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Am I Doomed? Jealous Scorpio Moon with Pluto In Scorpio Wants To Know: Part Two
Need to catch up? Part one.
Need to catch up
Okay - to combat your feelings of unworthiness, you are going to have to use your mind. You are going to have to come to terms with the fact that your psyche turns on you. And when you feel sub-human, the people around you are not part of this equation. And I will tell you a story about my friend Ben, to illustrate.
Ben is a cellist and I remember the first time he played to a standing ovation. Think he liked it? He didn’t! He almost fainted. He stood as the people clapped and felt as if he was dying. He wanted to puke. He wanted to be anywhere but where he was and did the audience know this? Of course not.
Ben was supposed to go to the after party and get his accolades. Fat chance of that! He slipped out the back that night with his heart pounding. He drove home as fast as he could, went inside, locked the door, shut the windows and unplugged the phone.
He stayed like that for a few days, feeling “not fit for human consumption”. And would anyone have agreed with him about that? Of course not. People love Ben. He is charismatic as hell.
And this is what I am trying to get you to see. Because I really don’t think you will ever lose these feelings. You will have to accept them as part of your landscape, but you can certainly limit the damage they do. And my friends and I can help. Because we are twenty plus years older than you, and have learned to contain this stuff to an extent. We do the best we can, and I am happy to tell you how.
Ben and my man (who I may as well introduce… The AMF, which stands for “The Appealing Motherfucker) both isolate. They try not to “get it on anyone.”
I keep moving while I wait for it to pass. Sometimes I communicate. Sometimes I write about how I am feeling, but what all three of us have learned is that no matter what you do, you don’t want to feed this stuff. And I will use Ben as an example.
That first standing ovation left him reeling. It left him feeling like he wished he could die. And he had to deal with his feelings, but he did not have to exacerbate them, did he?
He did not have to fuel the feelings by telling himself the people who witnessed this (the audience who heard him play that night) were all disgusted too! He didn’t have to imagine they went home vowing to avoid Benjamin like the plague from that day forward - and further, call their friends! You know. To talk about him. To discuss his worminess…
Because what would happen if he did that? It would increase everything. And isn’t it bad enough as it is? Well he’s in the dark unable to surface, so yeah. I think that’s bad enough.
Are you getting the idea here? Some of this stuff is organic to you. Some of it you are manufacturing… and you need to find where that line is and stay on this side of it.
And I’m not suggesting this is an easy thing to do, but I do think I can motivate you to try like a motherfucker. And that’ll be tomorrow’s blog.
To be continued.
~~
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7 Responses to “Am I Doomed? Jealous Scorpio Moon with Pluto In Scorpio Wants To Know: Part Two”
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Man, I had some comments, but they all seemed lame. Instead, I’ll wait for further wisdom.
*passes around the popcorn*
This is organic to my friend too. These insights are fantastic: on how to love a scorp.
Hmm.. I’ve had feelings of feeling subhuman, I have an 8th house pluto, and scorpio on the MC, I wonder if that justifies it.
I always thought it would be lack of self esteem, from saturn opposing my sun and mercury.But it comes and goes, and it is irrational.
This is interesting. Will you tell us why pluto energy would make people feel subhuman?
~being heavily Scorp-influenced, is listening attentively~
~thanks SaDiablo for the popcorn~
~tops up everyone’s drink~
“Will you tell us why pluto energy would make people feel subhuman?”
Pluto is the god of the underworld.
The Scorpion is an arachnid, an ancient, premammalian life form.
Energy doesn ‘make’ anyone anything, it increases the awareness of the broad spectrum of reality.
Scorpio is represented by some of the deepest and most ancient symbols of the zodiac, and is one of the first recognized constellations. In many cultures the sky used to be divided into halves, not 12 zodiac contellations. They were Man(Orion -the Hunter) and Beast (The Scorpion). The battle shifted back and forth through the seasons as each ruled the night sky. (there is also a secret depth/challenge to Gemini[Man], like Scorpio, which is a little long for a blog comment - hint, Gemini is the 8th house of Scorpio)
Scorpio is also represented by other animals, depending on who you talk to, you may hear the Lizard, Snake, Eagle and Dove. Birds evolved from reptiles, so this makes more sense than you might think. On occasion the mythical Sphinx pops up.
Pluto, god of the underworld is also a god of wealth. The dead and riches are a part of his realm. In the alchemical process of transformation, a process of separating the shit from the shine is needed. Anything underground, including corpses are - subhuman.
No matter how ‘evolved’ a Scorpio is, life will always present more opportunities to purify the rotting matter from the wealth of gold (material, emotional or spiritual). The beast is always there, as it is in all of us (Everyone has these symbols in the chart), but some of us are ‘majoring’ in the energy.
Part of the reason the feelings of subhumanity are so difficult is because they are often reactions to conditions of powerlessness or being out of control. It is the illusion of control, and the posession of power that are most satisfying to Scorpio. One of the reasons Aquarian and Gemini engery can be so attractive and annoying to Scorpio is because of the *human*itarian energies they carry.
Thank you CC, that’s fascinating!
“One of the reasons Aquarian and Gemini engery can be so attractive and annoying to Scorpio is because of the *human*itarian energies they carry.”
Pearl! (Thank you CC!)