But he wasn’t done talking…

“And I teach my students this,” he said. “I let it be known. Don’t come to my class copying someone unless you want to be called on it. Because I will call you on it and I don’t care if you’re embarrassed. Elsa, I don’t care. These kids have to learn this or they will never amount to anything.”

“So how do you call them on it?” I asked.

“Oh! Well I just do it straight away. For example… well there is a girl I have in one my classes, she’s interesting.”

“Yeah?”

“Yes. She’s just a unique person and she works hard to develop herself. She’s a good kid and she tries hard all the time. This is middle school I teach, as you know. It’s the hardest age. Its puberty these kids are in. But anyway this girl is interesting and she’s always out in front a little bit and she struggles.”

“Uh huh?”

“Yes. Because she has the ability to distinguish herself, but should she do it? Too much of that and she will alienate herself from the rest of the class. And she knows this of course. She’s smart.”

“I get it.”

“So anyway, she’s at this age, trying to decide how she is going to be herself but still be part of the group. So she tries to be part of the group but one of the things she does to set herself apart is she fixes her hair. She finds interesting ways to fix her hair… she does things with her hair and she looks good.”

“Uh huh.”

“So she comes up with these hairstyles and they are her innovation. But the next day, or two days later, I look around and half the girls in the class have fixed their hair the way she did.”

“Oh brother.”

“I know. And I feel so sorry for this girl. I just want to wrestle these kids to the ground and tell them they can’t do this. So that’s what I do. Not literally, but you know. I tell them. I say, I see a lot of have your hair fixed like Mary’s today…”

I laughed.

He chuckled. “Well, Elsa, someone better tell them they are never going to be anything or do anything interesting if they do not find out who their own right. That’s Mary’s hair, I’ll say. Why do you want to be like Mary? You’re not, Mary. You’re Sheila. Or you’re Tammy.”

“You’re doing them a favor,” I said.

“I know I’m doing them a favor. And not many do favors for kids, you know. Nobody tells them or teaches them the things that are the most important to know. I want these kids to be individuals. I want them to dig in and find out who they are. Don’t worry about what Mary is doing with her hair today. Figure out what you’re going to do with your hair.”

“I get it.”

“I would lose my job over this. That’s how strongly I feel about it. If they want me to not bother these kids about being clones then they are going to need to find another teacher, because I will not stop. Good morning, Mary. Good morning clones of Mary. I actually say that. And these kids may think I am picking on them but eventually they figure it out. I care about each of these kids and I want them to get something out of this experience. You don’t have much time to make an impression on them. The time is very brief and you have to teach them as much as you can. And one of the things I want them to learn from me is that life is better spent developing your own person than it is looking around for someone you can copy. I tell my kids not to waste themselves. Don’t you dare waste yourself being a clone, I say.

“And this is why you are teacher of the year.”

“Elsa, I am teacher of every year. I have gotten that award so many times I’ve lost count. Every year they give me that thing and you know I hate it. I hate getting attention like that and have asked them to give it to someone else but they can’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because these kids love me. They flock to me, you’ve seen it. And if they gave Teacher of the Year to anyone but me these kids would probably riot. They may throw eggs at the person who won that wasn’t me. Who knows what they’d do. Nobody wants to find out what so every year I get that award. And it makes me sick to get it. I just hate, and I mean I loathe being in the spotlight. But I figure it’s the price I pay to be able to teach these kids something and for that I’ll do anything. So a kid may come into my class being a clone but when they leave they’re an individual and they know it and of this, I am very proud. I wish someone would have told me it was okay to be who I was when I was a kid. I had to learn the hard way.”

Were you taught it was okay to be individual, or encouraged to conform?