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Single Mother: Her Son Doesn’t Like Her Boyfriend: Taurus Sun, Saturn in Capricorn
Dear Elsa,
I am a divorced woman with a ten year old son. I have been seeing my boyfriend for three years and my son hates him.
My boyfriend is usually quite easygoing with my son. Although he has never lost his temper with my son, he does however get sick of him always making insulting comments or trying to belittle him in front of people. My son gets mad if he hears me kissing my boyfriend goodbye, or sees us holding hands. He can’t even stand it if my boyfriend chooses a television program. I am getting sick of the bickering and I’m wondering if it is worth it anymore.
Help!
Single Mother
United Kingdom
Dear Single,
Your son is not respecting you and I think that fixing this should be your first order of business. Because if he doesn’t respect you, he is not going to respect women in general and he’s going to grow up to be everybody’s problem.
So how about I tell you a few things and then you can tell him? Things about life, this is.
Ten year olds do not run the show. Mothers are people. They are human beings and they want company… they need company besides their kids.
And I don’t care how this makes the kid feel. The kid does not own the parent any more than the parent owns the kid. The parent is responsible for the kid. But this does not mean the parent does not get to kiss someone when she wants to kiss someone, provided the kid has been fed, clothed and reasonably entertained.
Now I really think you can resolve this. You don’t have a wimpy chart! I imagine you’re just tired. The fact is single parenting is incredibly draining and no one who knows anything about it can blame you for wanting to take the path of least resistance. But this is one of those situations you simply must correct. So that’s what I’d do.
Decide there is going to be a new deal in your house, introduce it to your kid and then enforce it. And the new deal is this:
Mom is a human being with rights who does not take orders from ten year olds. You can take away privileges if your son groans when you kiss your boyfriend goodbye, you know. Ask your son if he wants to hear you groan when he grows up and wants to kiss someone. Mutual respect, see? That’s what you want to shoot for.
Good luck.
~~
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three years of this? Where is the boy’s father? Children are not irrational, they have reasons for the way they feel. Something is missing here. If his mother is all he has, then of course he fears losing her.
That’s some wicked advice, Elsa! Thank you!
hey there, as a single parent myself with a 10 yr old and a bf od 4 years. I know how difficult it is to balance both. As much as I agree with the child does not own the parent I also think the parent needs to fully communicate with the child and establish mommy and me time that the bf is not involved. If the dad is not in the picture then yes the child may feel that he/she is losing mom. Mom must make it clear that she will always be there for the child. She has to tell the child that mommy needs grown up time. Open communication is the key and it must be done in a way the child understands. If the child had serious issues to not like the boyfriend then Mom must address that. A BF or GF should not show disrespectful traits in front of a child and Mom/Dad must check that immediately.
to CK, I know what you mean, but its hard stuff and triggers all parties. A lot of parents who stay together… maybe they dont get really really horny for each other so the kid doesnt get as triggered. I had a bad bf once who was jealous of my kid… …i think the best we can all do is be aware and grow.