Jupiter In Sagittarius: Speaking of Leaving Bad Relationships - What’s a Man Got To Say?
Outtakes and Various Other Sundries…
On the lousy relationship bead, and in the interest of Jupiter in Sagittarius (different perspectives) here is a man’s voice…
I was on the crosstrainer next to a man I’ve been casually chatting with for several years. I’d decided to ask him about his personal life since I’ve been discussing mine, lately. This is new territory for us and we have no chemistry by the way. Our affinity is purely intellectual.
“So what about you?” I asked. “What is your personal situation?”
See how I am? I’ll just ask you. But fact is, he’s been listening to me recently and it’s only right I offer him the opportunity to talk if he wants to. And he would have had no problem telling me it was none of my business. He’s just got that kind of style.
“Me? I’m separated,” he said.
“Oh.” I was surprised. He struck me as a man who was long time single… like decades. He’s very independent and though he is friendly and cordial to everyone, he just seems very detached to me. Very Aquarian. “Separated huh? So are dating? Do you date?”
“I’ve been separated for awhile,” he said. “But no. No dating. I’ve not dated yet.”
“Oh. Are you hoping for a reconciliation?”
“No!” He laughed. “Oh, Elsa. It’s been so hard. It has be so hard. I was married for 25 years!”
I just stared.
“Yes! 25 years. And I still go over there… I help her out. She calls me when something goes wrong. But it always seems to be… one person is happy and outgoing and the other person is like this,” he turned to me, scowling and I laughed. “Yeah. And I am a patient man,” he said. “I am a very patient man. For 25 years, I’ve been patient.”
“Well you have always seemed that way to me. You are as calm as anyone I’ve ever met, anywhere. You’re as cool as they come.”
“Thank you, Elsa. I am that. But she is… she’s just unpleasant, all the time. She is always, always, always complaining. Dat, dat, dat, dat,” he said. ‘Dat, dat, dat, dat. And I have put up with it. But you know? Life’s too short. Life is too short to spend it with someone who is always disagreeable every day. Every single day she is unhappy and every single day I put up with it. I never have a break! Never.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugged and smiled. He’s a smiling type.
“It’s okay, Elsa. I’m doing well. I am a happy person and she…” he let the sentence drop.
How old are you?” I asked.
“53.”
Do you agree with him? Do you see a lot of couples where one of them is happy, the other difficult?
6 Responses to “Jupiter In Sagittarius: Speaking of Leaving Bad Relationships - What’s a Man Got To Say?”
Yes! Yes, I do. But I also know that some people are very good at deceiving the public. One person may look happy but goes home and baits (or beats!) their mate (who is miserable by all accounts) every night.
Not that I suggest this is the case with your friend…I’m just saying. And I am not cynical. It has been suggested to me that out of the couple I am in, I am the happy one and my partner is difficult.
I know this not to be true. My honey is a very sweet and loving and happy person. But he is a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon (and Gemini ASC for fuck sake) so he comes across as very intense…hence some people think I am happy and he is not.
But..he is difficult. And I am good at being pleasant in public so no one knows when I am unhappy.
Ughh. I think I’m the unhappy one, but it’s hard! The reasons are too much to explain here, but suffice it to say there are people who are plain gloomy guses all the time for no apparent reason and then there’s someone like me. I don’t try to be like that, I try hard not to be, but that’s the problem, you don’t see it happening till it’s too late. It’s hard to admit that. I don’t want to be that person.
I was unhappy in my last relationship for this one thing he was about that I couldn’t reconcile. My moon conjunct saturn–integrity/stubborness.
So I was in denial and he was contentedly happy with it all until it manifested in me as ‘pms’. I don’t have pms, but I was so distraught I made myself sick! He is a wonderful man, just not for me…what the hell?!
Anywho, I made us both unhappy. I didn’t listen to myself and poor guy, it just made him unhappy. I cared about him too much to make him unhappy…we just weren’t for each other It ended amicably at least :). I wish him well with all my heart. Truly.
Yeah, I do. And he’s done the right thing. It’s what I tell the people I know who are in a similar (and worse) situation.
Well, I don’t know if I see it in as simple terms as he does. I think that there’s a dynamic and oftentimes the partners are not in tune with each other so that sometimes the “happy” one is not aware that he MIGHT be completely ignoring his “unhappy” partner’s needs. Sometimes the “unhappy” partner has a legitimate reason for being unhappy and the “happy” partner just wants her to “snap out of it.” Sometimes one of the partners really is unhappy for no reason and drags down the relationship. So I think it’s a little more complicated SOMETIMES than just saying: “S/he’s not happy and I am and s/he’d dragging me down.” And sometimes that IS exactly what is going on.
People often like to point the finger at ONE specific trait as an explanation for the relationship but you know the expression “it takes two to tango?” Well, I dance tango and I can tell you something I’ve learned about that expression. You have to be in tune with your partner. I can tune into some people naturally, no problem and then I follow their lead on the dancefloor as if we had ESP. And a lot of times these are guys I’ve never met before! It’s uncanny. Like magic, even! Some guys take a little work and I need a minimum of three dances in order to tune into their lead. And then there are other guys who are terrific dancers but whose lead I can’t pick up at all and I end up tripping us both. The more gracious guys just let it go, give you a second dance (the etiquette is that you give a person three dances before you let them go and you NEVER stop dancing in the middle of a song), and then if you both still can’t connect, you both learn that you can’t dance together, thank each other and go on to another dance partner. The jackasses, though, will blame you or try to instruct you in a very condescending tone (that’s another etiquette rule in dance: No teaching on the dance floor!). And I think it’s the same thing in life and in relationships: You can pick up some people’s signals, loud and clear while others’ are undecipherable to you. There is a lack of a connection, for whatever reason, and the gracious thing is to bow out. Bc sometimes you can’t get the transmission in spite of being persistent!! And it doesn’t necessarily mean that there’s anything wrong with either of you; just with the connection that you both make together. The dynamic is off, accept it and go find a different dance partner. (And then there are the people who are rhythmically-challenged, relationship-wise.)
I have seen some couples who bickered all the time but it was happy bickering, where you could tell that they were enjoying the interaction and there was no actual disrespect. And I have seen couples who seemed calm and mellow but where the energy between them was inert, if you know what I mean. And I have even caught people in genuinely tender moments who had some pretty terrible relationships.
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I can’t say that I do. I know a few couples where both of them are unhappy. And a number of them where both of them are happy. One stands out in particular - they’re stand-up comedians together. Not professionally.. but they should be.. they play off of eachother. (I do, I’ll admit, get a bit jealous when I’m around them)