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Trust Redux: How Do You Handle Betrayal?
Ask the Collective…
So everyone I meet starts out being trusted, but if you ever jack me up, that goes out the window and really… well, I’d rather never see you or hear from you again. And if I must, I’ll avoid eye contact. You know. It’s a total shunning. I will look right through you until the end of time.
But oddly, I don’t suffer much when I am betrayed. I tend to think it’s your problem if you betray me. Like it’s your problem if you cheat on me or some other kind of thing you are not supposed to do. I just don’t think it has anything to do with me if you’re lousy.
Generally I have 2-3 days of mourning before I shrug my shoulders and move along. In fact, I even have some good feelings come from it because I know you’ll have to make it up. If not this life, the next! And for Capricorn, this is very much like money in the bank. 
And I never seek revenge or try to retaliate in any way. Or at least the last time I did was about 15 years ago (mistake) and before that I can’t even remember. To me, that would be good money after bad.
How do you handle betrayal?
13 Responses to “Trust Redux: How Do You Handle Betrayal?”
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Hah, what a funny time for this post. My first ex just contacted me after years, and he was my first big time betrayal. I hated him but still loved him too and it took me literally years to get over it. I did cut him off once I realized there was no hope, but if I’m contacted a while after I’ve been betrayed I kind of see things with rose-colored glasses. I don’t want anything to do with the person, but I’m horrible at holding grudges and my temper usually subsides over time. That’s with anyone who pisses me off.
Usually I end up feeling guilty for being mean to someone who wronged me.
Thank you for sharing how you handle betrayal, Elsa. I also feel it is the other person’s problem ultimately if they screw me over
I feel bad for the other person because I am an awesome friend. I also do a bit of a shun, but I try to consciously send love to that person, even if they are a total ass. Assholes need friends too. Just don’t ask me to fill that role!
As for spilling secrets, I will never, even trust you again. I am a Taurus sun with a Cap moon, and have a serious problem if you tamper with my loyalties.
As for revenge, happiness and sending love to an enemy is the best revenge. Because it confuses them, ha ha!
I’m way too forgiving, of even terrible offenses…the first time. Further betrayals result in being cut out of my life but not without cost to me. I do it for self-preservation but I still suffer over it.
I shrug my shoulders: their problem. Though I think if it came from my close family, lover or friends I would not cope so well. Their problem is my problem after all…
I, like Kat above, forgive way too much, too often, and too easily. And once it comes to the point that I have to cut them out of my life, I suffer for a long time, usually. To me, being betrayed by a friend or someone that I trusted, feels like walking into a glass wall. I’m stunned, shaken, and confused for quite awhile afterward. I wish I wasn’t like that. I wish I could shake it off more easily, because there is no doubt that people often aren’t as trustworthy as I’d like them to be.
It is odd, I often trust people, while not trusting them, if that makes any sense. I guess I’ve been burned enough to realize that I’ll never really know what is happening in another person’s head, and while I can trust that it is all kosher in there, I know that often it isn’t. And I’ll find myself sometimes doubting people that are close to me, just because I can’t possibly be sure of what they are doing or thinking.
Betray a Scorpio? Silly mortals. I’ve reached the point where amputation is swift and complete. Fortunately, I reached the point years ago where that’s the extent of things.
i take betrayal way too personally. i am trying to stop that. i cant be sure why that is. i would like to be more like christine. i liked her comment. it gives me something to work towards.
I spend entirely too much time wondering ‘why’ they did this to me. Like my current nemesis — shouldn’t I get superhero tights or something, if I’m going to have a nemesis? — logically, I know she’s just a miserable woman with no life, but it took me FOREVER to just let it go after everything she did to me.
It takes an incredible amount of work to get back into my good graces, and I will keep a betrayer seeking asylum at a significant arms’ length because I just ‘know’ that they are going to hurt me again.
Therapy over the last year has taught me that it isn’t my problem, that I cannot control people and make them act like civilized beans. (and here I was, plotting to take over the world!)
If it’s big enough, and if the person fails to grovel for forgiveness, I also do the complete shunning. Never speak to them again, never look at them again, and it doesn’t matter if we’re sitting next to each other at a social gathering. They cease to exist.
If they do grovel… Well, I may never forget what they did, and never be able to full trust them again, but there is some measure of forgiveness.
It depends on the person, if they are generally good and well intented and good friends, if they are moral, someone who chooses to be good, and they just slipped and they didn’t mean to hurt me, then it can happen - we are all human, it can happen to you too, it happened to me. Except I won’t tolerate cheating in a romantic relationship, we might stay friends though, particularly if the guy still wants me - bwahahahaha :-D. But if they are not well intented or are just too selfish to give a damn about the harm they do then I do have a problem with them. I tend to blame myself too and ask myself why they did it and what did I do to deserve it and when someone does you wrong they often try to blame it on you, so when someone does me wrong I end up feeling guilty myself, but I won’t let them know it.
I don’t revenge because I just don’t know how to, I can’t bring myself to plan it and make an effort because they don’t worth the effort, right? But I think that if the opportunity will just present itself there’s a good chance I’ll use it, even years after it happened. Shunning them is obvious - I mean it’s the least I can do, but it’s not enough :-). I wish I could have just 2-3 days of mourning - I’ll remember it for years and years, probably till the day I’ll die unless my neurons burn out first :-). And I just think it’s right to revenge, I mean if the person didn’t just slip or fail or just had a moment of weakness. Because I think that if you do something wrong and there’s no price to pay then you would do it again, if not to me then to someone else. Why wouldn’t you? If you don’t get hurt for it and you don’t give a damn that someone else is hurting then why wouldn’t you do it again? If you hit someone and get hit right back then you might think twice before you hit someone the next time.
Aw, Cassi, what a nice thing to say! I hear what you’re saying about taking betrayal personally, though. I can totally relate to that!
I, too, used to spend a lot of time wondering why someone treated me the way that they had.
I don’t know why I stopped caring so much. And trust me, sometimes I still do.
But at some point I looked at one of my relatives complaining about how people/friends/old employers/family had wronged her 40 YEARS after the fact, and I thought: I better break this habit of being constantly wounded before I end up a seventy-year old complaining about some stupid boss I had when I was 20!
I mean, boring, right? And I want to clear my head space for giving thanks for all the wonderful people I have in my life and all the good I have been recipient to.
There are just as many nice people as assholes, and the assholes get all the airtime. Time for a change!
Betrayal…….If I cannot forgive anyone a betrayal then I cannot forgive myself. I am not perfect and am quite sure that I have caused someone the feelings of betrayal…..unintentional or otherwise.
People change and I am no exception. I had a “friend” who betrayed me in the worst way. It involved my sons and I wanted revenge….and sought it. It resolved not the betrayal or pain of it so what I was left with was my actions which only exacerbated the issue and left me feeling disgusted with myself.
My entire family did horrendous, unspeakable things to me. Molestation, vicious beatings,slander ……utter betrayal.
I do not hold anything against them though. I love them still inspite of everything ( Some from a very healthy distance). I percieve this to be my “karma” and accept the good with the bad.
I’ve learned alot in these 44 years and what has given me peace is letting things go and forgiving as I too need forgiveness.
I am a cancer and when mt ex cheated and betrayed me i havent spoke with him in years im done with you.