Astrology and Pheromones, Sex Appeal and Attractiveness: Venus and Mars In The Natal Chart

32 Responses to “Astrology and Pheromones, Sex Appeal and Attractiveness: Venus and Mars In The Natal Chart”

1. Bluemarine says on 1/14/07 at 10:00 am:
   

   The only thing I have between my venus and mars is 12 degrees in capricorn,that doesn‚

2. Strawberry Fields says on 1/14/07 at 10:44 am:
   

   omg i love that painting!

3. Korellyn says on 1/14/07 at 10:50 am:
   

   I think your theory might be bang on. I definitely have the drought/flood thing going on, and Mars & Venus are in pretty tight opposition in my natal chart. It’s very frustrating, and I’m still nowhere near learning how to deal with that opposition.

4. Lupa says on 1/14/07 at 11:04 am:
   

   Feast or famine. Always has been. And Mars is horribly aspected in my chart, but Venus is peachy.

5. kashmiri says on 1/14/07 at 11:38 am:
   

   Venus conjunct Mars in Aries. Both are trined Neptune, and both are opposite Pluto. I don’t have droughts My partner has Venus conjunct Mars in Scorpio. I didn’t plan on it to be this way, but I finally lucked out in finding a partner who’s sex drive is higher than mine.
   I like to think about sexual droughts, though. I think about it alot! Most of my pals have them, and when you’re sad after not getting laid in 5 days, some people think you’re a bit spolied.
   Because it is more common than not, I would go so far as saying. I think the reason why a lot of people have a lot of sex when a relationship begins is that they are comfortable surrendering to lust.
   What do you think causes this to change? I know plenty of people who loved their partner to be all over them in the early stages of a love affair, then felt pawed at and ‘meaty’ as time went on. They feel a bit shy about their bodies, too!
   I think this has something to do with wanting your body to ‘be your own.’ And I don’t mean from a historical stand point (as in your body’s own history).
   I mean, the deeper in a relationship some people go, they get in their heads and find it hard to get out long enough to render themselves helpless to lust.

   Great post, Elsa. I have an image now of a small dog turning in circles madly in front of you, begging to be pet!

6. Viviana says on 1/14/07 at 12:28 pm:
   

   Mars is doing nothing to my venus, so i can’t participate on this.
   I think it’s strange that some women would be without sex if they want it, because there is definatly more men searching for sex than women offering it.
   I think most women aren’t looking just for sex.
   And if they are and aren’t getting it… I don’t know, that seems unreal. I have girl friends that aren’t having sex, but they want love along with sex, hence my theory.

7. Viviana says on 1/14/07 at 12:33 pm:
   

   I guess people with venus-mars connections connect love and sex. it’s unseparable for them, so when they don’t have love, they don’t have sex.
   that makes sense.

8. lovlylife says on 1/14/07 at 1:08 pm:
   

   Mars doesnt apply to my venus.. that I know of. My venus is in Libra. I have never had problems with fullfilling that need. It seems to just be right there when I needed it ( as a single person). Im married, so its not an issue..lol. I find it right next to me.

9. kashmiri says on 1/14/07 at 1:17 pm:
   

   I definately don’t always connect love and sex. I may now, but that’s because I am in a 5 years+ relationship.

   I’ve had plenty of sex where there’s no love. Actually, more lust than love. I find relationships difficult, but I also have Saturn in my 7th house–the house of relationships! Like, if I only waited for love and sex when I was younger, I would have never got any action! And boy do I want it.

   As heterosexual woman with a high sex drive, I can assure you my problems in getting laid when I was younger and single came from trying to convince men I didn’t want a relationship and wasn’t looking for love. So I went without for a bundle of reasons. Many people just simply don’t believe women are capable of separating love and sex, let alone venus/ mars types.

   I think this says more about the social acceptibility of overtly sexual women than it does about women wanting sex less than men.

10. circle.dot.raindrops says on 1/14/07 at 1:23 pm:
    

    My Mars and Venus don’t connect with each other in any way. Venus conjunct Uranus, Sag. | Cappy Mars conjunct Moon, sextile Saturn & Mercury

    Hmmmmmmmmm… this is sort of hard. Because it’s not like I’m looking for, or searching for dates, even though I’m technically single. In the end, everyone’s a friend, *shrug* And I don’t think I actually “suffer” droughts. My whole life would be a drought then haha.

    And, if I think it in that way, I’m a camel! …Maybe.

    I usually don’t like this dating thing. At least not the “look over there at that hot stranger. I want his number, let’s hope he hits on me!” kind of thing. It seems shallow and a pretty damn nuisance. I mean, who the hell IS that? And WHY the hell do I want to be mistaken for a piece of meat?! Ugh. “She’s not quite an 8, but still a pretty solid 7.” Just wtf… I hate that! I don’t really feel comfortable talking to guys who make me feel like I’m being approached like that.

    In that sense, I don’t think I like dating “consciously”… as in *knowingly* looking for dates or boyfriends. But, for some reason, I can make friends with guys, who later on develop the innuendo of “they are interested in me” pretty easily. (???) The picture of whether or not *I* like *them*……… takes a much longer time to develop.

    If I *did* look for it in the Typical Dating Fashion, would I get it? Probably not because it would:
    A — Cramp my “whatever” style when it comes to being attractive, haha, and I’d just abandon “Project Dating”. Also I’d feel way too weird if they weren’t friends with me for a while! (I even feel weird then.) If I dated “consciously”, I would just completely close up; I’d feel like I’d have to perform like a girl/girlfriend they would want, just to keep them mostly interested. Ugh! What pressure! And I hate being evaluated/rejected like that.

    B) — I would get seriously hurt because I sometimes invest a lot of my feelings on random guys (usually who aren’t outwardly interested in me) because I want to help them, but somehow, I still don’t like the idea of dating. Even with the guys I like.

    Maybe that’s how the astrology of Venus and Mars not aspecting works? I don’t know.
    ______________________________________________

    + Anyway, people say that some individuals in stable relationships, like that guy, seem to give off a glow. And, they seem more relaxed, more themselves. And, because there’s no pressure, it seems easier for girls/guys to talk to them. Their energies grow because of them being in a relationship that they can be “themselves” or at least some specific version of themselves. (The “I am desired and desirable” version.) So, they are “themselves” more of the time.

    + And maybe some other people give off an “I’m done” feel. An “I’m complete. I don’t need you at all.” feel. So, they stay back. Everyone understands that they’re not going to get an equal relationship/friendship thing as this person’s partner, because their energies are already pretty much invested.

    Yay for looong comments!

11. kathy says on 1/14/07 at 2:38 pm:
    

    My Venus is sextile Mars , opposite Jupiter and conjunct Uranus. i guess that makes me fun and surprising - and strong. Most of the guys that have been attracted to me since my divorce have been unavailable due to youth (I just can’t date someone 20 years younger than me) or marriage. I always attributed that to the fact that I relax around men whom I’m not trying to attract and they like that, thus they like me. I can’t cunt how many men have said “if only I wasn’t married”. I’m a pretty strong minded woman who has a good job and I own my own home, so most single men just never thought I needed them and ran off after the first date. I finally met someone that’s strong enough in himself that he wants a strong woman and it’s wonderful. I’ve discovered at 58 that, yes, I am a sex kitten!! Go figure… but, to answer the question, I have had a long famine (13 years) but have never had a feast. I guess I’m too scarry.

12. Amber says on 1/14/07 at 3:16 pm:
    

    I NEED a sex life - though I can’t sleep with a man more than twice without a. being bored out of my brain or b. falling in love. For sex I needn’t look far - this has never been hard, but finding a man interesting enough, that’s a whole different ball game. I suppose I get attention from the opposite sex more when I am in a relationship, that’s what gives me a sex glow 24-7. Mars-venus conjunction -mars in libra venus in scorp

13. October27 says on 1/14/07 at 4:01 pm:
    

    Venus trine Mars, but opposite Jupiter; wish I knew what that explained.

14. violet says on 1/14/07 at 5:00 pm:
    

    “When it comes to sex, are you a person who finds water when thirsty? Or are you someone who suffers periods of drought followed by periods where you have access to more water than you could or should drink?”

    i’m afraid none of the above…for me it seems to be a perpetual jarring state ~ like a desert with an additional drought: no oasis, and no plants anywhere (if that makes any sense)to quench my sexual thirst.

    if you were talking about plantonic opportunities then i would have to say i have an attraction factor of 6-7, but sexually i am 0 factor. as for love? i believe this may very well abound in great supply in the universe, whether or not i am allowing myself to open up and tap into its source is another story altogether, so currently my attraction love factor is unknown.

    *venus in virgo square mars in gemini*

    p.s. Viviana women aren’t the only ones with specs when it comes to sex, men are quirky too when it comes to the casual “leg over”. just ask them…i have.

    circle.dot.raindrops & Kathy…interesting posts

    kashmiri do you think it possible for you to transfer your past sex life energy on to me so i can be queen strut for a long weekend (of course, please pass on only the really “hot hot” encounters ?)i would be truly grateful (;

    enjoyed reading everyone’s responses so far, i look forward to reading more.

15. Alison says on 1/14/07 at 5:09 pm:
    

    My Venus in Cap can be overly formal. Yet my Mars is conjunct Mercury so I’m attracted to intellectual stimulation from a partner. Witty banter is hugely attractive. And Venus, Mars (& Mercury) are all Ninth House so I can fall in love with a parter who’s intellect can take me places I’ve never been.
    I’ve consciously chosen my drought (3 years) and made an effort to stayout of love/lust/dating. And its been good for me. However recently my antennae is up and am looking to break the drought with a smart, well-read,well-educated well-travelled, experienced, mature man.
    High standards from Capricorn Mars and Venus…maybe…

16. Beque says on 1/14/07 at 5:27 pm:
    

    Venus in Libra, 8th house; Mars in Capricorn, 12th house. No aspects that I can figure out. I don’t have enough data to form a theory about this question; my whole life has been a drought.

17. Gem says on 1/14/07 at 7:14 pm:
    

    No droughts usually, when out of something for a short while and the world is sadder than I can remember, someone pops into my life. I hope that keeps happening…

    Anywho, I have venus sextiling mars (air/fire) and venus opp jupiter. I can be pretty expansive with love and sex….voracious. I wouldn’t just want a lover as I want love more..and in a relationship the sex is more steady (yay!) so all around more ideal.

    It’s been a trek and a half searching for real love to go with the sex. Sex won’t do..I want something more soulful; real intimacy with the fun. Maybe my desire has to do with mars in leo…and jupiter in sag..dunno.

18. june says on 1/14/07 at 10:39 pm:
    

    closest aspect in my chart: venus quincunx mars.

    someone who suffers periods of drought followed by periods where you have access to more water than you could or should drink. the most obvious instance of a sudden influx was when saturn was conjunct my venus years ago, but really long droughts followed by a few things going on at a time is norm. people seem to see that i’m with someone and suddenly need to talk to me when they otherwise wouldn’t. considering my “droughts”, it’s really irritating.

19. june says on 1/14/07 at 10:43 pm:
    

    oh yeah, musn’t forget… when saturn was conjunct my venus, neptune squared my venus. all kinds of drama drama drama. ew.

20. Jennifer says on 1/14/07 at 11:06 pm:
    

    My Mars and Venus don’t connect either.

    I have never, ever had a run of men in my life. NEVER. I go YEARS between finding any man attractive enough to want to boink. (So far it’s been three and counting this run.) Once in a great while, someone I find attractive wants to boink me back. I am the queen of revirginization in between men. My sex drive HAS to shut down, because I couldn’t sell it on the street corner in between future exes. It’s pretty sad. This is part of why I think I am meant to be alone. “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” just does not apply to me at all!

21. kashmiri says on 1/14/07 at 11:53 pm:
    

    Ha ha Violet!

    Seriously, though, I loved this article about sex and relationships I came across on the Guardian website. It really resonated with me, especially when this sex therapist talks about something on the lines of “no one feels really hot to trot when staring deep into their lover’s eyes.”

    Any person who has had irritation/frustration/unfulfilled lust or just in general a rich sexual fantasy life will find this article ver, very interesting:

    http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1887431,00.html

    If the link is screwed (pardon the pun) I will try again.

22. kashmiri says on 1/14/07 at 11:55 pm:
    

    BTW circle.dot.raindrops:
    I totally hear you that dating and mating can be a major pain in the ass. Hence my secret desires to just get laid without the hassle and carry on as before…

23. SaDiablo says on 1/14/07 at 11:58 pm:
    

    Amazingly, I’m neither feast nor famine. It’s there when I want it and gone when I don’t! Maybe it’s because I exude strong I’m-attached vibes (Mars and Venus conjunct in Libra), and am definitely “on the prowl” when not (Leo sun). Whatever the reason, it’s damned handy. . .

24. Laura Elizabeth says on 1/15/07 at 10:24 am:
    

    “And it occurs to me that perhaps it is an easy aspect between Venus and Mars in a chart that brings opportunities for love and sex when you need them while the hard aspects that bring scenarios that are jarring.”

    Do you mean transits as well as Natal? Because I’ve noticed that transits of Mars and Venus to natal do make a difference in my life.

    My Venus is at 19 Pisces (trine Neptune at 19 Scorpio) and Mars is at 15 Virgo - oh, and Saturn is at 9 Pisces - so droughts are common, but it doesn’t bother me. It also takes a while for me to move a relationship along - one night stands ain’t my thing - to the point of having sex. Some people aren’t that patient.

    Oh and what is Mars doing to my Venus? Making it clean the house instead of loafing and reading all weekend, buying fruit and veggies instead of cheesecake and wine…

25. Strawberry Fields says on 1/15/07 at 1:56 pm:
    

    Interesting article indeed, kashmiri (#21). Thanks for the link!

    I love the title of EP’s book, btw: “Mating in Captivity”

26. violet says on 1/15/07 at 10:25 pm:
    

    kashmiri i find it interesting that a topic like that in the Guardian should come up the sametime Elsa’s blog is also pondering a similar subject.

    on my first read through of the link you posted i thought it sounded like that popular book from a decade or so ago called The Rules, only this publication would be for folks in long term relationships. upon re-reading i can appreciate Ester Perel’s quest to address the lack of sexual/desirous passion in long term relatonships…

    …however, from the break time and lunch period conversations i’ve encountered at work it seems as though many people in long term relationships get off by projecting their own imaginations and fantasies onto single people. i cannot tell you the amount of times i have had long term partnered people just asume (no proof, no evidence), that i am getting royally worked on any given evening of the week. i used to protest until i realised i could use this (talk) to my own benefit and see myself in a sexual light even though i’m not getting any;) ,but there is no point in telling them this either, since many would not believe me.

    thanks for the link :). i especially liked Mariella Frostrup’s article

27. Toni says on 1/15/07 at 11:53 pm:
    

    I have mars square venus, which is supposed to be a difficult aspect? I’ve never really wanted for a relationship or long-term sexual partner. But it did take me until I had a fling at 21- first casual relationship I had- to understand what ‘passion’ meant. I really had no idea what ppl were talking about up until then.

28. Z says on 1/16/07 at 4:35 am:
    

    I have venus (conj Eros) in aries trine mars in sag and with jupiter part of a stellium in 7th…i have never been lonely for long in fact sometimes it’s too much, like buses 4 will come along at once. And that mars energy has in the past made me abit too impulsive and rash, falling in love with love rather than properly checking out whether the other person involved is really suitable (ruler neptune in 8th opp merc may have a part to play there). Cant complain though, i’ve met alot of interesting people, had alot of fun and learnt alot too.

29. L says on 1/16/07 at 5:36 am:
    

    My Venus is at 29 Virgo, sandwiched between Pluto (25 Virgo) and Uranus (6 Libra).

    My Mars is at 13 Leo, conjunct the Sun at 15 Leo.

    They semi-square.

    I haven’t had the easiest love life. Sometimes I envy people who settle down relatively early with someone they had a long history with. I have a history of short flame-outs, cold bastards, and finding a soul mate AFTER I was engaged. Sigh.

    It took me a while to figure out that my love life is always going to be topsy turvy. Look at my Venus. It aspects all three outer planets (it also closely sextiles Neptune). So, I just learned to go with the flow.

30. Strawberry Fields says on 1/16/07 at 10:22 am:
    

    re: violet (#26)

    I agree with you re: single people.

    People too quickly ~assume~ that single people are getting it (sex) left, right and center. Or that they ~can~, if they should want to (projection by wishful attached people no longer ‘getting any’, as you point out).

    Conversations with single people over the years and knowledge of my own friends’ histories indicate that this is not the case. Things are not that simple.

    There are people who will fuck anything in sight. These people get a lot of sex, usually before and after marriage, whether with their partner and/or others.

    Other people are more choosy. Even if they are single and ‘free’, they don’t want to, and DON’T, jump in bed with just any easy lay.

    There’s a full of range of degrees and frequency of sexual activity, and reasons for engaging in (or not), criteria or lack thereof, etc.

    Sexual involvement is a complex choice that goes beyond desire and opportunity.

31. Aleesha says on 12/22/07 at 11:10 am:
    

    Hi Elsa,

    CAUTION: This comment is very long!

    I liked your article because it was intelligently written as well as its subject matter always being (fortunately for some, unfortunately for others), relevant.

    I’m going to share my thoughts on this anyway.. I have a very losely orbed Venus-Mars conjunction in Aries in the 11th house which makes a so-called adverse (a square) aspect to Neptune in the 7th house. This is the only ‘negative’ aspect the conjunction makes.

    So I suppose you would immediately deduce that I would have to be very cautious and discriminate regarding whom I befriend or associate with to protect myself against possible deception or any other unscrupulous behaviour. Truth be told- I AM wary of others (particularly men). I wouldn’t call myself naive. Then again, I have a Scorpio Moon tightly conjunct Saturn with its ruler Pluto in Scorpio to which I attribute my genuine ability to make decent judgements about people.

    I remember one incident (though there have been many), when I was 13.. I was introduced by my friend to a married new male neighbour of hers. I immediately distrusted him because there were ‘leaks’ in his behaviour. For example, my friend mistakenly knocked his folder off a table and he supposedly ‘jokingly’ got really mad about it. It was as if he was enraged at first but then he quickly tried to cover it up to make it into a joke.

    When we went for a walk with him in the hills behind his house, I was very reluctant to go because I basically didn’t trust him. I tried to persuade my friend that we shouldn’t go with him but she then said she’d simply go on her own with him. I didn’t want her to leave her by herself so I tagged along. Throughout the walk, he was again supposedly ‘jokingly’ doing things like attempting to push my friend Sinead into the stream and jostling her on steep terrain. I didn’t like it one bit. When we safely returned, I told Sinead I didn’t trust him and that I thought he had a dangerous, violent streak in him. She brushed it off, thinking I was only imagining it.

    Time passed and soon Sinead was telling me incidents involving Owen (the violent neighbour). One involved Owen unjustly taking offence at something trivial Sinead’s sister had said and then pinning her to the wall by her neck.

    Within a few weeks, it emerged that Owen’s wife Francis (a lovely, genuine woman), had left him because he was beating her. According to Francis, these beatings had occurred for several years (long before she and Owen moved to my friend’s neighbourhood). The violence became too much so she secretly fled and called Sinead’s mother detailing all this but begging her not to disclose her location to Owen. She was terrified of him.

    So this culmination of events confirmed what I had always thought of that man and gave me faith and confidence in my own judgements from then on. Thus, my proven clear judgement of people doesn’t seem to support the indications shown by my Venus-Mars square Neptune in the 7th, weirdly enough.

    Now, as regards the Venus-Mars thing and the availability of sex when ‘needed’.. In my experience, I have noticed that I’m a magnet for randy men who really need to learn a few lessons about proper social conduct. I don’t seek out those men. In normal situations where I have been simply walking down the street in conservative clothes and minding my own business, I have had an ample range of bullshit shouted at me from over-sexed men. I can’t repeat any of it here because it’s unrepeatable.

    I was recently in a cab having a normal conversation with the cab driver when he suddenly switched to talk about sex and what he’d like to do to me, or what I could do to him, etc. Bear in mind that this man was in his forties, very overweight, and basically not attractive in conventional terms. I quickly got out of the cab and ran away.

    In June 2006, I was walking home in broad daylight when a man who looked to be in his fifties intercepted my path and walked ahead of me. There weren’t many people around because it was a bank holiday weekend and most of the people in this usually-student-populated area had gone home for the weekend. Anyway, when I turned a corner shortly after that (he was, by then, out of my field of vision), I was met by the same man leaning against a wall facing me with his trousers around his ankles and his genitalia in full view. I shouted appropriate swear words at him before quickly crossing the street and calling the police. I gave a statement to the police who took action but unfortunately never found that twisted f*cker of a man. I haven’t checked which planets may have been transitting my Venus-Mars or Neptune or 7th house at the time but I wouldn’t be surprised if those were activated somehow.

    It hasn’t been all bad for me, however. I have attracted nice, respectable, intelligent guys in the past but I wasn’t too bothered in developing it from there. I have fun flirting with men or being the recipient of it but I don’t go overboard with it. At the risk of sounding egotistical, I know I could very easily have got various men I have encountered in the past (and present) into bed but I place more value on getting to know (and hopefully further like), a man before I shag them. I’m not promiscuous because I feel I have a lot more to offer men than my abilities in the bedroom. Aside from the aforementioned “randy men” I encounter regularly, I find that men in general are willing to go out of their way to help with something. This ranges from male bartenders undercharging me for a drink (though I don’t drink alcohol), or just last Saturday when a nice cab driver (as opposed to that lump of sh*t mentioned above), undercharged me, or male strangers helping me to lift something heavy (though I’m not a weakling and try to maintain self-sufficiency at all times). I don’t ask for these favours and it sometimes makes me feel guilty that I somehow influence men into being unnecessarily helpful. I don’t take advantage of people.

    So, in conclusion (after this enormously tedious, long ‘comment’!), I say that my personal experiences as an owner of Venus aspecting Mars have confirmed that it plays a part in getting sex or potential partners (if you want it).

32. Aleesha says on 12/22/07 at 11:15 am:
    

    That’s my two cents anyway..

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