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Making Yourself Feel Lousy: It’s So Easy To Do
Ask The Collective…
I was talking to a friend who said he felt people created their feelings at least to an extent. For example, say you have a friend who recently broke up with a partner. And you’re all at a party and this person starts talking about their ex. “Oh, I miss him…” she says. “Oh, I feel so bad…”
My friend had observed that once a person started up with this, next thing you know they’re feeling it. They’re completely depressed or bereft. And this makes sense. This is exactly what happens when you start drudging something up while other times feelings come in on their own.
And it seemed to me this was worth a think. Because most people have enough bad feelings as it is. And it’s one thing to opt not to feed them when they come, but perhaps even smarter to not create them in the first place.
“I’m going to a party tonight and I’m not going to bring up my ex, even once…”
How often do you create your own feeling state… for good or ill?
14 Responses to “Making Yourself Feel Lousy: It’s So Easy To Do”
I used to do it all the time, too.
I think if somebody is poisoning your mind with a pervasive negative attitude, it’s a good idea to say something. Sometimes pessimistic people are not aware that their pain can make them incredibly self-absorbed. Now I can see that I was often that way.
Awesome awesome article, Bluemarine. Thank you.
13 years ago I went through a short time when I got divorced from my husband of 22 years (his decision - he left me for another woman), my 15 year old daughter got pregnant and both my ex and I lost our jobs. I felt like my whole world had ended. I could have said “oh poor me” and nobody would have blamed me. For some reason, I chose to say to God, “I want to learn the lesson from this because I never want to do this again”. And I proceeded to grow. I went to college. I began a new career path. I rented out rooms in my home to make ends meet. I welcomed my new grandchild into the world. And now, thirteen years later, I can look back and see that this time was the richest time in my life - a time when I took responsibility for myself without dependence or blame on my parents, my ex-husband, my children. I chose to see the path ahead as a learning experience - a positive one. I honestly feel that choice saved my life. To this day I choose to remain a happy person who faces the challenges life dishes out as stepping stones to something better. In no way did my choice to be happy in the face of what seemed to be complete failure make me vacuous or “unaware of reality”. I just chose to make my own reality. At 58 I have a good job that provides for me with enough to be generous to my family. I own my home. My children are doing well. I have a wonderful man who just came into my life. I am actually looking forward to the next challenge because I see now that is what makes you grow. I do avoid toxic people as much as possible. When I can, I share what has happened to me in hopes they will recognize that they are creating their reality. Some do, some don’t. I refuse to take it personally.
We create our own feeling most of the time.
I’d say all the time, but I can’t, sometimes i feel awfull and it has nothing to do with my thinking patterns. Maybe I absorve feelings from other people sometimes. Getting away from toxic people is very important. I’ve had to get away from lots of scorpios and scorpio moons, because they tend to love a drama and are very successful in creating them.
great story Kathy, thanks for sharing.
Great article bluemarine.
Great story Kathy. THANK you.
I’m really into this topic now, have been consciously and Capricorn Doggedly changing my responses to the world for the last six months. I no longer allow myself to wallow for more than a day. It’s over. I feel like I remember most of my life with me wallowing in some self-created bullshit or other. I’m so tired of being down, I’m so tired of playing victim to other people’s victimizer. I’ve certainly turned it around on a daily basis, but it is really difficult to deal with negative people now. I really really don’t want to hang out there. I’m 43, can I PLEASE start living now?
Rant rant rant. My communication skills are suffering, but I feel lots better!
Heather, I don’t think it’s too “know it all”. I think that if you learned something from your experience it’s good to share it with your friends and it may help them - that’s what friedns are for. It might sound a bit condescending to them, but there are ways to say things gently. If you say it from the point of your own personal expereience rather than tell them how you think they should behave or change their attitude, then it wouldn’t sound condescending. You can just tell them you used to do that too and you found that focusing on the blessings really made a huge difference in your life. That won’t sound like a “know it all”, it’s just your personal experience.
BTW, it’s not right for everyone, so don’t get upset or frustrated if some people don’t take this advice. Like Kathy said, some do and some don’t and it’s not personal.
Thanks for all the feedback guys….definitely let me know I’m on the right track. Love the mirror/neurons article!
I’m a fixed sign so I know that I dwell on an issue for a very long time. It takes a while to get there, but once it’s there — watch out.
But by text book standard, we have 5 stages of grieving: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, then finally Acceptance. So I try to understand that angry people are in their process, and I try to find a creative solution to my own situations, too.
And instead of “creating” our own feelings, was it possible that the feelings were already there and we were just repressing it? We just let it out at an inappropiate time and place where it is considered socially unacceptable?
The article referred by Bluemarine does work terrific sense. It reminds me of the law of attraction. HAPPINESS IS ME.
I often create my own feeling state. I did it when I was suicidal when I was much younger, and I do it now as a happy, peaceful soul.
It can be very hard to accept that you can change the way you think. I think some emotional states–like anger–can become addictive. Or at least so habitual there feels like there is no way out.
“And instead of “creating” our own feelings, was it possible that the feelings were already there and we were just repressing it? We just let it out at an inappropiate time and place where it is considered socially unacceptable?”
This is an excellent point and very true too.
I do create my feelings or try to control my feeling environment but I feel much better when I don’t have the need to and am able to just “be.”
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I used to do that all the time, but in this transformation, that is one of the things I am very conciously trying NOT to do. So I focus on the blessings, and it is making a huge difference. So here’s my question, if I have friend(s) that do that, can I make the suggestion to try what I do, or is that too know it all? It gets to the point I don’t want to hear their dark view of the world because then it creates those same feelings in me and I like the glass half full much better.