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The Son, The Father, The Boyfriend - What To Do?
Dear Elsa,
I was a single mother to an adorable son for the past 4 years. My child’s father and I were involved in a very long relationship that surpassed the six year mark, and was very troublesome.
I just now got myself involved in a very loving relationship with my fiancÆ’
Dear Middle,
I like your heart and I agree with you completely. You are very strong and I hope this support from the outside helps you be even stronger. Since you already know what you want and need to do, I’m just going to shore you up.
I agree you do not throw people away… especially your child’s father because he is not in the best shape today. Today is not tomorrow or next week or next year. And that is his son. He is the father and you are the mother, so everyone else is just going to have to deal.
Your family is going to have to accept and comprehend the fact you are an adult now, and you will run your life according to your innards. You don’t need to be disrespectful though. ‘I appreciate your input, but I have decided to do a, b and c…” And then do it. They’ll adjust. Same with the boyfriend.
Now I understand why and how this is dicey. You’re from a machismo culture and I am sure your new man wants to be rid of all remnants of your old man. He’s the new King. He’s the new rooster. And I forgive him this, to an extent, okay? Because I like machismo-type men, but also because he does not have children, so he is naÆ’
6 Responses to “The Son, The Father, The Boyfriend - What To Do?”
my god Elsa I love your posts.
yes, indeed. Brilliant advice, Elsa, as ever. And I agree it sounds like she knew the answer before she asked the question. Sometimes, though, it helps to have someone else do the shoring.
regardless of whether or not anybody’s crazy about the dad, he is the dad. regardless of the money, kids deserve to be able to develop their own relationships with both parents if it’s possible.
anytime someone is looking outside themselves and their happiness involves what others do, they will be unhappy. it’s easy to get tangled in the anger and get stuck on what is “right” when things are the way they are.
i am married to a man whose kids were kept away from him growing up by the ex. he was, and is, a good dad, but that wasn’t her opinion. regardless, one thing i can tell you without hesitation: those kids are the one that paid for it.
listen to your heart.
like Elsa says, do what you have to do, everyone else will get over it. and I like your heart too!
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Listen to your heart.
You are making the right decisions. Your child may not show it now but he can feel it and eventually, when he is older and understands more, will love you and respect you more for it and reflect it.
Elsa is right, who’s worth it, will see it and stick with you.