That First Meeting

I was in a quiet panic. I thought about dashing out, but no. I said I was going to do this, so damn it I was going to do it. My sister wanted a full report, so I told myself to calm down. The meeting will start soon; I thought to console myself as I waited. I imagined myself in a movie theatre waiting for the lights to go down so I could relax and eat my popcorn.

Time was slow, but it passed and the meeting started. There was no one on either side of me, or even in my row for that matter, which was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing, because I was in no condition to chat. A curse because I wondered if I was being shunned or something. You know. No one wanted to sit next to me because it was so obvious I wasn’t hip! Hey! Who let her in here?

If you’ve been reading awhile you may think this doesn’t sound like me, but it was real. I had a heavy-duty Neptune transit at the time and was splayed out all over the place. It was just like this, all of the time. It was a Neptune transit to my Capricorn, dissolving my defense. I was walking around, without an edge. I was at the mercy of tides I couldn’t see and constantly morphing with my environment. Oh well.

They opened the meeting, commenting about the new faces which prompted all forty people in the room to turn and look at me. My face was hot, and I imagine I smiled helplessly.

They passed a clipboard around. They wanted new people to sign in. “They”, refers to the woman running the meeting, who sounded like the teacher talking in a Peanuts cartoon. You know. Blah, Blah, Blah that reverberates from the front of the room while Charlie Brown struggles to comprehend.

I understood what she was saying, but it wasn’t really words. She asked that new people leave their name and address if they wanted to receive club mailings. Something like that. They also asked for birth data. “If you want to leave it,” she added.

The clipboard got to me and I felt this guy behind me strain to read what I was writing. Oh man. I was being observed. Crap! I wanted to make a good impression. I was there to make friends, remember?

I wrote my name slowly and carefully because I was buying time. I was trying to decide if I wanted to leave my data or not. Hmmm… What’s the cool thing to do? I wondered. I had no idea. It’s anybodies guess what cool people do if you’re me, so I opted not to, mostly because the guy behind me was so keen for it. Fuckin’ Scorpio.

The clipboard was being passed to the back of the room, so I turned to hand it to the peeper back there and he grabbed it in hungry style.

Noting I’d left the birth data slot blank, he whispered, “You forgot your birth data.” He pointed to the spot I left blank, in case I was stupid. “Right here,” he said.

“Yes. I know,” I whispered back with a stupid smile. “Thank you,” said my Libra.

My Libra is truly full of shit. I smiled again. And it was okay. It was one on one, which was really my forte.

“Are you sure you don’t want to leave your data?” he asked. “We don’t do anything with it. Well, sometimes we read each other’s charts, but only if someone wants…”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks.”

I turned around, wondering if I was rude and thinking he was, considering the gal in front was still running the meeting. Shouldn’t we be listening to her? Logic said yes, but I didn’t really know. I’d never been to a club before. I hadn’t spent much time in “town” in general.

“Suit yourself”, he said from behind me.

Trying to be attentive to the speaker, I didn’t respond.

I don’t remember much of what was discussed at this first meeting. It was so unreal to be in a room of people who embraced astrology. Between that, the anticipation of coming, and the Neptune transit, I was feeling pretty high.

I made it through the ninety minute meeting without talking. There was some discussion and several times the leader looked to me, eager to give me an opportunity to talk. I responded by averting my eyes, because I had no voice. How do you talk with your stomach in your throat?

I was relieved when the meeting ended. I was proud too. I’d made it through without disaster and I’d managed not to bolt. I noted people were congregating in small groups, but I got up quickly and headed straight for the door.

Guess who meets me at my car?

“Right. The guy sitting behind me. He explained he was an officer of the club. He was getting some papers or something from his van…

Yeah right. ::laughs::

He implored me to come back in. He said he would introduce me to everyone, but I couldn’t do it. I just couldn’t gather myself. I was having a big problem with this Neptune stuff. I felt like a puddle, so I begged off. But I did tell him I would be back for the next meeting.

“Are you going to join us? Are you going to join the group?” he asked.

“Um…” I’d never joined anything in my life. What’s that like anyway? “I don’t know. I don’t really know,” I said.

I was glad he was talking to me. He seemed nice. It was as if he was willing to sponsor me into the group and I appreciated this. I also thought he wanted a date. Just a hunch. When a man chases you out to your car, it is usually his dick leading him, right?

I wasn’t sure if I was interested in him or not, but the idea of dating an astrologer was pretty amusing. That’d be something new. But I still wanted to get the hell out of there.

He offered to read my chart for me and that was pretty cool. No one outside my family had ever read my chart and I was kind of fascinated with the prospect so he was holding my phone number when I drove away.

To be continued.

skip to part three…