“And then you want to get married. Well golly gee. I would love to marry you, but how’s that supposed to work, when I can’t talk to you?” I asked.

“I don’t know, P. I just wish you could have found a way. I wish I’d have listened to you more or something.”

“Well don’t worry. Water under the bridge. And I still had a fine time with you, as you know. We had all kinds of fun. We had a blast, but just don’t think we can get married because we can’t. There was no way.”

“See, that’s what I don’t understand. Why couldn’t we have gotten married? We were in love! All this stuff… we could have worked it out, P. Whatever it was, we could have been dealt with it. I was in love with you and you loved me too. I know you did. And I’d have done anything for you. I’d have done anything so I could be with you and have you for a wife. For my wife.”

“I know. And I know you don’t understand why it didn’t happen that way, so I’m going to try to explain it if I can. And I don’t know if I can.”

“Why not? Why can’t you explain this to me?”

“Because you don’t listen very well. It’s almost impossible for you to see anyone’s way but your own. But the facts are still there. There were a million… there were many, many reasons we couldn’t get married. How about I introduce you to just one of the reasons? And if you can understand it, maybe you can begin to start to see what was really going on back then.”

“Well that would be good. I’d like to know. So shoot. Tell me one of the reasons we couldn’t have gotten married.”

“Okay. Well, you’re Catholic, right?”

“I am.”

“And you insisted I was Catholic, as well?”

“Well, I thought…”

“But you were wrong. I know what you thought. I don’t care if I’m Italian. I’m not Catholic. I don’t know the first thing about being Catholic. I didn’t then and I don’t now. So I’m asking you this: Being Catholic. Is this something you can fake? ”

“I don’t think so, P.” He laughed. “I don’t think you can fake being Catholic. People study all their lives to …”

“Right. And you’re especially not going to be able to fake it if you’ve never been in a cathedral in your life. Is that what they’re called? Cathedral?”

“Yes.”

“Well in whatever case, back in the day, I was supposed to be Catholic. This is what you said I was and you said it all the time.”

“Well, I just thought that since…”

“I know! I know what you thought but that’s not what we’re talking about. We have known for 30 years what you thought and you are supposed to be getting new information now, okay? You are just going to have to listen and try to see this and understand it from my perspective.”

“Okay.”

We were on the phone but I could imagine him sitting on his hands.

“Okay. So we’re kids and you think I’m Catholic. You’ve decided this for God knows what reason. Because I look Italian and what not, I guess. So therefore, blah, blah, blah. And it’s not real. It’s not true but you tell me I’m Catholic all the time.”

“Uh huh. I thought you were, P! It never occurred to me you would be anything but Catholic. I thought this was something we had in common.”

“But we didn’t! And I told you all the time I wasn’t Catholic. I told you I had no idea what you were talking about with this being Catholic but you just ignored me completely. You laughed when I said this and went right back into your diatribe about how Italian and Catholic I am.”

“Is that what happened?”

“Yes. So you think I’m Catholic, and now you want to get married. And what happens if I agree to this?”

“I don’t know. I thought we’d get married. I thought we’d be together the rest our lives and I thought we’d be happy.”

“Yeah, but wait a minute. Didn’t you hear me? I’m not Catholic. And you will not talk to me about this. You will not acknowledge this at all, so what do you think is going to happen on this Catholic wedding day you think we’re going to have? We’re going to have a Catholic wedding, right?”

“Well yeah. I’m a Catholic and I thought you were as well. Of course we’re going to have a Catholic wedding.”

‘Okay, well that’s going to be a challenge if you’re me. Don’t you think? I’m going to walk into this cathedral on my wedding day. I am supposed to be getting married and what happens?”

“I don’t know. What happens?”

“Well don’t ask me? How the hell would I know! You’re the Catholic! Don’t you people wave smoke or something? There is some ritual isn’t there?”

He laughed. “Well, yeah.”

“Okay, well I don’t know what that ritual is. And I don’t know what that’s smoke is about. I am from the desert! I am from the DES-SERT. So now we’re in there and you know exactly what you’re doing, right?”

“Well, yeah. I’m getting married! I’d have been happy as hell because I’d have been marrying you!”

“Fine! You’re getting married but what am I doing? I’m looking around thinking what the hell is this? People are chanting. Do they chant? I have no idea what people do in church. I don’t know one iota, but I imagine they do all kinds of things when people get married, don’t they Don’t they do some Catholic things?”

“They do.”

“Okay. So there I would be… I’m 17. You think I’m 20 but never mind that! I’m a Catholic 20-year-old according to you and who cares if it’s not true. This whole thing is an illusion anyway. Isn’t it? And I am the star of it, no less. I am the BRIDE! I the bride and I am supposed to be happy too but what I am is completely bewildered, ready to cry and scared out of my mind.”

“Why would you be scared?”

“Because I am faking being Catholic among other things. I am starring in this Catholic wedding, people are looking at me thinking I know what I’m doing and I don’t! How am I supposed to…”

“I get it. I’m sorry, P.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just let me tell you this, okay. Let me finish. So that’s the scene if you’re me, so what do you think? Can you imagine this? Do you think I would be happy or would I be completely overwhelmed? Does this even seem like it could happen? Could this even occur in real life?

“No. No it could not. That could not have happened and I wouldn’t have wanted it to be that way either. I would have wanted you to be happy… to feel happy like I would feel.”

“Well I would have like that too. And who knows. Maybe if you told me what Catholic is, I might have wanted to be one. Who knows? But as it was? Well, if you won’t listen to me then we can’t get married. It’s just not possible. And this was hardly the only thing I was dealing with, being with you. There were a million things, but maybe you can begin to see with just this one piece made the whole thing impossible. It could not happen because we’d be in a church and you’d be getting married, and me? Well, I’d just be going crazy, I guess.”

He laughed.

“So you knew everything. And you were so sure about what you knew, when I tried to tell you that I wasn’t Catholic or that I was afraid, you answered this with an hour long diatribe about how I was Catholic, how we are Catholic, and how we’re going to get married and blah blah blah.”

“Sorry, P.”

“Fine. Good. But you didn’t just do this when we were kids. You did it again in 2003. Here we are, we’re completely grown up and what did I do? I told you then I wasn’t a Catholic and what did you say?”

“I did it again. I told you that you were Catholic,” he said, sounding resigned. “That’s exactly what I said.”

I laughed. “Well there you go. And you didn’t say I was Catholic in 2003. You lectured me. You preached at me for forty minutes about how I was mixed up and misguided and I was in fact, Catholic. According to you, I’m as Catholic as you are, I just don’t don’t happen to know it, and blah, blah, blah. You’re going to explain it to me. And I’m on the other end of the phone thinking who the hell is this guy talking about? He hasn’t changed a bit. I can’t marry this guy…”

“Sorry, P. Why didn’t you hit me? You should have beaten my ass. You should have and I sincerely wish you would have.”

Do you listen?

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