thought I might be in bed with one of these guys and have your name would come up.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, I imagined this. Like they would say, we have a game this weekend and blah blah is on that team and it would be you.” I snorted. “And then what would I do? Faint? I have no idea how I would handle something like that. Because if I was in bed with one of those guys in the first place, it would be like trying to be in bed with you and then your name comes up and what would that mean?”

“What would it mean?”

“Means I’m busted!”

He laughed. “I guess so.”

“Yep. Busted being in bed with one man when I really want to be in bed with another, so you get the idea. I really had to swear off everything that really smacked of you and whether you quit playing or not, I associated you with rugby, big time.”

To be continued.

skip to Babe The Pig Gets Resolution

Have you ever found yourself… realized you were sleeping with a surrogate of an ex-lover? How did you feel? Was it conscious?

pictured - those are pictures of my actual team (my guys are in the blue and white). I have pictures of them all when they descended that night but they are way too embarrassing to Elsa so this is all you get.