Dear Co-worker

This is a great question. I think you are very wise to be approaching this cautiously. Because you have a friend here who I don’t think you want to lose. And though I don’t think you can avoid broaching this subject with him without going insane, I think you should get a cool head about you first. And with this I can help, since I am not in love with him… you are.

First, you have to prepare yourself for the worst, which I really don’t think is that bad. The worst being that he is not interested in you in this way. Because to be very candid, this is the most likely scenario. And it’s not personal to you. Some people just like to have friends. Friends of the opposite sex that is, and I know this because I am one of them.

So let’s say this guy is like me. And he’s found you and he likes you obviously. He’s got a friend. But does this mean he wants to escalate the relationship? Probably not. I think if he did, he’d have leaked something by now. Probably. And you are going to have to find this out once and for all, but first I have some thoughts.

The communication you describe sounds to me like a friendship that is getting deeper and for this you are very fortunate. It is hard to find good friends in this life! So I figure the smart way to play is keep your friendship no matter what. And that means you have to love and care for this guy enough to want him in your life even if he does not want to be your man in a romantic sense. Can you do that? I think you can.

So if this is agreeable to you, then all you need do is take that Capricorn Moon of yours and control your girlish feelings momentarily so that you can talk to this guy straight. And it goes something like this:

“I’ve developed a crush on you.”

If he says, “Oh no!” that is all you need to know. Back off immediately.

“But I know this is not what you want to do so I am going to work it out. Don’t worry, okay? I’ll work this out myself, I want to be friends…”

It will be uncomfortable but you can see how this is the worst that could happen and it’s not that bad. Because if it plays this way, you will be released from your crush which means you will be free to look elsewhere for a man… and keep your friend too!

So if he does respond in this sort of way, then you do exactly what you said you were going to do. Get over it! And the next time you talk take it back to the regular friendship and at that point everyone can be relieved this has been asked and answered and you can move beyond this to a place where your friendship can be lifelong.

And if you get a different response… “I am in love with you too!”

Well then you’re off in another direction. But here is my advice:

Bring this up but make it a very little deal. If it is meant to grow, it will grow and nothing will stop it.

Good luck, and again… I admire your thoughtful nature.

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