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Her Best Friend Loves a Jerk: Sun and Moon in Scorpio - Astrology-Based Advice
Dear Elsa,
My best friend and I were so close, it was always hard to tell where one of us started and the other ended. We’ve been best friends for 15 years and adopted each other as sisters. We have even become a part of each other’s facilities (my husband, her kids, etc.) We parted ways for a while about 10 years ago because I knew a horrible secret about her husband at the time (now her ex). I knew if I told her, he would deny it, she would say I was jealous and trying to wreck her marriage, etc. They eventually separated. I told her what I knew (I had proof), they divorced and we were inseparable once again.
I fixed her up with this guy 4 years ago. She swore to me that if I ever knew anything derogatory about him, to please let her know. He treated her like shit in front of other people, and did many nasty things to her in private to which she felt the need to share with me as her best friend. Of course, I became judgmental and took an instant disliking to him.
We have been fighting on and off over these past few years over him, yet this past year she has called me once every 6 weeks telling me she hates the way he treats her and she wants me to help her find an apartment. Days later, they are back in love. This past Christmas season, she called hysterical at 1:00 AM (the 5th time this year) saying she needed to get out. I finally opened my mouth and told her enough is enough, just leave. She moved out, but then on the day of the move he said he would change, sell his house and move to where she moved. She needed and depended on me so much these past few weeks with all the drama of leaving him (again telling me deep, dark secrets) and now that he’s living with her 6 days out of the week, I am no longer welcomed into my best friend’s home because he is there.
I had an argument with her about this the other day and she said that should not be my concern. So what I may not be able to come over? I should not care about that. I just should be concerned that he has agreed to change and she is SO HAPPY now (so she says). I am miserable. She won’t listen. What do I do? Can you please help?
Desperately seeking my best friend,
Double Scorpio
United States
Dear Scorpio,
Yes, I think I can help. The best thing you can do is pull your energy off her. For both of your sakes! Because although I know you’re trying very hard to be a good, loyal friend, sometimes people just need to hit the wall in their own time. And you can be there when she does, if you like. But by being there now, you are only postponing her inevitable crash. In other words, you are like the co-dependent who sustains the alcoholic.
See with your Sun and Moon part of a stellium in Scorpio, your energy is very strong. And you’ve got it focused on your friend at the moment. But if you manage to take your energy off her, she will drop and it will be dramatic. And there she’ll be with this crappy boyfriend to support her… and you get the idea. She wants him for a best friend? Let her find out what that’s like, knowing you’ll be facilitating if not forcing a crisis that most would agree this would be in her best interest.
And on your side of the equation, you’d do well to learn to relax when it comes to forcing your will on other people. Again, because your energy is so incredibly strong. It is stronger than you probably realize and a little can go a very long way. So there you go.
I think if you withdraw, you’ll win and further, you’ll learn something potent in the process.
Good luck.
~~
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2 Responses to “Her Best Friend Loves a Jerk: Sun and Moon in Scorpio - Astrology-Based Advice”
I’m another Scorpio and I applaud your desire to help your friend. I have to agree with Elsa, though — you need to step away and let your friend experience what she obviously needs to experience. I’ve learned the hard way that you can’t save others. Sometimes they need to learn things on their own, even if its a rough road. You’ve given her your opinion, you’ve offered to help. If and when she’s ready, she knows you’re there. You’ve found the limits of what you can do for another. Now you have to let her walk her path. Good luck.
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You sound like a woman who cares very deeply for the people close to you–that most wonderful Scorponic of traits, IMO. I have to ask, though:
Why did you “know” that if you revealed what you knew about her now-ex husband would she accuse you of being “jealous and trying to wreck her marriage?”
Perhaps she misread your energy, or just wanted to deny the facts of her marriage.
Perhaps she is right; perhaps not–only you know the answer to that.
But as a person with a significant amount of Scorpio experiences, I have learned that Scorpio’s energy can feel very stifling for someone like me, for example, with a hell of a lot of fire in my chart.
The thing is, with your Scorpio vibe, you’ll pull back a bit and she’ll come at you full-force, likely desperate for your love/kindness/caring/attention. Especially your attention! Nothing quite feels like it when a Scorpio has their designs on you, for good or bad.
I’ve been ‘banned from the house’ before. It’s something terrible, but you have no choice to accept it. Please do, without delay, and don’t spend years in hurt like I did. It actually has nothing to do with you or your value as a friend. In fact, it shows what a powerful force you are in their relationship.
And as a double Scorpio, you’re ALWAYS going to know someone’s dark secrets! We’ve all got them, and a lot of people give them up to Scorpios inadvertantly.
Good luck, and try not to worry too much.