Airplane follies? Yeah. Okay, I’ll tell you what happened.

I was seated next to this business guy. You know. A suit. Now at the time, I thought his clothing indicated he was important, but you know that didn’t stop me. I turned to him and started babbling. I told him it was my first time on a plane and stuff. I don’t think he was sure about that at first but believe me, I convinced him eventually.

He started out kind of irritated and with cause. Because I was really excited about this experience and I had lots to say. I was chattering the way I do, and it must have seemed a bit of an assault. But eventually I had him pretty amused. I told him I was going to Michigan to get laid, for example.

Now I know this is commonplace with the Internet these days, but back then it innovative and eventually he became engrossed in my story.

“Where in Michigan?” he asked.

I held up my hand, the way my boyfriend had showed me and pointed near the tip
my index finger, facing my thumb. “Here,” I said.

“Oh. Well it’s nice up there.”

“Right. That’s what he says,” I beamed.

“Does he want you to move there? To be with him? Does he want to marry you?”

“Yeah. Yes he does,” I said. “I think so.”

“Are you going to marry him?”

“I don’t know. That’s what I’m finding out. I’ve never been there. Right now, I’m just going to get laid and look around. And then, I’ll see. I mean, how am I supposed to know if I want to live there or not? I have to go there and see how it is.”

He looked at me oddly. “Well if you love him, and you want to marry him, then you will have to go to where he is.”

“No I won’t. Why can’t he move to where I am? It’s cold in Michigan, right? He doesn’t like it. That’s why he comes to the desert every winter. So maybe he can just move there forever.”

“What if he doesn’t like the desert heat?”

“Well we don’t know, do we? We don’t know if he likes the heat, or if I like the cold. But we like to screw, for sure!” I said, laughing. He laughed too.

“So you’re going to Michigan to screw some man?” he asked.

“Right! That’s what I said.”

“So you did,” he nodded. “So you did. Well it sounds like he has some money. Maybe you can live in Michigan in the summer and spend the winter in the desert.”

I nodded back. I hadn’t thought of that. I hadn’t thought of living two places, or about whether or not my boyfriend had money. I had so many problems with my own money; I never worried about other people’s. It was outside my scope. Everyone had more money than me. I knew that and it was of no consequence.

“Yeah!” I said. “Hey. That’s a good idea. Um…I have to pee.” I laughed.

But I’ll tell you something. I didn’t really have to pee. I wanted to pee. I wanted to see a plane restroom, actually, just because I was there. I was on a plane and I just wanted to see all the sights.

“Er… They’re in the back,” he said. “Can you find them?”

“I don’t know. I think so. Are they hidden? Is it tricky?” I asked with a snort.

He chuckled. “No. There are signs,” he said smiling.

“Okay, good. I’ll follow them!” I said.

Well, I’ll tell you, the whole thing intrigued me. I thought it was sort of a puzzle and as I walked towards the back of the plane, it happened. A habit of a lifetime formed.

I never fly anywhere without using the restroom on the plane because it hit me on the way that afternoon, that I was moving while I was moving and I thought this the coolest phenomena going. I still think this, and I never miss a chance to experience this sensation but anyway, I found the restroom with no trouble.

So I was sitting in there with my skirt up and thinking, “If my friends could see me now”. That and reading. You know. I was reading all the little signs. I was absorbing and this is when it happened. Someone barged in on me.

Oh fuck!

They pulled the door shut with a slam, but not before I caught a glimpse of a man in white shirt, who shouted to me, “You’re supposed to lock the door!”

Oh fuck. Uh…never mind. I already said that, didn’t I?

So I was just sitting on the toilet there, mortified. Was he right? Was it my fault? And then I saw it. The door instructions were right there. They were right there on the knob at eye level. Oh brother. The guy was right. I felt like such a putz. He didn’t walk in to me! I was as supposed to lock the door. Crap!

Well, I was so embarrassed, I thought about staying in there forever which of course would not work, so I clutched it up and left the restroom blushing.

I walked back to my seat with my eyes straight ahead so I would not see the man who saw me, but you know what happened don’t you?

Right. It was my seatmate that walked in on me. And believe me; I’d have never known this if he did not explain door-locking to me when I sat down. I’d have never recognized him, because to me at the time?

Well all those white business guys look alike. Everyone knows that.