I state (in Ben’s voice) that he does not like attention and savetonight asks:

“How does he feel about the attention he’s getting on here?”

Great question! I’ll tell you exactly how he feels and I’ll elaborate. Because although his position is simply stated, Ben is a Scorpio (part of a stellium) and everything that comes out of him is very deeply rooted and his distaste for attention is real.

I remember the first time Ben got a standing ovation for playing his cello and he would tell you that it just about killed him. He’s a Scorpio, yes? How many arachnids do you know, comfortable in the bright light? He was standing there, heaving as the applause thundered down.

This incident (many years ago) sent him home to hole up in his apartment for three days and three nights, not answering the phone with the blinds shut tight. But he loves music and he loves playing with the symphony, and these days they use his image / energy to raise money.

So here is this guy who hates and I mean HATES the spotlight and when the orchestra puts promotional pieces in the press to raise money, they use two photos. One of the photos is of the orchestra and one of the photos is of Ben himself, posed with his cello because he plays it… barefoot.

Ben has always played the cello barefoot. He teaches barefoot as well and he always has.

In fact, this was established during his first week of teaching (nearly 25 years ago) when an administrator came into his class on say… the third day and found him barefoot.

“Put on your shoes.”

“Not if you want me to teach cello. I can’t teach wearing shoes. I can’t do anything with this cello with shoes on my feet. I need to be relaxed to do this…”

And he’d have quit (or gotten fired) and not caved on this because that’s just how Ben is. But as fate would have it… well this school district has a barefoot musical director and has for decades. Same with the local symphony orchestras because he plays with more than one.

He told me about this barefoot picture, “They are trotting all over the place with that,” he said.

“I want to see it!” I said. See, I am a barefoot person as well. I got it from Henry who obviously thinks rocks should be climbed barefoot. We are all three simpatico here.

“Elsa, no. I don’t want you to see it. I don’t want anyone to see that picture although everyone is going to. They have seen it, they will see it and they will show it to others. And then they’re going to bother me, like I’m not bothered enough as it is.”

“You are horribly bothered and always have been.”

“That’s right. You know how it is. Like I don’t have enough bother in my life. But I had to do it, or at least I thought I had to do it.”

“Why is that?”

“Because that picture makes people donate. They think I am funny or I am interesting, I guess. The barefooted cello player. I don’t know what they think but I can tell you this: Of all the money that comes in, most of it.. a good deal of it is donated to my chair, specifically. People can designate who their donation is meant for… in whose name I mean. And a lot of people donate to mine. This is for the barefoot man, they say, or something to that effect.”

I laughed. “I see. You’ve gotten very popular with that.”

“Yes I have. But as you know it was never my intention. I hate the spotlight. I loathe it and everything about it. I loathe the before, the during and the aftermath of the spotlight but I just can’t see any way of staying out it. Do you know how many symphony orchestras are going out of business? A lot of them. They are just having to close their doors. No one wants to pay for the art. You know that. Look at what you do! You create all the time and will people pay for art? No they won’t.”

“True.”

“So if taking a picture of my feet and putting it in the paper is going to help, who am I to say no? You know me, Elsa. I am not going to say no when it comes to supporting music and art, regardless of what it costs me personally. Whatever it costs and it costs plenty, it has to be done if I can do it, if it will help to fund the arts, so that’s that. My feet and my cello are in the paper. Right there next to each other. My ugly feet, my ugly legs and my cello which looks okay. All three are there in the picture, posed together for all the world to see.”

“Sorry, Ben.”

“Thank you. Thank you for listening to this and to me, and for understanding it. Because now that picture is out there, my phone is ringing off the hook and even though I unplug it, I still just want to die. And no one understands why I feel this way.”

“I do.”

“Yes. Well that’s because you feel the same way I do. You and I are similarly natured, but most people don’t understand. They do everything they can to get attention and you and I get attention and…”

“We just want to hide under the bed,” I said.

“Yes. Hide under the bed. That’s it exactly. You hide under your bed and I’ll hide under mine and maybe we can get 24 hours of peace.”

Skip to The School Assembly

Do you like the spotlight?