17 Years Old and Bored With Her Boyfriend: Double Libra, Cancer Moon
Dear Elsa,
I’ve been dating this guy for 6 months almost and he’s so sweet. He’s my best friend and he has been for almost three years. He’s someone I can tell almost anything too, the only person I can really confide in.
My problem is that I’m just really bored. We don’t ever do anything and I’m afraid if I break it off, I’ll be making the biggest mistake of my life - or that he’ll overreact. He tells me on a daily basis that he doesn’t see his life without me in it. I used to feel the same, but I’m an outgoing type of person. I swear I have unofficial ADHD and I’m as hyper as can be. Definitely full of energy. He, however, is completely laid back, very simple.
Something else is holding me from breaking it off just yet. I have had an inside joke with him about breaking it off in six months, because I needed to get back into the dating world. And I was totally kidding because I was so completely into him but now that six months is coming up I don’t know how he’d take that.
He told me a few nights ago that he was really worried about that whole “six month thing”. I don’t know what to do. My mind is so confused. I don’t want to hurt him but I miss things like dating and flirting. I don’t remember the last time we went on a date. i don’t think we ever have… any advice??
Bored To Tears
United States
Dear Bored,
Yeah, I have advice. Dump this guy! He’s not the one for you. Not even close. Plus I think he is subtly manipulating you. He knows damned well he can’t hold you. He knows he’s not the one for you but he is exploiting your co-dependency… and your good nature to hold you as long as he can, anyway.
But look. You are 17! And you have every right and reason to go out and have all the fun you possibly can. And ADHD? It sounds to me like anyone would merit this diagnosis standing next to this guy - so stop standing next to this guy! ::smiles::
Seriously, though. If this guy is really “sweet” then when you tell him you are unhappy and want to leave the relationship… he will be sad, but hold the door for you and wish you luck.
But if he’s actually sorry and manipulative, then he will try to keep you by making you feel guilty and perhaps even going as far as to threaten suicide (he can’t live without you).
Now I don’t know if he will go that far and I hope he doesn’t, but I want you to be prepared in case and I have been through this so I can tell you exactly what to do.
“I think I may kill myself if you leave,” he said.
“I am very sorry,” I said. “I hope you don’t die, but I am still going to leave.”
Now that may sound heartless but you can’t spend your life tied to someone in order to keep them alive, right? So take this tack and if he threatens again (highly doubt he will be serious) be prepared to call the police and tell them you have a friend threatening suicide… they’ll do the rest.
But you? Get out. Go have some fun. If this guy is a true friend, he will still be your friend and if not? Well then that is his problem. And making “the biggest mistake of your life”? Uh uh. You’re unhappy, hon. You’re dyin’ on the vine with this guy. Go out and live… you’ll be setting an example for him and for others.
Good luck.
~~
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3 Responses to “17 Years Old and Bored With Her Boyfriend: Double Libra, Cancer Moon”
Sometimes I wonder when people became more concerned about hurting other people than their own happiness.
Wait, you see that happen very often? Where do you live? I am gonna move there presently, ’cause where I live people are constantly thinking about their own happiness and giving a damn crap about hurting other people!
Elsa has taught me that we are all on our own path and you can’t hold on when it’s time to move forward - if you mentioned even “joking” that you wanted to be single in 6 months then you want to be single and it will happen easily and with love if he’s a true friend, or painfully with powerplays and guilt.
Just go. And don’t look back.
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Amen!!
Sometimes I wonder when people became more concerned about hurting other people than their own happiness. Because in the end — and bc most people are smarter even in denial — the unhappiness is going to hurt them just as badly as breaking it off when you realize it’s done.