Here’s another story about Kay (a real person with a fake name) - a double Aquarius gal I used to run with.

We were out for the evening downtown, which is a walking around situation. You park the car and walk from here to there and everywhere. Kay had to pee so we stopped into a little bar we’d never been in before, and made our way through it to the restrooms in the back.

It was a small place, both the bar and the restroom. In fact, it was a one-seater in there, so she went in, while I waited outside restroom door… and got talking to a man standing nearby who was great distress.

Now I’m not kidding. His sky was really falling and it was comical to me because he was very theatrical. He was so theatrical it occurred to me he may be doing some kind of drama class assignment. You know. He was telling me he was in big, big trouble because of this one event. He was frightened that because of this one thing had happened; many other horrible things were going to occur, sort of like dominos falling.

Wanna know his problem? His car wouldn’t start.

Yeah, that was it. That was his problem. Or maybe it was his friend’s car, but whatever the details, he was in high distress. And he had to be about 27-28 years old so this was especially humorous to me.

“Do you need a jump?” I asked. “I have cables.”

“Cables?”

“Yeah.”

“You know how to do that?” he asked. “You know how to start a car with those? Where to put them and stuff?”

I laughed. “Yeah. Are you kidding? Where’s your car?”

“You’re gonna help me?” he asked. He was flabbergasted.

“Of course! My friend has to pee and then we’ll give you a jump. Where’s your car?”

He said it was right outside in the parking lot. He reminded me it wouldn’t start. You know. This was his problem. He thought I might have misunderstood.

I laughed. “I know. That’s okay. We can get it started.” I told him my car was parked a few blocks away. “I’ll have to go get it,” I said. ‘When my friend gets out of there,” I added, pointing at the restroom door.

“You’ll do that? You’ll go get your car?”

“Of course. I’m not going to leave you here needing a jump, for chrissakes.”

He shook his head. Actually his head quivered on his neck. He looked like he’d won the lottery or something. He looked as if he’d be willing to kiss my ring if that’s what it would take.

Kay came out of the restroom. “We have to go get the car,” I said. “This guy needs a jump.”

“Great!” she said happily. “We were looking for something to do,” she said with an enormous grin.

The guy stepped back from us. He thought we were weird, but what could he do? He was desperate.

I told him to go to his car and wait. He reminded me where he was parked.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Don’t worry. Just wait for us. I’ll you tell what. We’ll run. How about that? We’ll run and get the car. What’d you think, Kay? Do you mind running to the car, so this guy doesn’t have to worry?”

“Well usually I would mind that,” she said. “But for him? He’s pretty cute. I’ll do it.”

I roared. “Okay then. We’ll be there and we’ll be there fast. Go wait. And don’t worry, okay?”

We got the car, pulled around and into the parking lot. We got there fast, but he was standing next to another man and they are both fretting anyway. I thought they were kind of precious. I was driving. Kay popped out of the car.

“Pop the hood!” She said.

“Uh… do you know how to do that?” one of then asked.

She didn’t miss a beat. “Well yes I do, young man! I used to live on a farm!”

I started to laugh. Kay had not been on a farm since she was five or six years old. She got the hood up and the men were amazed. They were oohing and ahhhing and I was laughing so hard my chest hurt. Kay got busy hooking up the cables.

“What are you boys out doing tonight anyway?” she asked.

They explained they had just seen the new Van Damme movie….and then we got a full critique.

Kay opened her mouth to an O like this: :-0 - I snorted laughing.

“Elsa, I think these boys are gay!” she said with a wink and a big grin.

“Well, we are gay” said boy number two. “How did you know?”

I was laughing way too hard to speak. Kay answered, “No reason. I’m pretty good at guessing things. You can learn all kinds of stuff on a farm. Don’t worry. We like gay men. I guess you can tell that, huh?”

They took a step back in tandem and I almost choked, laughing.

“Have either of you ever been on a farm?” she said?

No response.

With the cables connected, I asked them to turn the key.

“Nothing is going to explode?” the first boy asked.

“No…it’s okay. We know what we’re doing.” I said.

Kay bent her arm to show her muscles. These guys were TOTALLY BUFF where she was not, so it was especially funny. The engine roared to life and the two boys cheered. Kay unhooked the cables, and slammed the hood of the car down firmly.

“Well that’s it! Let’s get these boys on the road!” she said.

On that, I feel out of driver’s side seat, on to the pavement, to sit with my head in my hands laughing. The boys drove off, giving a honk and wave at the edge of the parking lot.

Kay looked over at me. “We ain’t gonna top that tonight, Elsa. Let’s go home.”