‘So these people who didn’t want you to marry me. All the people who were working against me. Did they know you loved me?” he asked.

“Well, yeah I think so. I guess they did. I talked about you all the time. I talked about you constantly. I was always telling people about the things we did. I told them what we were doing, where we went. I told them everything about us except for the things we did that we decided not to tell people.”

He laughed.

“So yeah. We were always have a great time together so you’d think it would have been pretty obvious how I felt and what was going on.”

“Did they know I loved you?”

“I don’t know. I never asked anyone that or even thought about it. I guess they didn’t think you loved me actually. Not the way you did, that’s for sure. They thought you were talking advantage of me or tricking me.”

“Tricking you?”

“Yeah. They were worried. I just don’t think anyone could figure you out.”

“What’s to figure out? I love you, you love me. I am a simple man (Taurus).”

“No you’re not a simple man. I would not be caught dead with a simple man. Not this lifetime. There will be no simple men for me.”

“Okay, tell me. What is not simple about me?”

“Well the main conflict was the violence. There was an obvious violence about and around your life.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. So that’s one thing. And if that’s all you did… if that was all you were, then people would judge you on that in whatever way they deemed. But that’s not all you did.”

“What else did I do? Besides be violent,” he said.

I could tell he was getting hot. We were on the phone but I can tell his blood pressure at all times. I just know.

“Well you would sing me to sleep at night for one thing.”

“Well yeah, I’d sing you to sleep at night. I sung you to sleep every night. Every night I was there, you got sung to sleep. Why not? I took care of you, P. I did everything I could for you.”

“Right. And I told them that. He sings me to sleep at night. He plays his guitar and sings to me.”

“And what did they say? What’s wrong with playing my guitar and singing? What possible crime could I have been committing with that?”

“Oh, well it’s incongruent I guess. You are this badass… you’re a braggart or whatever but then you sing to me at night. They didn’t trust that.”

“They don’t trust singing?”

He was incredulous but his blood pressure had fallen some.

“Singing is fine. Just not you if you do it. See, you’re supposed to be this alpha male. You’re very masculine. So then be that. I have this soldier boyfriend who aggressive. He’s ambitious and he wants to be the King of the world. That right there is one person and could probably have been accepted. You know. It’s okay to be a young ambitious soldier, I guess.”

“I guess?”

“Well yeah. I am telling you how people think since you have no idea. You’re not really from this world as most people know it, so listen and I’ll tell you how people think.”

“Listening, P. I am listening to this bullshit,” he said.

I could tell he was up on his feet. He was not sitting down for this.

“So you’re this young soldier… you’re confident. But there is an edge to you, because the Special Forces thing is coming into play. So that’s something else people are trying to process. And we weren’t from some SF part of the country, right?”

“That’s right. Not many desert boys in SF,” he said.

“Right. So it’s sort of strange in the neighborhood there. Special Forces is not part of the landscape. People don’t really have this… Special Forces is not part of their environment or psyche. So they are trying to process this and make sense of you. And not only that but of you with me. They were trying to figure it out. So there is all this and then you start singing. Sweetly no less,” I said with a chuckle. “I mean you didn’t just sing to me. You sang me love songs, the nicest ones you could find.”

“So? So I’m sappy. I’m very sappy. But what am I supposed to sing you besides love songs? To someone you love, you sing love songs, don’t you? What should I have been singing you? Hate songs? Do you sing your girlfriend songs of hate? I don’t believe this.”

“Well I’m sorry,” I said in deference to his rising blood pressure. “I guess they decided you were this bad guy.You were this bad ass gonna-be Special Forces dude and now you’re wooing me.”

“Wooing you? I wasn’t wooing you! I was your boyfriend for chrissakes and I was singing you songs! You were my girlfriend, Elsa. We were together a long time. We were in love! What the fuck could these people have been thinking? They were insane! What wooing? There was no wooing. I was just singing to you. That’s what I do! I play the guitar!”

He stopped to let me respond but I didn’t know what to say so he kept talking.

“Whatever wooing there ever was, it took place in the first five minutes we met. That was it! For five minutes I wooed you. I lit your cigarette. I told you a couple jokes. There! I wooed you! I wooed you and tricked you with two sentences and a matchstick! That was all there was. How’s that for wooing you? And now here it is, two years later, I sing you a song and they think I’m wooing you? I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

“I’m telling you as fast as I can, so just try to listen. And calm down if you can, so I can tell you this.”

“Okay, okay. I’m calm. I’ll calm down so just tell me. I’m calm and I do want to know this.”

He did calm. He gets hot fast and cools off the same way. He’s on a thermostat, I swear it. He is completely self-regulating unless it serves him otherwise. If he thinks it will serve him to throw the throttle wide open and go for broke, he surely can but he does not have accidents.

“Well about the singing and wooing, they decided you were dangerous to me.”

“Dangerous? To you, I’m dangerous? You gotta be kidding me, P. Tell me you’re kidding that my singing you songs is dangerous to you before I lose my fuckin’ mind.”

I laughed. “No. They thought you were dangerous. Or that you were potentially dangerous. You might be dangerous… or you might not. But no one wanted to take a chance. No one was going to bet on you.”

“Bet on me? BET ON ME? Bet on what? That I am going to hurt you? That I would hurt you?”

He was getting hot again. Red hot.

“Yes. No. Well, sort of yes. See they thought you were this bad dude… maybe. You might be a bad dude, and me? Well I’m stupid, and that much was for sure. I’m surely as dumb as a post, so what I think can’t be trusted at all.”

“Why not? How can you be stupid?

“Because I’m wooed! Because of all the love songs, my brain is mush.”

“Oh my God! Your brain was not mush! Your brain could not be mush to save it’s life! Elsa’s mushy brain. That’ll be the day. That’s the most ridiculous…”

“I know, but listen. I’m trying to tell you something for a change. As opposed to never tell you anything,” I said. “Remember? I’m supposed to be able to talk to you these days.”

“Okay, you’re right. Tell me and I’ll stay calm. I’m listenin’, P. Go ahead.”

“Okay, good. Thanks. So they thought all this stuff. I’m stupid and you’re not. You know too many languages to be stupid. You know too many songs,” I said snottily.

“Oh brother. What is wrong with these people?”

“Don’t know, but there was a lot of them and they all agreed. I’m from the desert, you are a bad ass and they agreed…”

“Agreed what?”

“They agreed you were probably singing to me to trick me. To lull me into a state of complacency so you could do some evil thing later on.” I laughed.

“Oh my God.”

“Whatever. I’m telling you this. You’re going into Special Forces and you’re tricking me, or at least you might be, and no one is going to take chance. Because after all, I’m Elsa!” I said. “And I have dimples, you know. I am very sweet. So we don’t need any mean soldiers coming around here and tricking this poor desert girl.”

“Oh my lord,” he said. “That’s the stupidest thing I ever heard in my life. Someone should have their ass kicked for this. Someone actually said this kind of stuff to you?”

“Yes. More than one person said that to me. Everyone said that to me. We don’t trust this guy, Elsa. We think he’s up to no good. In fact, we’re pretty sure of it. We’ve… we’ve had a committee and we’ve come to this conclusion about your boyfriend. We’ve also decided to tell you about it and furthermore, we really think you should to listen to us. It would be in your best interest if you would.”

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pictured: Mars and Venus United by Love, Paolo Veronese c. 1570, Oil on canvas, 205,7 x 161 cm, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York,