Divorcing! Casual Dating? Another Commitment? What to Do? 7th House Saturn, Venus in Virgo, Leo With an Aquarius Moon
Hello Elsa,
My husband and I are in the process of a divorce, and I had told myself that I am not the kind of person to ‘need’ a serious relationship - that I would be just fine to spend the rest of my life single, dating casually. I really cannot envision myself being satisfied with only one person for the rest of my life. Though I wonder if I am deluding myself; I am rarely satisfied with the superficial, and I have such a difficult time with people ‘just passing through’ my life. Do you see anything in my chart that explains these feelings? What would be your advice to reconcile these seemingly opposing forces?
There’s a second part to my question, I recently met a man who on the surface seems ideal for me, and the circumstances under which we met lends an almost ‘fated’ quality, though I am terrified of jumping into anything anytime soon. He is looking for a life-partner. Should I even consider getting involved?
New Divorcee
Dear Divorcee,
Yes your conflict shows up very clearly in your chart. You have Saturn (commitment, serious) tied up with Venus (love relationship) that battles your Venus in Virgo (an unmarried woman) and your Aquarius Moon (Freeeeeeeeeeeeedom!).
So the new man shows up to highlight this conflict. You’re just getting out of a contract and here’s a guy who wants a contract… ::laughs:: And you can see the beauty here, right? It’s called “get to know you!” And I don’t know how you’re going to handle this with this guy or the next or the next, but I do know this is very common problem.
We are all ambivalent around relationships to various degrees. We want the safety that a contained relationship affords, but at the same time, we want to have our options open. For many of us “I do” feels like a death, but no one tells you that when you’re young.
Instead, conventional “everything” is presented as if it is the only path, which is why so many people wind up living lives that feel just miserable to them. It’s because they are like you. Or they are like me. They have a queer shaped foot that not just any shoe is going to fit!!
So I think you are on the path towards coming to terms with your situation which makes it possible to resolve it. You want freedom and commitment, for chrissakes. And so what? This is okay. It better be, because there are legions of us out there who feel similar.
And if you make this conscious and learn to articulate your feelings to your partners or potential partners, you may be very surprised to find they have similar challenge and at that point you can start to innovate. You can work to structure (Saturn) your relationship (Venus) in a way that gives you both freedom and security. You’re committed, but live in separate houses. Or you’re committed, but Thursdays are “Independence day” and you both go out to run amok. You’re committed, but short term. 3 months and the see if you want to re-up. You get the idea…
Good luck.
~~
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10 Responses to “Divorcing! Casual Dating? Another Commitment? What to Do? 7th House Saturn, Venus in Virgo, Leo With an Aquarius Moon”
This is SO true. I didn’t used to understand “open” relationships and still probably wouldn’t want one myself. But one of my best friends recently re-married and the new woman wanted an open relationship. He agreed. I worried about him. But just recently we talked and he said that there is full committment to their relationship and their “US” But just knowing that he could meant that the pressure was off. He was less likely to cheat, fool around, or even want to because he had permission to and she had permission to. There is no longer any curiosity or thrill associated with that. We’ll see how their relationship is in 10 years but so far he’s much happier and healthier than I’ve ever seen him!
I’m not saying this is a solution for everyone. What interested me was the psychology. Ok you can have a cookie, well then maybe I don’t want another cookie. LOL If it works for them, I’m happy for them 
Ohhhh I love the six month review. My mom does a version of that with her husband. It reminds me of the couple that had a contract that EVERYTHING was negotiated in their marriage and put on paper. They both signed it. They had things in there for who cooked on what days and who did the dishes, how much sex would be provided, etc. etc. Personally I couldn’t do that! But they have a happy working marriage because they were totally up front with each other about expectations and abilities to provide needs and companionship within a marriage and a household. Again, not for everyone, but hey, there are other ways of doing it out there. Wishing you happiness and growth in your life! 
*grins* I’m so happy I’m reading this sort of thing while I’m young. Like so many people I was raised with the expectation of the “everything” you’re talking about, and it never did sound quite right to me.
-K
Yeah, I loved this interpretation too.
I can understand intellectually the appeal, and the *need*, for nontraditional relationships. But, emotionally, they make no sense to me. I’m a very one-person kinda chick, and I expect my partner to be the same - once we’ve agreed upon monogamy, that is. Before then it’s all fair game!
I hope you find what you need, Divorcee!
I married at 22 and tried to be the traditional wife. I never was even tempted to cheat, but I was so shut down in that relationship. I can’t imagine myself ever going back to a rigidly structured partnership.
Hmm…..people sure are different…
I am 27yrs and have been single for the last few years which I have thoroughly enjoyed. I am now ready for a ‘normal’ healthy loving relationship…I believe if more people gave themself the time they needed to mature and grow and not rushed into a relationship they wouldn’t feel the need to do it inside a relationship and therefore need to alter it to ‘fit it all in’……relationships require energy….why try to live everything at once..?
SaDiablo, you can be monogamous and be in a non-traditional relationship too. Non-traditional does not just apply to the sexual side of the relationship…
about the latter question why don’t you consider it.. be honest about what you really want and if he doesn’t like the idea… well.. just drop him off.. but then, there is the possibility that romantic sparks may develop between the two of you and totally change your perspective in relationships…. anyway.. i suggest you go to webdatedotcom or wealthymendotcom if it is just casual dating you are looking for, a lot of really nice guys.. although i have to warn you some guys there are looking for a serious relationship as well.. good luck!
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