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Deeply Invested In A Lousy Friend? Double Capricorn, Scorpio Moon
Hi Elsa,
I am grappling with a problem with a friend of mine. Actually, she’s more like a younger sister. We have been friends for as long as I can remember, but I’ve felt uncomfortable with our relationship for a long time but have not been able to tell her how I feel. She’s an only child so she has depended on me greatly for advice, support, you know, sisterly stuff. I don’t think I’ve depended on her half as much, but maybe there’s always that imbalance when there’s an age difference….
Anyway, I always have felt that she was rather self-centered and inconsiderate. We’ve also had some great moments, of course. Her mom is an influential force because she often will tell me how beautiful her daughter is, or how great she is and ask me whether or not I wished I was her.
And then recently, I met a guy. Actually I wasn’t sure if I would like him at first, but then I really grew to like him. I introduced him to my friend and we all went out together one night. She became very fond of him. I’m not sure what was going on at that time still, but there were many awkward situations where she was making overtures to get his attention, or she was telling me that we weren’t right for each other… and I got all confused.
Eventually, I really liked him and was a little disappointed that she wasn’t happy for our blooming relationship. She has not had much success with guys, despite being very pretty and witty and intelligent. I grew resentful of her for not supporting me and began to distance myself. Not once has she broached the subject with me.
I’m at odds over what to do. In a way, I’m happier because that tension is gone, and when I do see her, it feels like a more casual relationship than before… more balanced. What do you think?
Friend Morphing
Dear Friend,
You sound like a great friend! Patient, loving and kind and I think this gal has been lucky to have you in her life because she sounds a bit spoiled and self-absorbed which is her problem, entirely.
Now you are primarily Scorpio and Capricorn which means you are loyal, responsible and can take a lot of shit. These are good qualities right up until they do you in, and I think what you really need is permission to let this girl go. So here it is:
It is okay to let this girl go! Some relationships simply fade - plus it sounds like your new man is offering something that is feeding you on a much deeper level. So I would suggest you focus your energy on him and let this girl figure it out. Or not!
I mean it’s very nice that you have acted big sister to her, but by now she’s an adult, yes? So it’s time for her to be a friend, rather than just have a friend. And if she can’t clutch it up, I would just let her slip through my fingers. Because think about it.
You’re happy right now, which doesn’t come all that easy to Scorpio or Capricorn. And you only have so many friend-slots in your life, so why waste one of them on someone who doesn’t cheer you when you finally manage to win?
You really do sound terrific. Let her go… understanding that if she’s got the stuff, she’ll come to you and heal the relationship. Meantime, look for a much better friend. One who is feels happy when you’re happy.
Much love and good luck.
~~
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3 Responses to “Deeply Invested In A Lousy Friend? Double Capricorn, Scorpio Moon”
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I once had a good friend…
Thought he was my best friend
I know relations or friendships aren’t supposed to last forever and those aren’t my ideas…
But in the end, he seemed to criticize my every breath…
I am too extreme, to weird…
It hurted, cause i always try to accept ppl with their flaws…
I have Cancer on house 11, so i’m very loyal and emotionally attached to friends…
So after an end, i just put this friendship in the fridge…
Sometimes i see him at a party, we talk casually, but not about important topics anymore…
I feel good about it… and i slightly began to don’t care anymore how he feels
I hope you take care
Focus on this relation with the guy now, and i wouldn’t write your female friend totally off, but she is not your main focus right now
Grtz
Jas
“I think this gal has been lucky to have you in her life because she sounds a bit spoiled and self-absorbed which is her problem, entirely.”
Exactly! Elsa, spot on! I bet this younger friend has’nt a clue about a lot of things that do not involve superficiality. She sounds as if she has not developed any profundity and that usually takes a lot of work and experience.
I think I would have cut her loose the first time she showed interest in my guy. That’s a deal breaker to me. I agree with Elsa. Let her go develop some character just as you have and then she will be worthy of your time.
P.S. Sounds as if you’ve found a good friend in this guy. Good luck with everything, Friend.
Wow. Thank you so much for your responses. That was definitely what I needed to hear. It’s so hard when you have had a friend for a long time, and then you realize that it’s not a good relationship and have to be the one to let it go. I’ve always been able to do this with boyfriends, but not with girlfriends. Thank you for helping me to realize that I deserve to be happy and surround myself with people who make me feel like that. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!