“Well I respected you relationship with the AMF,” he said.

“I know. Why did you do that?”

“Why did I do that? Let me think. Well for one thing, you were in love with him.”

“Yes.”

“And you were happy.”

“Yes. I was very happy with him. I was completely satisfied.”

“Yeah, you were. And I respected that. What do you think I want for you, anyway?”

“I know you want me to be happy.”

“Right. And you were happy. So I wouldn’t have wanted to do anything that would harm that. And I respected him too, actually.”

“You did. I know you did, but why? Why did you respect him?”

“Well he was talented for one thing. I thought he had talent as an artist…”

“Yeah.”

“And that matters. That means something to me. If a man has talent, this is something I can respect. So I would say first, I respected his talent.”

“Uh huh.”

“And I also knew he loved you. I could tell that he really did love you and this mattered to me as well. Because if I didn’t think he loved you… well, I don’t know. He did love you so this was never an issue.”

“Uh huh.”

“And I guess that’s it. I didn’t really mind you being with him all that much. Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I liked it. I just didn’t mind it. Not that much. I could tolerate it because I thought he was good for you. He was doing you some good. Know what I mean? He was helping you and you needed that so in a way I was glad he was there.”

“Yeah.”

“So you loved him, he loved you, he was talented, and you were happy. That’s how it was. Right, P?”

“Right.”

“So I was not going to come in there and do anything that could have had a negative impact on either one of you. I wouldn’t have wanted to do it to you, but I wouldn’t have wanted to do it to him either. You two were happy. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yeah, I do. Thanks. Thanks for that.”

“No problem. P. I wasn’t going to mess you up. And to tell you the truth, I really have no choice in this.”

“You don’t?”

“Uh uh. I can’t hurt you, P. I cannot hurt you even the least little bit. And I am very serious when I say this. When it comes to you getting hurt, I take no chances and I mean, I take no chances at all.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah. I will not risk hurting you in anyway, because I just don’t see how I could live with myself if I did. If any harm came to you? And I did it? Well, I just couldn’t live with myself. I don’t think I could stand it and I can stand a lot. As a matter of fact, I think I could live with anything but that. Anything you can think of, I could probably stand it as long as no harm came to you. And I mean NO harm.

“I know. You’ve told me this before, a few times. I know you feel this way and I think I may even understand it. Maybe. Perhaps I understand.”

“Well I have told you this before. And I meant it then, and I mean it now. And I will always mean it until the day I die. So yeah. That’s was what was going on and I was not going to interfere. I never did and I never would have. But don’t think for one minute, I ever went anywhere because I did not.”

skip to part 2 - Finding Solace…