Dharmaruci comments regarding the Soldier:

He wants the girl and what does he get… a book!

Dharmaruci - This struck me as funny. You’re so right! Have you ever seen the cartoon, Catscratch? There is this car (Gordon)… he’s the short stubby cat, pictured. He is a boy cat with one long claw… “THE CLAWWWWWW” he calls it and he is love with the Human Kimberly.

“Have you ever seen Catscratch, P?” the soldier asked.

“No, I don’t watch TV. I never see TV, ever. I just never turn it on.”

“Oh yeah. Well there is this cartoon… it’s my favorite cartoon. I love to watch it because it reminds me of me and you.”

“Yeah? Why?”
“Well there is this cat, his name is Gordon. And he loves… and I mean he luvvvvvs this girl.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, but she’s not a girl he can have. She’s not a girl cat. He’s a boy cat, but she’s a human. She’s the Human Kimberly and he just loves the hell out of her.”

“Does she love him?”

“No. Hell no. She likes him all right, but not all that much. Not like he loves her. She’s… oblivious. She doesn’t pay him that much attention. She’s got this personality that is like yours. She’s just floating around. She’s not worried about some cat who is in love with her, that’s for sure. His love… the fact some short fat boxy looking cat is in love with her has no effect at all.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, but Gordon, he’s lovesick. All he does is think of her and try to dream up ways he can be with Kimberly. Just to be in her presence,” he said.

I roared. “You gotta be kidding me.”

“No. For example in one episode he can’t go over to her house so he’s got to figure out some way he can over there and see her and hope she notices… his love.”

I was laughing like hell.

“So he can’t go over… he’s not allowed to go to Human Kimberly’s anymore because he’s a boy. So of course he gets a blonde wig.”

I snorted.

“And he goes over there with this wig on… dressed like a girl so he can see her. He’s being crafty… he is love-driven.”

“Does she appreciate that?”

“No. Oh, hell no. She just thinks he’s one of the normal… he’s just one of the neighborhood cats to her, but to him? To him, the Human Kimberly is the greatest, most desirable thing in existence.’

I was laughing so hard. “So this is how you think we are?”

“Uh huh? I am just like that cat. I am never going away. Me and Gordon have a lot in common. Including, THE CLAWWWWWWWWW. And you are like Kimberly. The Love Object.”

“I feel bad about this,” I said with a chuckle. “But not that bad I guess, because I’m laughing.”

“Well you should laugh. It’s funny. There is nothing wrong with it. This is the just the way we are. It’s the way I am and the way you are.”

“You think?”

“Yeah. You just float around out there. You are oblivious to to me in a way. You are oblivious to all kinds of things but it’s not your fault. It’s just the way you are. You just float around and you always have.”

“Oh God,” I said which the embarrassed laugh of one who’s been busted.

“And I would not like to see this change. You bring too much to too many people’s lives. They see you floating around they think… it inspires them.”

“It does?”

“Hell yes, it does. And it’s very important you stay exactly how you are and keep doing what you do, the way you do. I hope like hell you never change even one tiny bit. And I don’t think you will. I don’t think you could if you wanted to and I thank God for it.”

“You do? So this doesn’t bother you?” I was still laughing. Just the name “Human Kimberly” cracks me up. “You don’t care if you’re the lovesick one and I float around, detached?”

“No, hell no. I don’t mind at all. I don’t mind being Gordon. I am Gordon. I’m just like that cat and I like watching my cartoon version. I can relate to Gordon. I know just how that cat feels. And he’s glad there is a Human Kimberly in his life, believe me.”

By then I had to wipe the tears I was laughing so hard. “Okay, then.”

“Yeah, it’s okay, P. Gordon has the Human Kimberly. I have the Human Elsa and all of this is right just the way it is. Just don’t cut off my email like you did in 2003, okay..?”

Ha ha ha.

I would say this is my Uranus in the 7th (detached) crossed with Venus square Neptune (oblivious). Also, just Virgo in general.
And does that cat look, Taurus or what?

Various episodes of Catscratch:

- In an attempt to impress his beloved Human Kimberly, Gordon lies and tells her he will take her to see a real unicorn…

- After Blik is insulted by Human Kimberly, he becomes convinced that she is as mean and nasty as he is and falls madly in love. Only one problem: she’s Gordon’s girl!

-Kimberly’s new bunny, Sachico, is the cutest, biggest-eyed, most adorable-est creature ever! Filled with jealousy of Kimberly’s new friend, Gordon decides to confront the rabbit

Are you more like Gordon?
Or Human Kimberly?