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The New York Times Reports: To Be Married Means To Be Outnumbered: Astrology, Love and Commitment
Astrology In Real Life…
“…The American Community Survey, released this month by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation’s 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples - with and without children - just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier.”
I’ve been thinking about the dropping marriage rate. The first thing I thought was if they would allow gay marriage the rate would go right back up. But other than that, it’s a bit if a relief. Because although marriage does suit a percentage of people very well, some of us just plain, strain under contracts in general. I know I do. I have been married twice and was miserable from day one, both times! And it had nothing to do with the men.
The problem is that “marriage” is a shoe that does not fit my foot. At all! I have Venus square Neptune in my chart which describes a very leaky situation when it comes to “love”. My love is going all over, all the time so standing there promising to corral and contain it creates a complete disconnect. And that’s just the beginning of my woes.
So I’m standing there getting married… I’m saying the words I’m supposed to be saying and it’s a complete “sacrifice” because the words have nothing to do with my soul. And I have to say it’s a great relief to get a little older and have the ability to communicate this.
I am either in love with you, or I am not! I am devoted or I am not! I am loyal to a degree that is astonishing and all a marriage license does is make me miserable to a degree that is nearly supernatural. So in many ways I am glad to see there are fewer marriages. Because I know via astrology there are gobs of people who feel akin to the way I do and this is very liberating.
On the other hand, I think it is hell on the kids! And single parenting is so incredibly hard. But so is living a life that is mismatched to your nature. And people who aren’t suited to marriage wind up divorced anyway!
So what if there were no stigma of any kind attached to being married or single? Would you say marriage suits you? Or are you more like me, cramming your foot into an uncomfortable shoe, the moment you say “I do”?
And where is your Venus? It’s sign and it’s aspects.
36 Responses to “The New York Times Reports: To Be Married Means To Be Outnumbered: Astrology, Love and Commitment”
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Venus in 5th house Sag. Trine 9th house Mars. Opposed by 11th house Jupiter. Squared by the Nodes in 2nd and 8th houses. 3 broken marriages, my fault because I should have known better.
my venus is conjunct the mh in gemini. i think it has issues with mars and my ascendent in virgo.
i havent not found happiness in marriage or love relationship but i am not against it. i wish i was more against it.
i a far better friend than i am a mate.
Ahh, I can’t choose! It would depend on my partner and what they wanted. Marriage was never a big deal to me until I really started thinking about the person I want to be with, and can’t see myself without. But a piece of paper does not make the commitment.
Venus in Scorpio in the 8th square jupiter in 5th and sextile saturn in 6th, it’s my least aspected planet.
Venus in seventh, square Saturn, opposed moon.
Despite the screaming “MUST NEED PARTNER!” stuff going on in my chart, the squares and oppositions make it easier for me to go lone wolf. I think I’d hate being married, I just find the idea of the commitment romantic (see that Libra T-square post below).
I would love to be married and have a wild and crazy life while in that tome. I’m optimistic but reality is am also mid thirties, single fem, etc, etc..so maybe not. he.he.he. Oh, have gem/2nd house moon & saturn conjunct gem/3rd house venus — all opp jupiter in sag/9th. Whatever and however it all manifests I’m still a leo stellium. kisses.
I want an intangible committment that marriage doesn’t neccessarily offer. but then I also want health insurance.
if there was national health insurance (usa) I doubt I’d think much about marriage.
I realized that just because *I* was committed in marriage, didn’t mean the other person was. there were things I like about it, and things I didn’t. it certainly made me feel safer but it turns out the other partner can change their mind so I don’t know that it would ever feel that way to me again.
I meant “till death” and I’m pretty lucky that he didn’t.
Well, I have Virgo Uranus and Pluto conjunct my Ascendant opposing my Pisces Venus and Chiron. I got married once, divorced him 3 years later and I’ve remained unmarried ever since. Variety IS the spice of life
I’m very curious as how can Elsa tell pisces don’t care about this??
I have venus trine saturn. venus in capricorn, saturn in the 7th.. north node in the 7th. and I don’t care about marriage. just recently became more interested in relationships, with saturn transiting the 7th.
what’s the deal with pisces and not caring about this? Can someone tell me? Thanks!
I’m 43 year old female - never married. Plenty of serial monogomy over the years. No romantic interludes for the last 3 years, MY choice. I’m an artist (digital) with highly aspected Venus.
Taurus Asc. (venus rules the chart?).
Asc trine Venus in Capricorn (9th H)
Venus trine Uranus conjuct Pluto in Virgo (5th H)
Venus square Jupiter in Aries(12th H)
Venus conjunct South Node opp. North Node
Venus sextile Chiron in Pisces (11th H.)
My romantic self would like to runaway for a dirty weekend in some exotic and expensive location with a gorgeous, silver-haired gentleman, get hitched in private, and return with a ring on my finger, a wicked hangover and whisker rash. hee hee.
Viviana, I think Elsa is saying that Pisceans ( in general ) are a flighty bunch and perhaps sometimes forget that they ARE married. It’s not that they don’t really care about marriage they just can’t remember what it is. I know because I met two Piscean men at a dance club and both were after my phone number. Only problen was…they were MARRIED! See? They forgot they were already involved!
As for me, as I stated in my post to Libra Rising, I only married for “technical” reasons. Marriage is NOT a commitment nor does it magically create one. It is an institution designed to create jobs and revenue. I don’t need no stinking piece of paper to remind me that I am devoted to only one person.
When I look back at my previous “marriages” I laughed my way through the vows ( note to self; laughing through vows =divorce)because I KNEW I was lyin’ out my ass when I said them.
Why did I do it, you may ask? (And rightly so).
Because I had issues with my Libra Ascendant.
Anyway, I’m with Satori and Elsa on this one. Marriage does not = commitment.
Jamie,
Your phone number story reminded me of a night in a bar with a friend. A man was seriously hitting on her–she’s like: I’m married. He says: Me too! Here’s my number anyway.
So we get outside of the bar, open the paper up, and the paper is BLANK! Can you explain that, Elsa?
On another note, both my honey and I are in the great fortune of having Saturn in the 7th house, which apparently means death for people who desire marriage. Ha! Incidentally, he is 17 years older than me (classic for this Saturn placement, I have just learned).
Good thing we both don’t want it! The only time he asked me was when he was half dead int he hospital. I said “Don’t worry, sweetie, I’m not going anywhere. Ask me when the morphine wears off.” He didn’t. Ha ha!
As for the Venus, it’s in the 3rd house, conjunct Mars, opposite Pluto, squared the Moon, and trined to Neptune, Saturn, and Jupiter.
Last words: Marriage for me is a ridiculous symbol of a beginning. I have a feeling I’m going to get married when I am old and the relationship is old, too.
I, too, loathe the idea of contracts involving matters of the heart, even of the soul! For me, they would be begging to be broken. Oddly enough, I treated my longer-term relationships almost like marriage - we usually lived together! I read that is because Mars in the 4th house would rather have “relations” with someone who shares the home.
Of course my Venus in Aquarius in the 5th house is in mutual reception with Uranus in Libra (1st/2nd house) … then again Venus is squared by Saturn in 9th house Taurus. It squares my 2nd house Scorpio Moon too. I always seem to forget that one aspect! I think I am hiding something from myself!
Pisces here too.
The timing of this is incredible, literally while turning on my computer I was wondering about all my parallel realtionships. I’m a Scorp with Virgo ascendant, my Venus is in Libra, and I’ve been divorced twice. Don’t know about all the aspect stuff. I do know that I am leaky too, and devoted to all of my men. I have a great relationship with both ex husbands and ties with others that will never break. All of them know about my involvement with the others, but it’s basically serial monogamy, and I just keep them in the place in my heart that’s theirs, I don’t feel the need to cast them out. I feel like with each one we’re connected on a soul level that is unique to us and so there is no need to exclude anyone, there’s no such thing as competition. I have enough love for everyone, and maybe it is only through not being married that I can fully express that without betraying anyone’s expectations.
For now, single works for me. I get to sprinkle a lot of pixie dust this way!!
Venus in Libra, 8th house, conjunct Mercury, Pluto and Uranus. Never married, don’t plan on it. I voted for the “short term contract” option, though; I’ve always thought that was a good idea.
I forgot to post my Venus placement and aspects. Venus Retrograde in Scorpio, first house, conjunct Neptune (leaky, leaky, leaky) conjunct Moon, Square Mars and Saturn, trine Jupiter and sextile Pluto.
I’ve got a lot of male issues. My Venus has an intense desire to refine it’s love nature and she is in the process of reconstruction:)
Christine, that was a very weird (and funny) story! I bet he was a Pisces.See, he forgot to put his number on the paper!
the pisces thing… well, I would say that pisces is about faith, belief, fluidity, and what does that have to do with contracts?
I have moon square venus so my needs and wants don’t co-exist too happily.
Venus in Virgo, 7th house, conjuct moon, quintile mars, square Jupiter and Neptune.
I said I wanted to be married. Of course, I’ve never been married so I don’t know how it will affect me- never had a long term relationship either.
I want a steady partner, that’s all- but best if they are the independent sort, and really like to travel. I love to daydream about being a housewife(I’m a great cook, ect.) but honestly? I have to have a career. Kids, or book writing would maybe suffice. have to have some purpose. or die.
Hmmm…this is interesting. I have Venus in Aquarius and really hate being comitted sometimes but perhaps (and I”m learning astrology slowly) my Cancer moon and Capricorn sun really LOVE being married? I’m loyal to the point of utter stupidity for example. BUT I find myself being two people–’nurturing co-dependant parent’ and ‘leave me the fuck alone a-hole’. My husband gets to discover which one is present when he wakes up in the morning….
And what this means, I don’t know. I’ll research.
Venus Sextile Jupiter
Venus Quincunx Uranus
I’m married, but no kids and I don’t really feel like it means anything. If we split up for good I probably wouldn’t bother going to the trouble of getting divorced as why bother doing this again?
When I was 30, I bought the package. It seemed almost biological in nature. NOW all I wanna do is be able to support myself in a decent way. I relate to what Satori said– health insurance for example! I think it would be better to be single, but it was utter hell being single. Forget it. I’ll just see what happens. I’m beyond wishy-washy, I’ll let life decide.
Venus in Cancer in the 8th trine my 12th house Scorpio moon. I have been married and divorced twice. My 7th house Gemini sun and Merc are definitely of two minds about the marraige thing. I like partnership but I don’t want to give up all of my freedom.
Moon and Venus want to reserve the right to go deep emotionally with who ever I care about. My solution, I’m polyamorous. I believe people can be in loving committed relationships to more than one person at a time.
I put that I’m co-dependant, because with all this stupid libra I think I am fairly inclined that way. But I have Venus in sagg, in the 9th house, so I do like to travel and do stuff with my partner. I couldn’t just sit still and build a comfortable life in a boring neighbourhood. I always thought it would just be nice to have someone to be with, experience and share life with. I thought I would find that person and they’d be my lover as well. But it’s not shaping up like that so I have to redefine what I need from who, and make best with that.
I have Venus in Taurus in the 7th house, conjunct Mars and square the Moon. I’m 34 and in a 4 year relationship. He has Venus in Virgo trine Mars and square Neptune. We are legally bound in that we own a house together. But both of us are fine with not being married. We don’t feel like it’s necessary for us to formally promise to be together until one of us dies. As much as we love each other and value our partnership, it’s unrealistic at this point to say we want to spend the rest of our lives together. If we ever have a child, that may change.
p.s. I think the Uranus in Libra and Pluto in Libra generation’s coming of age is of significance with these statistics. We were the first generation of children dealing with widespread divorce. Both my partner and I went through it as kids.
Ah, Toni, Libra is’nt stupid. She is looking for relationships so that she may learn all about BALANCE! Libra is a Cardinal sign so there is nothing “co-dependent” about this sign. She is a mover and a shaker but most Astroloy books won’t let you in on this. They make you think that just because Venus rules this sign she is weak and wishy-washy…..WRONG!
Libra is all about Harmony, Balance, Justice and Venus is the lower octave Love principle. (Neptune is the higher octave). So you “love” these Libran themes. If you have alot of Libra going on in your chart then your life lessons must be about learning these principles and then putting them into action (remember Libra is a cardinal sign).
What better way to learn these principles than by initating and becoming involved in relationships!
Everyone says “relationship” these days like it’s a dirty word. If we need one then we are needy or co-dependent. I think that some of us are just “designed” this way for a purpose. It’s our blueprint of our intentions on this planet and we need to embrace it with gusto.
So, you need to be in a relationship defined by your needs (of course), Toni? You would not be happy any other way.
Good luck with your quest!
“I’m a Pisces and none of this matters anyway”
That made me laugh out loud because it’s so true. Pisces Sun with Venus in Pisces conjunct Chiron, 9th house. Cancer rising. When I was 15 an astrologer told me, with my chart and Cancer rising and all, I’d have a lot of marriages and divorces in my life. Like Liz Taylor. I’ve never been married and probably never will.
Committment matters a great deal to me. Marriage? Not so much. Honoring the love, respecting the committment - highly important - but “I do’s” and weddings? Waste of time and money. My longest term relationships (7+ years, twice) are LIKE marriage, and we lived together, but without the formalities. Or the expense. It works (worked) for me - and them.
However… the whole dust up two years ago over gay marriage - when it was a huge issue? Sent me off to become a Unitarian Minister just so I could perform marriages. I’ve done two so far. I’ll marry anyone, I don’t care who or if they’re same-sex or not as long as they are of age. Moon, Mars, Uranus, Pluto in Virgo opposed by Sun, Venus, Chiron and Saturn in Pisces
- the whole issue just made me mad. No one has the right to define marriage, in my opinion. It’s a private matter between two people (possibly more, but I’m still pondering that one) and it shouldn’t govern if someone gets health insurance or death benefits or where they can live or whom they can live with.
Venus in Gemini opposite Neptune, square Saturn; add in Scorpio Moon conjunct Uranus for extra commitment phobic fun.
I always thought I never wanted to get married. Genuinely, it was not something I aspired to or something I thought was important. I could actually see myself enjoying a long life of non-marriedness.
But then I met a patient man under a Saturn transit…and a year later marriage was something that felt right and I’m very glad we got hitched. My wedding remains one of the best days of my life.
I’m still dreamy and my husband knows that he will never have all of me; but he also knows that I’m as devoted to him as my Scorpio Moon is loyal.
I like being married. More accurately, I like him being married to me. I like seeing the gold band on his finger that says I “own” him. I’d tattoo my name to his forehead if he’d let me. Venus conjunct IC in Virgo.
Erm. How about one for ‘I have no clue - I’m severely conflicted on the matter’. Part of me wants to bolt every time a man drops to one knee. Another part of me craves the stability and normalcy. It’s a definite issue of mine.
As for the astro… Venus in Aries, 8th house (but almost 9th)… Conjunct Merc, Sq. Moon & Mars, Trine Asc. & Saturn, Sex. Jupiter.
And I have no clue why I can’t make up my mind on this one. *shrugs*
It’s early marriage and weird ass choices at an early age that bothers me. In Russia they have and still marry at around 21, my mom reached 25 to her 30s and her friends considered her their unmarried friend. A girl who studied abroad in St. Petersburg last year (making her 21) fell in love with a man back there who seems to keep trying to get her to marry him, only in milder terms than that. She is of course crazy in love as is the daughter of my mom’s best friend in Russia who might marry any minute now. Having the problems of marriage foisted on you at such an early age scares me. I say live together a little. It’s the love that makes you think I want to spend the rest of my life with this person, why not make it formal that drives you to these choices. I think the guy who is trying to marry the girl that studied abroad is somewhat of a charlatan, though of course he isn’t, only in my wary point of view that ascribes her being ready to move to economically unstable St. Petersburg to live with someone that who knows how long she’ll love to the craziness of love. It is an American thing, I guess, to be so slow in marrying, but marriage has so much of that western Christian and economic stigma (i.e. St. Augustine talking about marrying in order to curb temptation and cheating) so that’s a factor too. Freaking oppression of women or whatever, it’s real, as skeptical of women’s studies as I am. And being tied. But hey, I’m a Gemini. Who’s never been crazy in love to boot.
It’s interesting to see everyone’s backgrounds as far as their personal experience with marriage (what their folks went through, namely).
I feel that in a lot of ways, you almost inherit your views on marriage, either through bad or good experience or whatnot. It’s similar to religion, in my humble opinion, in that way. You can break away from it, but it takes a lot of doing. There is a lot of fear and controversy around marriage. So…it’s a challenge to operate from a more pure personal motivation vs. “avoiding what happened to mom and dad” or “having the perfect marriage that mom and dad had”. I think both are unrealistic. However…perhaps it’s impossible (and unwise) to extricate ourselves from our heritage and past–I suppose we’re supposed to learn something from it. Still, I have seen many people paralyzed or castrated by their past, so one has to be careful.
On a person note, I’ve always wanted to be married–as far back as I can remember, even though I was from a family of five and there were definitely signs of marital stress. I was 23 when I married, but I would’ve married before that if I had gotten the soul mate then, but luckily I waited long enough to meet the man that I truly feel is my soul mate (yeah, I’m cheesy…I guess I believe in soul mates–whether you marry them or not is irrelevant I suppose). Then again, I may very well be tainted by my parents being married from a young age (I believe it’s more than 30 years now they’ve been married). I wouldn’t say my relationship with my husband is like what my parents have and in some ways, I’m glad of that. hahaaa…
Sorry for the long-windedness. Good luck to you all with your married or unmarried endeavors.
Your Uncle,
Hannah
p.s. Venus in Aquarius in the 2nd house. It’s funny–but I’m much more paranoid about making friends than I am about being married or otherwise attached in a love situation.
err..I’m still wimpy on the aspects knowledge. Venus sextile Ascendant and Venus quincunx Jupiter. hrmm no idea. I’ll have to look it up.
I once dated a pisces. He said he’d fall in love with any woman he slept with. He’s still friends with all of his ex-es.
Me venus in pisces opposite pluto, moon. square saturn, mars.
I would very much like to get married. However, there is something about giving up my privacy and space that would have to be negotiated before marriage would work for me. I’m very loyal and see marriage just as a legal formality and having nothing to do with the “real marriage” which has to do with you, your partner, and the community you live in recognizing your commitment to each other.
But then again - I agree with Molly’s observation about our generations coming of age and what we grew up with. We’re trying to write a different story than what we saw. I wouldn’t agree that it’s avoidance or attraction to what our parents had or didn’t have. We saw that either of the main choices that generation had didn’t work. It wasn’t negotiated properly. People didn’t understand what they were undertaking or who they were or how they would change and grow together. The uranus and pluto libra generations are trying to find a “different” solution to partnerships. I think that Elsa is asking us some smart smart smart questions to get us to examine how we get to what we really want. “better living through Elsa” as it were
I have Venus in Leo in 5th house. Moon in Leo in 5th house conjunct Venus. Leo Sun, Gemini rising.
I am very ambivalent about the whole marriage thing. On my 2nd marriage, no children. I can’t help but feel marriage is the complete opposite of romance and eroticism. Yeah, I know you can have romantic “date” nights with your partner but that’s not what I mean.
There is no uncertainty, no surprises, the very thing crazy will infatutation thrives upon. I know it’s not very mature of me but boy do I miss that stuff.
I know that, once we start discussing the washing-up or picking up cat-poop off the floor, the butterflies will never come back to my stomach again….sigh!!!
Having aaid that I DO love my husband am not planning on going leaving him or anything. I am trying to accept that you can’t have that initial thrill long-term.
He seems to think he still feels really excited whenever he sees me, however. Very flattering! I don’t understand it though. He is an Aquarius sun and a Capricorn moon - I thought he’d be more independent and free than he appears to me. But then he did have over 20 years between his brief cold (as he described it to me) first marriage and his second one to me. He also has Venus in Pisces so maybe that helps him stay starry-eyed…….
Also, interesting points on your folks’ marriages. My husband’s parents were married for YEARS until his father died and were very very happy. He never saw them have a cross-word. Whereas my home was a daily battleground (don’t ever remember having peace) and my parents divorced when I was 18. So I am cynical as hell sometimes, and he is all romantic. I start off being romantic but it seems to wear off so quickly me. The too good to be true thing….
I have Venus conjunct Uranus and have been married twice, but not for long!
Yeah, see, what Krista said about the romance being gone I see a lot in movies. All of the bad marriages. For some reason, I can’t access what I think about it now, but whenever I see a couple and the girl has cut her hair or put on a fancy outfit, I always think whether the man saw her doing it. Somehow that’s a big deal to me, seems to take a lot of mystery away in the relationship.
Venus last degree of Taurus, 12th house, widely opposite Neptune .. if I was to ever find someone I felt could know who I was and not just be attached to social image or outer trappings I’d consider marrying .. it was all about the person, if I never meet the person I’ll stay single.
I’m surprisingly good at extricating myself from unsuitable relationships, altho inwardly it takes a long time to recover (they’ll never know cause they’re too obtuse, that Sagg descendant).