Lois Rodden wrote a book, "The Mercury Method Of Chart Comparison". And with most people interested in love and sex (Venus and Mars), Mercury, it’s aspects in the natal chart as well as how it plays in synastry is downplayed, if not completely dismissed. But Rodden understood that relationships could and would rise and fall on the aspect to Mercury alone and this situation vividly illustrates and validates her belief.

“So I have to get this stuff to you but there’s a lot of it and it’s stuck very deep inside me. I can’t tell you how deep and how stuck. Because I have been choking on it for how long? Almost thirty years! You know how hard it is for me to tell you things. I have never been able to tell you the things. What do you think did us in?”

“This. This did us in.”

“Yes. It did us in more than once. It did us in many times. It did us in every time. How many times did I break up with you?” I asked.

“I don’t know. A hundred?” He laughed. “Fifty times? Hundred and fifty times?”

I shook my head. “Right. I suppose I did break up with you every time I saw you for the most part. And it was never once because I didn’t love you, you know. Because I did love you and I’m pretty sure you knew this right?”

“Yeah, I knew that. I knew you loved me so I never could figure out why you kept getting rid of me. But you always did. You dumped me repeatedly and for no reason. At least not for any reason I could ever figure out.”

“Well I had no choice. Because I couldn’t talk. I could never tell you anything, ever. I’ve explained this to you many times. The only way I could talk to you is to wait for you to fall asleep and then I could talk to your back while you slept.”

“But I can’t hear you if I’m sleeping, P.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too. So I always meant to tell you the same things I told your back in the night…. I was going to repeat it all when you woke up. I had the intention and I tried to do exactly that but I could never manage.”

“Why not?”

“Because of you! You would not listen to me. I swear. You knew everything. You knew everything about you, everything about me, everything about the world and just try… just try to tell you there might be something you didn’t know. Or God forbid even worse! What if I have to tell you that something you think you know is completely wrong? How do you think that’s going to go over? I am going to get what? Three words out? If I’m lucky! Three words before you interrupt me with a fresh lecture, a tirade about all the things you know, particularly things about me even though they are completely and totally… they were baseless.”

“I’m sorry, P. I did do that.”

“Yeah. So you have a whole book written, and the whole thing is wrong, so tell me this. How am I supposed to get you to see that everything…. your whole book you carry around and preach from is completely erroneous? How should I do that?”

“I don’t know, P. I guess you should have hit me or something. Hit me in the head with the book until I listen to you for a change.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t do that. I just kept waiting for my turn to talk or for you to figure it out or for something to emerge, somehow. And at the same time I was scared to death that exactly that would happen.”

“Why? Why scared?”

“Why? Because you were madly in love with me. Or some facsimile of me and if you find out who I really am, then what?”

“No, I was in love with you.”

“Whatever! How would I know? You were forever going on and on about who I was and what I was like and it was all just… it was ridiculous. I was none of the things you thought I was. None of them!” I laughed. “And there was no telling you. You were just insane with these things you believed and you believed them so strongly… oh hell. There was just no way to fight it. It’s not like I didn’t try. I did, but it was impossible. You would just pound me down with your intellect… with you’re supposedly superior intellect so I just thought, fuck it. This is impossible. Just screw the guy and forget about talking. You like to screw him. He’s great to screw, so just screw him and let him have his… whatever it was. Let him have his opinions.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t have to be. You had no idea. You have explained to me how you arrived at your conclusions and to my great surprise, they actually make sense. But here’s the thing. I have to talk. And if I can’t talk… well that’s fine,in the short term. But eventually I’d get to a point where I couldn’t talk and I couldn’t not talk, either. Get it? I can’t talk. I can’t not talk. My mind is breaking, I feel like screaming, and at that point what?”

“I gotta go. You’ve got to get rid of me.”

“Right. I either have to kill you, cut the rope or go insane.”

“You cut the rope.”

“Yes, I cut the rope. I’ve cut it 800 times now and counting. I have not killed you yet, but that may be next if you don’t find a way to let information from me get into you.”

Have you ever been frustrated in this way? What happened?

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