An Open Question: Are Marriages (And Our Lives) Predestined?

13 Responses to “An Open Question: Are Marriages (And Our Lives) Predestined?”

1. kashmiri says on 3/13/07 at 12:09 pm:
   

   I’m not sure, but it is a testament to your positive self, Elsa, to say that most people would keep the life they have. I know I would keep mine, but I can’t help but wonder how things would pan out if I had made a few decisions en route.
   You know, I’m curious!

2. Elsa says on 3/13/07 at 12:12 pm:
   

   I might have misspoke. What I meant to say was people, if you ask them if they would like to be someone else… have another person’s problems, they say no. As much as they may hate it, they want their own life. This is different than having regrets over choices they made. I think a lot of people have regrets…

3. kashmiri says on 3/13/07 at 12:20 pm:
   

   Holy Elsa, that was a fast response!
   I totally get what you’re saying. I used to say “I have no regrets” but it gets harder to say that the older you get, especially once you’ve made amends with people.
   And hell no, I don’t want anyone else’s problems. I do want my own life.
   I think about ‘lost loves’ too. The man my Mom pined for for YEARS before she met my Dad was revealed to be a child abuser. She’s pretty happy she didn’t sng him, afterall.

4. Twilight says on 3/13/07 at 12:27 pm:
   

   Hi Elsa

   Your answer was very wise. I agree.

   I think the idea that one person is “made for another” is a fanciful and romantic proposition which needs to be approached with suspicion. It might be nice if it were true though - and we could all find our elusive “only one”!

   It’s often possible to say that a couple were “made for each other”, but usually only after they’ve spent many years working on it. It’s something that can be seen only with hindsight, I think.

5. Marly says on 3/13/07 at 1:17 pm:
   

   “In other words, you may think someone has wrecked your life but I think most people realize eventually, the things that have happened to them have served them in some way and research bears this out.”

   Sorry, I don’t believe this at all. It’s easy for us in the developed world to think this way. But what about someone who has been sold into white slavery and lives the rest of her life as a prostituted slave? The people who sold her into that life have most certainly wrecked her life and I doubt very much that when she is 70 she will feel as if everything happened “for a reason”. Or the 8 year old boy in Africa who is forced into being a soldier and committing unspeakable acts? Those kinds of things still happen in the world in this day and age. Some horrible things happen to people and they don’t always serve them in any way, nor are people always able to transform these experiences into something better. Terrible acts of heartbreak and betrayal happen every day and they’re not always correctible, if there is such a word.

6. satori says on 3/13/07 at 1:36 pm:
   

   Marly presupposes that the natural position for growth is comfort. I’ve had tragic things in my life that I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve also had bliss that didn’t lead anywhere.

7. Daeshii says on 3/13/07 at 3:09 pm:
   

   I think it’s all about choices, forks in our little roads. Some people are placed in our life for a reason, whether it’s personal growth or comfort or whatever. These people are stepping stones in our personal evolution. Doesn’t make Boy A anymore valid for Girl A than Boy B, just gives them a different option and reasons to appear (and possibly disappear) in her life.

   I think destiny is malleable as much an oxymoron that is. But it’s all about choices.

8. silverfoot says on 3/13/07 at 8:44 pm:
   

   i think some types of people might be more compatible with each other (”made for each other”) than others, but i don’t think there is one and only one person who is “The One.” and people are never (or very rarely) going to be “perfectly” compatible with each other, though some relationships are probably easier to maintain than others, based on the people invovled.

   so i guess it comes down to whether the amount of work you have to put in is worth it to you.

9. Chris Brennan says on 3/13/07 at 10:36 pm:
   

   Are our lives predestined? Yes, I think that that is one of the fundamental principles of astrology in general. I tend to think that it is only our conditioning as modern people that live in a humanistic society that really leads us to reject this notion of predestination, even though it is one of the basic principles that we base our astrology on and the astrology itself seems to intimate that this is indeed the case. Of course this statement needs to be qualified, but still…

10. Nia says on 3/14/07 at 6:35 am:
    

    I tend to think that it is only our conditioning as modern people that live in a humanistic society that really leads us to reject this notion of predestination, even though it is one of the basic principles that we base our astrology on and the astrology itself seems to intimate that this is indeed the case.

    Depends which kind of astrology, though, doesn’t it? I am quite fond of the free-will-psychological-astrology school myself but then again that’s not particularly predictive and I’ve never experiemented with how accurate astrological prediction is.

    I just want to know that, are marriages really made in heaven?

    More like purgatory.

    Is it fixed from before who is going to marry whom astrologically or some times marriages can be made and broken by human choices?

    And is it possible that a girl A is “made” for a boy B, but somehow ends up in marrying another boy C?
    

    I know that in India all these ideas are quite powerful because marriage is very important, as is marrying the right person, as is having astrological compatibility between the charts.

    As a Western astrologer I have a fundamentally different view, which is all about free will and free choice.

    As for destiny - I’ll give you a personal example. I grew up with two clairvoyants (people who have visions of the future) and they proved remarkably adept at predicting events years in advance (For instance they told my mother -who thought it was nonsense- about my father - and all kinds of random series of circumstances conspired to bring her to that meeting point). They also told my mother she was pregnant (me!) when all the tests in the hospital said she wasn’t and so on. Sometimes remarkable things happen to us (and seem destined to do so) - but the crux is this - they are neither necessarily comfortable nor pleasant.

    My mother and I have a very strained relationship and have to work very hard on it. My mother and father felt themselves to be soulmates and loved each other deeply and passionately and intensely but their marriage was not a happy one. They hurt each other, and let each other down, although they also fundamentally remained friends and had a hard time letting each other go. On the other hand the man my mother got together with after my father died was someone she had known since her early 20s and with whom she had always considered herself incompatible with - but after the stormy relationship with my father she realised he was exactly what he wanted and they are very happy together eve now, eleven years on.

    My point is - I think the biggest mistake people make is to assume that just because you recognise someone as a soulmate, or think it’s destiny, that that’s a good thing. Love is only the beginning. It still has to be filtered through the flawed and cracked lens of our own beliefs and expectations and damages and behaviour.

    It is not enough to have destiny, and even if something is ‘destiny’ it doesn’t mean that is forever. Sometimes your destiny if you want to call it that is about meeting someone who helps you make a turning point (as Elsa’s saga of the special forces soldier is a testament to) and letting each other go.

    Also I don’t think there’s a perfect compatibility chart. Two people might look perfect astrologically, but if they meet they’ll have no spark because you need a bit of squares/oppositions a bit of tension and energy to keep things going. With any relationship, any marriage, any cohabitations there are challenges. Also, people live out their natal charts in different ways so there’s no guarantee that Boy B would be in any way a better match than Boy C and so on.

11. Marly says on 3/14/07 at 7:23 am:
    

    “Marly presupposes that the natural position for growth is comfort.”

    This is not what I was saying at all, satori. Please don’t make assumptions about what I think. It’s offensive.

12. jamie says on 3/14/07 at 7:50 am:
    

    I agree with Satori and Chris Brennan wholeheartedly! Astrology is based on the theory of the soul living out it’s need for evolution and enlightenment in a very materialistic plane….it has nothing to do do with the vehicle although the media (and society) would have one believe differently.

    I believe that there are no “accidents” or “coincidences” when it comes to living. Everyone whom we meet and sometimes mate with is just the person we need at that moment in time for our, and perhaps their, spiritual growth.

    I’ve been married more than once and each relationship has taught me meaningful, life altering changes in perception and attitude.

    What I have gained through these turbulent relationships far outweighs what others, or myself, may percieve as my “loss”.

    I believe we CHOOSE our life long before we live it…..even the ones with no happy endings.

    While it is indeed very tragic the lives Marly so eloquently speaks of it is nonetheless quite strikingly beautiful the sacrifice these souls make to assist in the evolution of humanity.

13. kashmiri says on 3/14/07 at 9:07 am:
    

    Ah, Nia! I have thought of this, too, how one can recognize another as a soulmate and it is not necessarily a good thing (if one is speaking of something general like a romantic relationsip).

    I have a dear, dear friend who I have an incredible attraction to. I am just in love with her, and believe me, so is everyone we meet (Cancer Sun, Pisces Moon, Leo Rising–a beautiful combo)!
    Recently I had a dream in which she was my teacher. It was so nice to tell her about it, too. She teaches me a lot, that’s for dang sure. Love really is just the beginning.

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