How People Cope With Feelings Of Insecurity: The Capricorn Plague

14 Responses to “How People Cope With Feelings Of Insecurity: The Capricorn Plague”

1. Laura Elizabeth says on 11/17/06 at 7:13 am:
   

   I needed an “All of the above” option. It really depends upon the circumstances. The Virgo in me identifies with the internal dialog of “what do they think of me? they think I’m horrible, evil, ugly….” seriously negative internal conversation. The Pisces in me often completely misses external cues people send me and I’m frequently of the attitude of “who gives a shit; I’m me, accept it or find something else to do.” And sometimes when some one does, unjustly, pick on me or attack me or… whatever, put me in a place of un-comfort, my Mercury in Aries comes out with big ass-kickin’ boots and I attack - verbally. Or, I allow my Cancer rising to hide me in a shell. It really depends upon the situation and the person or people involved.

2. Strawberry Fields says on 11/17/06 at 9:54 am:
   

   I think very few polls (yours or others) reflect reality.

   Mainly because most of the time, polls don’t offer the option that I would choose. This to say, in every poll, the choices offered are inadequate. (Not just for me I’m sure, for everyone.)

   Take for example, one of my local newspapers. Its daily online poll consistently asks me to choose between 2 or 3 choices that all miss the point, from the perspective of ~my~ reality. Daily. Only one poll out of 10, I can actually pick what would be (is) my answer.

   Still, polls amuse/entertain me (kinda like Sun horoscopes) and are ‘revealing’ in their own right.

   But I never assume they reflect reality.

   P.S. — To be more valid, a poll would have to at the very least have a catch-all “Other” option. This, I realize, would dilute the ’specific’ options otherwise offered, but it ~would~ better reflect reality.

3. Strawberry Fields says on 11/17/06 at 10:01 am:
   

   About the passive-agressive thing…

   A lot of p-a people don’t even ~realize~ they are p-a.

   Those that do often play a game of denial with ~themselves~, hence, they can’t be expected to publicly cop to it, not even in an anonymous poll.

   It’s like alcoholics. I know a whole bunch of people who qualify as ‘alcoholics’ (by anybody’s list of criteria). Yet, when you even ~hint~ they they might be, they go ‘who me? no way’. They also tend to not see it ~their~ alcoholic buddies.

   Not all of us are able to assess ourselves objectively. Most (all?) of us have at least one major blind spot.

4. seekingzen says on 11/17/06 at 11:32 am:
   

   Yes, I needed an ‘all of the above’! I would have picked that one rather than ‘I don’t know’. But I don’t think the results were accurate… Some people don’t realize they’re being jerks, refuse to listen to anyone who tells them so, or wouldn’t cop to it even if they did know it.

   Heh. I can be a right pain in the ass, and the more insecure I get, the more of a pain in the ass I am. But don’t actually TELL me I’m being a ‘pain in the ass’ (with those exact words) or I’ll do a whole ‘nother kind of freak-out. Er… That is, I will if you’re my sig. other. Folks who aren’t in so deep with me get off easy, because I would never reveal enough to them for them to get the full measure of freakness.

   But shhhh, don’t tell anyone! *chuckle*

5. saggal says on 11/17/06 at 1:35 pm:
   

   ok, ok, passive aggressiveness is one of my usual activities but I try to avoid it!

6. Viviana says on 11/17/06 at 10:21 pm:
   

   I don’t think polls are always perfect either.
   That’s why we write comments after answering the polls. Other times, the polls are really good, and we comment just to point that out.

   I’m too tired to think straight, but I have this thought on my mind: libra mars is THE stuff passive agressiveness is made of. Has anyone mentioned that?
   There’s also venus-pluto people that can manipulate things a bit so they hear what they want to, but that’s a different technique.

7. SaDiablo says on 11/18/06 at 2:00 am:
   

   Nicely said, Strawberry Fields. On both counts!
   (P.S. I hope you don’t mind, but I’m officially snagging your tilde-for-emphasis technique. So much better than the underscore I’ve been using!)

   I agree, most people wouldn’t pick passive-aggressive because they can’t see/recognize it when they do it. Although it’s something I also see people doing everyday!
   When I was a child my mother was p-a and, as a result, I’ve a keen eye to spotting it, in myself as well as others. And I hate it! P-a behaviour drives me bonkers, and I won’t hesistate to call someone on it. I hope someone would let me know if I was doing it!
   To me, girl with a freakin’ ton of Mars, being passive-aggressive is a cop-out. It’s vaguely dishonest and unfair to whomever you’re being p-a to (not to mention yourself). I think a lot of our culture’s problems could be solved if people could just say what they mean, ask directly for what they need, etc. No misunderstanding, yes?

   So, now that I’ve rambled on for far too long. . .

8. Strawberry Fields says on 11/18/06 at 9:50 am:
   

   SaDiablo: I use ~tildes~ in lieu of italics and *asterixes* in lieu of bold. Not sure if I picked that up somewhere along the way or invented it, but I’ve been doing that for a long, long time! Help yourself to the system!!

9. Strawberry Fields says on 11/18/06 at 10:06 am:
   

   More thoughts on this… and (perhaps) one reason why the results are not what you expected…

   Above, you say:

   “Only 4% copped to using passive-aggressive techniques in order to alleviate their un-comfort”

   But the poll’s question was:

   “When I find myself questioning my self-worth…”

   Myself, I was confused and did not see a direct link between “un-comfort” (above and in the other article) and “self-worth”.

   So, I answered the question directly asked by the poll and that one was about “when I question my self-worth” — and I answered: “I don’t have that problem”, because, well, I have NEVER EVER questioned my self-worth.

   Now, if you had asked “what do I do to deal with un-comfort” (whole other ball of wax), well, I would have given you a whole different answer. (Although, I don’t think I could have picked any single one of your options, still, because I use a different strategy, for better or for worse, depending on the situation.)

10. Strawberry Fields says on 11/18/06 at 10:26 am:
    

    re: Viviana (6) - Polls versus Comments

    I think it’s great having the both, and I especially like being able to read people’s explanations of their choice, and the nuances they want to point out, because (and astrology bears this out), life, people and issues are seldom cut and dry, either/or, black or white, this or that. Life, people and issues exist on a continuum, in shades of gray, in a rainbow of color.

    In this circumstance, with this person, then A. In some other circumstance, with some other person, then B. And so on, infinitely.

    I have recently started reading the comments left by readers after (online) newspaper articles. Much interesting. Not only for the wide diversity of opinions and reactions, but in the personality types, etc. that are revealed. It’s kind of like ‘people watching’. Very revelatory and very educational.

11. Christine says on 11/18/06 at 4:41 pm:
    

    I have a friend who I think can be very passive aggressive ask me out of the blue: “What does passive aggressive mean?”
    To which I did not laugh, but answered truthfully. I’m still not sure who called him that to his face, as that’s a real tough one to call people on.

12. CK says on 11/19/06 at 12:53 pm:
    

    The thing with these polls is they’re phrased in a way (the ones I’ve seen) where one option is presented as the more enlightened, more desirable way of being. Elsa says ‘I’m like this, and it’s amazing I’m like this, I don’t understand how anyone could be any other way.’ So people, or sheeple (!), run with it from there. They don’t want to be unenlightened cretins.

    Example: the idea that most people stay in their uncomfort zone until they’re comfortable. This is bogus. Most people in unusual situations that cause stress behave in a way that’s similar to animals: with fight-or-flight response. Try this on: you’re sitting on a park bench, alone, and an odd person who looks and behaves homeless sits across from you or in ‘too close’ proximity to you. How do you respond? Be Real…you get up and leave. I’d estimate 80% at least would respond this way in real life. But not in a poll. I guess in a poll they’d choose the option where they offer to take him or her to lunch. Sounds good doesn’t it?

13. Strawberry Fields says on 11/19/06 at 1:03 pm:
    

    prompted by Christine’s comment…

    The thing with ‘passive-agressive’ is that it is a recent buzzword (and it is perhaps even a bit of a fad right now to point out everyone else’s p-a’ness or admitting your own — kinda like a decade(?) ago, the buzzword was ‘codependent’).

    People who aren’t into self-help trends (or don’t watch tv) can be excused for not knowing the term, although, I betcha once explained to them, they are familiar with the concept. They just might never have had a word for it.

    We North American seem to go through a new ‘buzz-defect’ every few years. Right now, p-a is in! (Can’t wait to see what the next one will be!)

14. Elsa says on 11/19/06 at 1:47 pm:
    

    CK - Actually, the large majority of people who answered the un-comfort zone poll did report they moved towards comfort rather than staying in it.

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