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Her Best Friend Found Out Her Lover is Married, Now Their Long Term Friendship Is On The Rocks
Dear Elsa,
I’ve been friends with a young lady for approximate eleven or twelve years; she’s a Taurus. Our friendship has grown closer over the years. Recently, she found out that her boyfriend of less than one year is married with a newborn baby. She was devastated and hurt, and as her friend I was there every step of the betrayal. I gave my opinions and helped her try to make sense of the situation.
From the very beginning, my friend stated she could never be the mistress… but after a couple of nights of them talking, she decided to take him back. She never came out and told me that she’d taken him back, but she did tell me that he asked his wife for a divorce. I gave her my opinions of the situation and told her that I could not agree with the situation because of my morals and values of marriage, which I thought we shared. I told her to look at the bigger picture and to think with her head not her emotions.
Well, she is not speaking to me anymore because she feels that I cannot accept her taking him back. She knows I will never judge her because she has to ultimately live with decisions as well as the actions that comes along with that kind of situation. I even apologized to her twice via text message and she has not responded.
Should I give up, or try to save my friendship with a woman I thought was my best friend?
Missing My Friend
United States
Dear Friend,
I think you should try to save the friendship and the best way to do that is to do absolutely nothing. You have a 12 year history here. You are a moral person and a supportive friend and I don’t think there is anyway in the world she is going abandon you in favor him over time. Here is the likely reality of this situation…
Your friend is embarrassed. She’s ashamed. She’s knows she’s been taken by this man, but she’s attached. She wants it to come out okay. She wants to salvage this somehow and blah, blah, blah. Basically she is tumbling. And you are there… or you were there, to help her try to ground. But she can’t do it yet. She just can’t or I am sure she would.
So she’s going to go a little further down this road. But I doubt she goes too far. She likes quality people! We know this, because she’s had you in her life for 12 years! So is she going to forget all that? I don’t think so. I think she is in pain and in chaos. And right now, you can do nothing but make it worse.
Because she already knows what you think. She knows what she thinks too. She just can’t act right now. And having you as a moral compass breathing down her neck (this is probably how it would feel to her) is not helpful. Either is apologizing. Apologizing for what? You did nothing wrong!
I say, just get one more message to her: “I’m here and I love you no matter what.” And that’s it. After that, just wait.
And be prepared to wait awhile because she’s a Taurus and none of them move very quickly. But it’s also because she’s a Taurus that I’m confident she’ll be back. Because Taurus knows quality and this is what they want in their life. And you are quality, while her man is not - so end of story.
Good luck.
~~
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As a resident Taurus I’ll say yes. I totally agree with Elsa, the fact that you’re asking about this and are so concerned indicates what a wonderful caring friend you are (a virgo per-chance??
I can just feel your friendship ooozing out of your letter. I would love to have a friend like you. But yes, your taurus friend needs to wallow in her pain for a bit. She’ll pull out of it and be OH SO THANKFUL to have you there when she gets done with the pain and trouble of a horrible man. But being taken by a man takes tauruses some time to process. Consider it processing time for her. Focus on other things and yes, she’ll appreciate that you waited.