Dear Confused,

You’re a twenty year old double Pisces and it’s time you get hip to some things. Namely that you are not other people, and other people are not you.

See, Pisces is famous for what? They are famous for transcending. They are famous for their lack of boundaries, and they are famous for being confused.

Understanding this, re-read your post up there? Can you see what’s happened? You had a conflict with your friend. You transcended it. Then you became confused when our friend did not do same! So that’s the first thing. Get to know you! Secondly, get to know your friend.

Here’s what I know about him or her. She does not transcend as easily as you do! Got that? So if you value this friend, you are going to have to deal with her as an individual who acts and reacts differently than you do.

And in this case, you are dealing with Leo, so you probably have bruised your friend’s ego somehow. You’re going to have to address that. Like going in front of the queen and saying “I’m sorry… I don’t know what got into me when I farted in front of you.”

And the queen, being benevolent and all, will very likely forgive you and life goes on.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Thanks for the all the thoughtful comments on the pain blog. I love when that happens on this blog. Amber asked a couple questions. She asked about self-inflicted pain which strains my brain to consider at the moment but she also asked about alchemizing pain which I think is my forte. But I wouldn’t know how to lecture. All I can do is tell a story.

This week, and this weekend…well my pain is frequently very fine. It’s extreme but exquisite. It’s artful even, the circumstances that set up in my life on a routine basis. I just have to marvel.

Er… I have a constant “baseline” pain in my life that is set to a very high level. This is because my daughter is very ill. She suffers tremendously and since I am her mother, I suffer in tandem. And I can (and do) use various techniques, like detachment to cope whenever I can, but fact is the situation exists and it what it is.

So I live in this world with all the parents who do not have a sick child and I feel that every day. I am isolated with my child. I am outsider, and this creates pain that is very complex. The pain is deep and wide and high and low…it’s inside and out and all around and it’s hard for people to understand. They can’t internalize my experience, I mean. And her problem has proven very hard to treat (more pain) and her prognosis cloudy at best (more pain). And all this impacts my son in ways that are profound, creating more pain…and that right there, describes my baseline pain.

So what do you think? Think that’s enough for one mother? Well, it’s not.

See, I play cards. Or at least I used to. And I don’t have just one card. I have at least a hand…and more like a whole deck of cards. And many of them are volatile! So I’m going along on a Monday or a Tuesday and wham! The weather changes and it starts pouring rain.

For example, this weekend one of my oldest friends was suffering tremendously. He was suffering to a degree only a Scorpio moon can appreciate. And I happened to find out about it.

I called him for a chat, but no. I found him in this horrific state. He stayed on the phone for five minutes, as long as he could bear, and let me know his circumstance and then *click.

I was walking at the time and what could I do? I kept walking. But now I had to think about my friend. About his life, and my life alongside his. And how it was ending up (not good). And I have loved him for 20 years, so how do you think that feels? And what am I going to do with these feelings, hmm?

Because I can’t fix the problem. And I can’t deny the impact on me… the pain I feel knowing the pain he is in. So what the fuck?

And of course it’s never this simple if you’re me. It’s always multi-pronged pain. There’s the baseline pain, this new pain and the pain from another issue I was out walking in an attempt to process in the first place! Get it? Pain cubed! ::laughs:: So what am I going to so? I better do something, eh? Obviously.

So I have this blog. And I have the ability to read a chart and the ability to communicate my thoughts to at least some degree, so this is what I do with my pain.

I come home and I open my mailbox. There are people in pain in there and I think,” Oh yeah. I understand this.” And I try to help them the very best I can, along with the other people who read here and know how to hitchhike. And when I do that, some of my pain spins off. And this is what it means, the phrase, “Serve or suffer”. I don’t like to suffer.

And although I am an extreme case…this serve or suffer thing is a major focus for me, everyone can benefit from helping others. Seriously, if you’re feeling like shit…if you are feeling low, there is nothing in the world that will bring you up faster than extending yourself to another human being.

I made the news again on John Townley’s site, Astrococktail. He and his wife, Susan have a great site there. This news thing they do is completely unique. They update nearly daily with interesting links that are often pretty obscure. This is hell of a service and I appreciate their work.

They have a variety of other offerings. Articles, reviews, a printable aspect calendar, etc. It’s well worth poking around over there and I cop to being pleased and even smug when linked on their site….for a BDSM post, no less.

Thanks Susan and John!

Dear Venus,

Aw, this sucks. I feel so bad for you. Listen to me, please. You are 23 years old and you’ve got to get your sex life back. You can not let this bastard - whoever it was who abused you - cheat you of one of the primary pleasures in life. And the sooner the better, especially considering the fact you are a Scorpio rising with an 8th house Mars.

Now that describes a very sexual person. This is true regardless of what happened to you. Do you understand? You were born a sexual person. You are supposed to be a sexual person, blah, blah, blah. So do you want to allow this person who abused you to hijack your life? Of course not. I think you ought to fight.

And it may interest you to know that sex and fighting are Mars ruled. That means if I can get you mad… if I can get you pissed off over the idea this bastard has derailed your life… your anger might very well inspire you to fight, which will automatically jumpstart your Mars - your sex drive.

Now I could stop right there and be safe but I am Elsa and I am reckless, so I’m going to tell you more. With an 8th house Mars, there is an interest in “taboo”. And there are parts of your chart that want to say “EEK!” to that. You know. You want to be detached. Or you want to be high minded, in control and so forth.

Well, that’s fine. But if you do not explore this other side yourself… if you cut yourself off from your own sexual energy, I’ll tell you what’ll happen. It’ll turn on you. The energy is there and it needs expression. It needs an outlet. And if you want to understand this plain as day, then look outside yourself.

Imagine a child (or any person for that matter) with one of limbs bound up in some fashion. Can you picture that? One arm strapped behind their back. Over time, what do you think that’s going to do to that person? To their body and their mind and their soul? Don’t you think it would compromise the whole? I do. And do you want to suffer like that just because of some bastard? I don’t think so. I think you should fight for your life.

And the best way to fight is how? By being aggressive. By taking charge! So how about you get yourself really pissed off about this, then get on top of your man and screw him like you never have before. I’m serious. Get on top him and feel your power. Take back your power… and while you’re at it, yelling would be good too. Come on, hon. Fuck the bastard abuser! Take back the night, as they say. Release your demons via sex. Get yourself free and don’t look back.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Speaking of pain and that last artist post…I’ve had a personal crisis over the week or ten days. Maybe you’ve noticed I’ve not been posting so frequently and the freakish struggle I’m having behind the scenes is why.

Now it’s not that big a deal for me to have a crisis, because I have them all the time. I have a life that is full to overflowing with intense trauma and at this stage of my life, I can’t say that I care. I quite like being me and I could not be me…I would not be me, if even one shred of my life was changed.

So anyway, I was talking to my editor on the phone this week. He’s a close friend and I was in a state of shock at the time, post acute trauma.

“I’m sure this is good for me,” I said. “I will do something good with this. I’m sure it will benefit me, I just don’t know how yet,” I explained.

I can’t remember exactly how he responded, but I know he was somewhat incredulous I would say something like that in the state I was in. A couple days later, I was talking to someone else and better able to articulate my feelings about this:

“I don’t want a life without pain. I have no interest in avoiding pain. I will take the pain! How else can I do my job? If people write and they are in pain, how am I going to be able to respond if I am not willing to feel? If I stay in my head about these problems and try to write, I will have nothing to say. It would be completely worthless. And I like feeling things. I like being compassionate. I like feeling things, period. And as far as I am concerned, there’s no reason for me to be on this planet if I am not going to feel pain and channel it, considering this is how I’m strung and what I am supposed to do…”

So what about you? How do handle pain?

Do you feel it? Do you seek it out? Or do you medicate it and try to avoid it at all costs?

~ skip to Pain - Redux

~~
pictured - Pluto, Agostino Carracci, 1557

Dear Artist,

Actually, I do see something keeping your from the sun and the fun. It’s your nature. Fact is, you’re not a yippy-skippy kind of guy. You’re a dreamer (Pisces) with depth (Pluto). And I don’t have an answer to that, other than I think you are fine the way you are. And when you get to this age (thirties), it’d be nice if you could get to a place where you agree with me. So this is the tack I’m going to take with your post.

You’re obviously a sensitive, deep thinking and feeling sort. It’s sweet. It’s special. And you are a hard-worker who perseveres. And it makes me think of any number of movies I have seen… profiles of painters. Edvard Munch, Van Gogh, etc. They are all so tortured. Their lives are not very good!! They are constantly yearning. They are disappointed. Their pain is pretty much continuous, yet they remain on this very difficult path. Why? Because it’s who they are!

And they grace the rest of us. As do you. Your post today graces my blog. People will read your words. Some of them will understand them. And they will feel for you, for themselves, and for humanity. And this will not get you your dream job, but…

Even if you landed your dream gig tomorrow, you will not feel “sun and fun”. Because you will still be you. You will still be searching, reaching, trying, yearning. People will still like you. You will still like them… not so much. You will still feel as if you are in a “holding pattern” because this is who you are and how you are - and is that so bad?

Is it bad to be deep? I don’t think so. Would you like to be a veneer? Here’s a story.

I was watching CNN once, during some kind of crisis. Oh! It was when the DC snipers were loose. Anyway, one of the on-camera guys was interviewing someone… some cop I guess and this cop was a big guy. He was tall. The newsman on the other hand was short. Very short! So he was standing there, with his arm all the way extended to reach the taller man’s mouth, and he looked distressed. He looked just stressed out of his mind.

Cut to commercial and back to the interview. All the sudden the newsman is now not just as tall as the cop, he’s taller! ::laughs:: He must have made them get him a bucket to stand on, I guess. ::smiles:: And he had this smug look on his face, like “I’m tall now, you motherfuckers”.

So think about that. He’s got a big career, but look at the insecurity!! What’s a bastard like that going to do when his hairline recedes, hmm??

So with that in mind, re-read your post. I think you will see a sketch of confident, secure and solid man who is painfully aware of his limitations and the limitations of others, i.e. the people who do not keep their promises. One man is a man. The other man is an embarrassment. And based on this, maybe you can see what I mean. You’re good the way you are.

Try to release your pain. Channel it into your art. Because it will always, always, always be part of you. And if you can understand and embrace this… if you can learn to celebrate it rather than trying to get to a feeling state that will never exist for you (and may not exist at all), I think you’ll see things ease. You’re an artist, maaan. I’m sorry.

Good luck.
~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

~~
pictured - The Scream, 1893, Edvard Munch

Dear Wire,

Yes, you can absolutely harness the energy because it yours. The idea it is coming from outside of you is false. That’s a mind trick - and one you need to overcome, if you want to get on top this.

See, your Sun in Pisces and your Moon in Virgo are part of a T-square with Mars. And this is a configuration with tremendous energy… of the raw male/anger type. And it is apparent from your post that you are identifying with the yin parts of this, and denying the Mars.

Like this: your Pisces Sun absorbs. Your Virgo Moon wants to be productive. The other energies (Mars) you claim come from outside you. In other words, you are a victim (Pisces) who wants to do good (Virgo). And that’s fine.

But guess what you need to defend yourself? Mars. And what about being productive? That’s Mars too! Mars is your “get up and go.” How can you get anything done if you don’t act? Mars is about action!

So here’s my advice: give up the idea that you are fired upon, because it’s not real. Instead get comfortable with the fact you own a gun - a big one - and force yourself to learn how to use it.

See, all that stuff you unleash on the innocent? That’s you shooting your gun all over the place. And when you do that, who’s the victim, hmm?

Think of it as three points in a triangle. Virgo, Pisces, and Mars in Gemini. AKA, you, you and you.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

Dear Path,

You can’t get anyone to do anything. All people do whatever they want, but this is especially true for Taurus, the most stubborn sign in the zodiac! So in regards to turning this guy, well picture this: imagine a bull in a field. He’s just standing there, for the most part. Maybe he’s swinging his tail to keep the flies off. But only as necessary! Mostly he’s just chewin’ the grass. And then you come along.

And what do you want? You want him to climb up a hill and look out over the horizon. You want him to dance around a teepee, but so? What’s the horizon got to do with him? He’s happy in his field, yes?

“But come away with me!” you say. “Come to these exotic places!” you cajole him.

He just stares at you with his big brown eyes, waiting for you to understand. Understand that he’s not going anywhere. If you want to run around to and fro… well you go right ahead. That’s your life. But it’s not his!

So this is where you’re at. You will not get this man to do anything… unless he damn well pleases. And if he ever pleases, I doubt it will be soon. So based on this, you have choices.

If you love him where he is, the way he is, that’s fine. Otherwise, you need another man.

Good luck.

~~
Have a question? Need advice? Ask here!

So last night, we met for dinner. Thai food, which is “home” for Kathy.

“Well, you definitely act just like a man,” I said. “It amazes me. Going out with you is just like going out with a man. A good man, though.”

“How’s that, Elsie?” she said with her Kathy-grin.

I clenched my fists in a body builder pose and mimicked her voice. “You’re comin’ with me, Elsie! I’m takin’ you out!” I barked. “We’re goin’ somewhere!”

She roared.

“And you called me today,” I said. “Like setting up a date. Are we still going out, you asked. Well yeah, I said. And you said, Okay! I’ll call you back and tell you where we going.”

We both laughed.

“But it’s not like you’re a lousy man. You’re a good one. Thoughtful. Unless you think of somewhere you want to go, you said. See? I can have a vote. If there is somewhere I want to go, that’s fine, but otherwise you’re going to take care of this. And I am going to let you! Because from my perspective, why bother? You’ve got this hard-on so I may as well relax and let you do your thing.”

She roars. “I have a hard-on?” she asked.

“Well, yeah. And we get in here (the restaurant) and what do you do? “Let me help you order, Elsie. Let me do this for you. And I’m sitting over here, thinking what the fuck? So you order. And I let you. Go ahead, Kathy. Figure it out. Fix me up. And I just sit here…”

She laughs her ass off.

“And believe me, if I were sitting here with anyone but you, I would order my own food, you know. I know how to order food, Kathy…”

She banged the table with her hand and laid her head down, choking on her laughter, so I moved in for the kill.

“And what about outside? We meet in the parking lot and what did you say?”

“What?” she asked, poised to laugh at herself.

I raised my voice to a Kathy-squeal. “Oh, Elsie!” I said screechingly. “Look at your toes! You painted your toes red,” I said.

She snorted.

“Just like a man! Don’t you know that’s what men do? It is! When they’re on a date, they always find something about you. The ones that get laid do, anyway. They find something to like about your appearance and they say something. Oh honey! Your hair looks so good. Is that a new broach?”

At this point, she’s got her head laying on the table, heaving with laughter. Her whole body is convulsing. Mine too.

“They try to notice something about your appearance. They act just like you. So anyway, Kathy, yes. As far as I am concerned, you’re a man…”

After dinner, she orders dessert and proceeds to wolf it down.

Being girlish, I defer as if thinking, “Dessert? Who me? No, thanks. Everyone knows it goes straight to your hips…”

The End

Dear Girlfriend,

Your man is a PREDATOR. Try to let that sink in.

You have stumbled on this, and you have stumbled on that. But what makes you think you have stumbled across everything there is to stumble across, especially when you are what you call “naÆ’