Well I’m back with an update. My transit is manifesting in many ways, large and small. For example, yesterday the AMF, who is a painter, gave me (another) crash course in color. What is true color, what is gray, etc. This was so I could make better clothing choices. Learning (Saturn) about what looks good on me (Venus)! So that’s a detail. It’s part of a larger picture. He’s been tweaking my appearance for a year, and this has changed my life, but there are several other things of epic proportion going on simultaneously and I thought I’d try to tell you about one of them.

An ex-boyfriend of mine is reading my book right now. The no-name Special Forces man this is. Now my book is about me, and ya’ll know I have Venus square Neptune in my chart. And if you read about Venus with Neptune, at some point you will come across the idea the people with Venus and Neptune in aspect are deceptive and also easily deceived.

Now I’ve mentioned many times I lied about my age when I was a teenager, so I could get a job tending bar and support myself. And my mother too, for that matter. So I met this guy and went absolutely crazy for him. And he was very conservative! And cocky. And know-it-all! And one of the things he thought he knew everything about, was me!

See, he’d grown up outside the US and thought he was a badass with his expanded perspective. He actually was a badass with his expanded perspective however, the assumptions he made about me were almost entirely erroneous and this is where the deception came in. He had a fantasy and I let him have it. Bottom line, I lied to him constantly by omission.

See, he was very dominant in a classic machismo sort of way. So he would tell me the way it was, the way of the world and I’d just smile and cook him some spaghetti. ::laughs::

So this went on and on and on. And of course being as it was his nature, as time passed he knew more and more and more, when in fact he was drifting further from the shore, the shore, the shore…

::snorts::

He’s a Pisces rising, so that’s a joke.

But anyway over time, the lies and omissions became oppressive to me. Because my boyfriend is no longer talking to me, but to a hologram of me. And telling him was out of the question!

Are you kidding? Tell him I’m a liar? No way!!! I have Capricorn. Fear of rejection, people! But besides that, he was just so powerful! That same Venus Neptune had him built into a God. And just as well, because he thought I was some kind of princess. Totally. So what am I supposed to do? Say, “Sorry, maaan. I don’t know who you have me mixed up with, but I’m a piece of shit?” Would you do that?? Well, would you?

Well I decided, NOT! He liked his story very much. Who am I to deprive him of it? So I held up this veil until he left town. For a year and a half! And it was crazy, see. I wouldn’t marry him, but I wouldn’t tell him why, either! I just fairy-dusted the whole thing! It was either that or hit him reality and reality?

Well reality back then was STARK. And he was flying. He was on fire with his passion and his ambition. So who am I to be mucking that up? I did not want to complicate things for him. I did not want to burden him!!

I also didn’t want to be rejected! I felt like a reject but he didn’t know that. He was madly in love with me. What if I cleared up the fog? Would he still love me?

Well, hell yes! I know that now. But back then? Forget about it. There was no way in my wildest dream I thought I was worthy of him. So you start to see what a twisted story this is. We were having the time of our lives! Why screw it up with reality!

And now here we are, decades later and he’s reading my book. And he’s going to find out some of the things I hid from him and I have a total terror about it. I literally have the same feelings now as I had then. Panic! What will he think of me when all the illusion is stripped away? And how textbook is this, for a Saturn (reality) transit to Venus (relationship / love) Neptune (fantasy)? And face your fear, bay-beeee!

And it’s not bad of course. How could this be bad? But it is difficult. On one hand, I would like him to know who I am really. On the other hand, I would just as soon he stay confused! But that’s not what’s going to happen, is it? He has started reading and he will surely finish.

And as bad as it is for me, how would you like to be him? Scorpio Moon and almost two decades in Special Forces and I still flew under his wire? I don’t think he’s going to like this at all.

And on that note…

::runs off to weed out all the wrong-colored clothes from her closet::