Dear Afraid,

Yes, of course you can be in love forever. As a matter of fact, as far as I am concerned, you can only be in love, forever. I mean if you really love someone, that’s it. It’s not like it stops. “There is no cure for love,” as Leonard Cohen writes and I quite agree. So I don’t think this is the issue. Love is a feeling! And I don’t think this is your struggle.

Your struggle is in fitting into some kind of stereotype. Your struggle is with commitment of a traditional type. And when you get this age (50)….well I think the question you are asking is very appropriate. It’s high time you figure this out and stop trying to jam your foot into a shoe that doesn’t fit! Stop because it hurts others, but more importantly, stop because it hurts you.

Now as a lesbian, you have a double whammy - but this should also make this problem easier for you to solve. You are already non-traditional! So what the hell are you doing when you try to fit your relationships into a heterosexual model in the first place? You know? 1950’s, stay together for the kids? What’s that got to do with you?

You have Jupiter conjunct Venus. You need freedom in relationship. You need to expand. You need to grow. And you need someone who can and will accommodate your nature and when you find this… you’ll be set.

But you aren’t going to find that if you do not communicate with your partner, or your potential partner. And when you’re 20, well that’s one thing. Society tells you what it’s supposed to be. For most, the culture dictates their relationship lives, but for godsakes, at 50 years old you and your partner ought to be able to state what you want and what you need and not only that, provide it for each other!

And your first love? Well if she is looking for some lifelong situation that will feel stagnant to you after a short time, there is no doubt you will wash, rinse and repeat the same scenario that played 30 years ago.

On the other hand, if you’ve both grown up… if you are willing to dump the framework of relationship that didn’t work (and will never work for you) and go forward, “love as an adventure”, why not?

But you get my point. Dump your faÆ’