Dear Girl,

It sounds to me like this man loved you very much and no doubt, he still does. Because love is love and when it’s real it goes nowhere. But love is a feeling. It does not dictate behavior or timing or anything else. I very much understand you want him with you and why, but you must understand via your faith there are larger considerations and a much grander plan that you have to let it unfold.

I like my sister’s analogy best. She’s a dancer and she equates all of life to a grand ballet. And a long one at that. And she mentioned this to me about 15 years ago and I have thought about it a lot since. And I’ve figured out a few things.

For example, the ballet is the thing. It’s the show as a whole that matters. So you can’t always be dancing with the person you want to be dancing with, in the way you want to be dancing with them. Sometimes you’re not even on stage for an act, or two, or three. And then you’re back out there. You dance with this person then another and then another. And then these other two come back to dance together. You get the idea. You are not the ballet, but part of the ballet. A critical part, as is everyone else but you are not the show.

And this man has done you no harm. And I have to think he has withdrawn for this same reason” to protect you. And as to how he can live in misery… it’s with great difficulty, I’m sure. I am sure he is in intense pain but he is doing what he needs to do. He is dancing his part and he’s doing it with integrity and I think you should do the same.

It’s very simple. You are not on his stage right now because you are not the director of the ballet! Other dancers are dancing and you just need to chill. And have some faith! Because he’s right. If you are meant to dance with this guy again, it will happen and nothing will stop it.

So I’d say, try to relax. And just be glad and grateful this guy came into your life and helped you out of a bad relationship. I think you’ve been gifted.

Good luck.

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