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Astrology of Relationships: Synastry vs Composite Charts, Mars Square Mars, Grand Crosses and Other Frights: Part Two
Need to catch up? Part one
So on that last deal, I had a terrific time getting out of that relationship and believe me, this is not my MO. I am as slippery as they come! I am like Houdini with a jet ski waiting outside, but I couldn’t find a way out of that relationship to save my life, up until the time I did. And I don’t know what to tell you besides, I’ve been happy since and I think I’ve learned my lesson.
Because take a look at the composite of my current relationship. (below) See how pretty that is? See all that GREEEEEN. Those are easy aspects. And you know what? I can’t get out of this relationship either.
“Why would you want out?” the other astrologer asked.
Well, I wouldn’t. I’d have to be an insane person to leave the relationship I’m in now. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have freedom urges. It doesn’t mean I don’t notice when I caught in something, even when it’s good! I am me!
But the point I want to make is that a composite chart like this… or the one with the Grand Cross - my experience is they are very hard to get out of…to escape and you can see why. You can see it visually, I mean! You don’t even need to know astrology.
The chart is a map, yes? It is. And in both these cases, well, just look at them. It’s like a closed system! These configurations…the Grand Cross (red square shape for the newbies) in the one chart is closed. And do you know how that feels?
Well look at all the right angles. It feels like riding the Scrambler. Do you know that ride? It jerks you, then jerks you, then jerks you, then jerks you. You go ’round and ’round then ’round, jerk, jerk, jerk at the angles. And this is fun when you’re sixteen! This if fun when you’re twenty one! But you get a little older and you maybe want to vomit less…and that would be me. I am tired of puking.
So please understand if you show up with your Mars square mine and you want to fight and fight and fight …and if I draw a composite and a Grand Cross is starin’ back at me…well, I’m going to walk. ‘Kay, babe?
And regarding the other chart… well the Grand Trine (green triangle) is closed and so is the Mystic Rectangle (rectangle shape). The Kite (looks like a kite) is also closed and this has the same effect. Wherever you go, there is no door! So when you’re in it, you’re in it, but you just don’t get beat up, the way you do with the hard composite.
So this is my experience. And these are obviously extreme examples, but that’s good. Because they manifest in ways that cannot me missed or misinterpreted.
So what about you? Have you ever been “stuck” in a relationship? Are you stuck now? How does it feel to you?
Because I imagine people less commitment-phobic than me might take great comfort in these type situations. Is this true? Come on people! Help me with my research.
Thank you.
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17 Responses to “Astrology of Relationships: Synastry vs Composite Charts, Mars Square Mars, Grand Crosses and Other Frights: Part Two”
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I do feel kind of stuck in two relationships (friendship and romance)and this makes me wonder. Is there anywhere online I can obtain a composite chart? Usually I have relationships that are so easy to manuever out of, these two have been the complete opposite.
OH, my Lord, yes, I have been stuck. I don’t have my ex-husband’s birth info so I wouldn’t be able to come up with a composite chart but I definitely felt as if I had been locked in a room that looked beautiful and comfortable at first but ends up being a padded prison. It was hard getting out of that bc I felt like I should’ve been GRATEFUL bc he was so passionate about me (he was a Scorpio rising).
I’m stuck in a relationship that doesn’t exist and hardly ever existed. There is a grand cross in our composite chart with mars, uranus, saturn and jupiter squaring each other, saturn opposite mars, and uranus opposite ascendent, it looks like a grand cross. besides this the other connections couldn’t be much better. I’ve fallen in love with him 3 years ago but he doesn’t feel the same way about me. I feel trapped, because I haven’t been able to find anyone else that would make me feel as good as he did when we got together and can’t seem to move on.
Even though i’m pretty uranian, I have a 7th house saturn trine venus in capricorn (12nd house), so I’m not commitment phobic as long as I love the person. Also when I love someone I tend to love them forever.
Other then that i feel stuck in every relationship I get into if I don’t at least admire the person and can learn from them. I guess i was born to feel stuck in love, I should ask Elsa for advice.
I feel like I’m stuck now, my options limited, and torn between wanting something different and feeling guilty for being selfish. Gods, I should really send you a question!
I ~was~ stuck in a relationship for 15 years (my own doing, entirely) but managed to break free eventually. Can’t do the composite chart, haven’t got partner’s T.O.B., so I have no idea the astrology of our relationship, alas.
I do know I am wired for committed relationships (strong Venus/Libra/7H) and ‘urge to merge’ (strong Pluto/Scorp/8H) both, so…
I was just released (and yes, that is the word I’m looking for… how it feels anyways) from a relationship and I totally didn’t realize how stuck I’d felt until it was gone and I was free again. FREEEEEEE!!!!!!!
Seriously. Part of me really wants a serious, commited, secure relationship, and the other part wants to be able to pick up and leave whenever I want. I still haven’t figured out how to reconcile this situation, but I’m young, and I ponder it periodically, hoping to figure it out eventually.
For anyone interested, there’s a nice composite chart wizard available for free on AstroDienst (www.astro.com). It’s interactive as well, so amateurs like myself can click on any house, planet, or aspect and get the cookbook breakdown. As others have noted, though, you do need both birth times.
Looking at the chart of my current relationship, which is by far the best I’ve been in, there’s lots of blue lines and the squares we *do* have are “easy” squares. This makes sense to me, because I just kinda fell into this one without a care, trusting it would treat me well. So far, so good. =D
Dear Elsa,
I AM STUCK. To start, my b’day/time is 7/2/63 10:12am ET and my husband is 11/16/53. We met 24 years ago and have 3 children(24, 23 & 18 years old) together. Our relationship for the 1st 21 years was normal (well as normal as can be). We shared love through our experiences and children. About 3 1/2 years ago, our relationship changed or yet, it was my husband who started to change. He had a need to go out more outside of our relationship. From that point on our relationship started to deteriorate. I saw him less, started to not trust him and all we did was fight. He fought for his freedom and I fought for our relationship. Reflecting back, as confident as I am, I hit rock bottom in my self esteem. To date, I don’t know what happened, the bond that was so strong got sucked into a black hole. The madness did come to a point early last year where we decided to divorce and we went as far to tell our children but somehow we ended back up together again. Since then, our relationship has still been rocky because there are certain issues that I can’t accept. I know that short term I can accept but yet I look at it long term and it’s not what I want but yet I can’t let go & he doesn’t either. It’s so hard.
I have a question about the composite charts. What if there’s a great kite configuration but if it’s also loaded with hard aspects?
I pay much closer attention to the planets in any configuration than I do the aspects. Composites are useful, but they the way they are calculated makes them more like the calculations of midpoint astrology(Ebertin, cosmobiology).
Squares in any combined chart, composite or Davison (which can also be had on astro.com) are like any other square. The planets of harsh energy still represent harsh energy. Gentler planets suggest excess of other sorts.
I woul never shy away from a composite that had a Grand Square of a full moon with Jupiter and just about any other planet. I would not be interested in a kite that included really draining dynamics seen in combinations like Saturn and Neptune.
The synastry is *always* more important, and in the absence of a meeting chart, a composite will do, but like any chart, the are dynamic(changing in time). A nasty looking composite chart can be progressed and yield valuable insights.
I think the best thing to do when one lacks the confidence to judge a chart of a significant relationship in all its complexity (not just on configurations) is consult a qualified astrologer. Many astrologers counsel about challenges rather than doom your relationship, which gives more wiggle room. An astrologer’s personal approach to relationships may or may not play a part. Some believe in putting energy into commitment, while others believe there’s always someone better available. I don’t use composites to draw such astrological conclusions.
A composite does not reflect the sky(unless its a Davison chart), but reflects a choice. Therefore is not weighted, freighted, or fated like a natal chart or synastry. (at least by me) If your natal chart shows difficulty in relationships, no composite will change that.
That’s kinda too bad. I always like to think that even the person with the shittiest chart can find happiness somewhere. Well, unless it’s Hitler…
This one is tricky for me, cuz I AM the grand cross. I’ve been looking at the couple charts I still have of guys I’ve been involved with, and sure ’nuff, there are all those boxed-in looking things… Possibly a kite in one. It sorta makes me wish I hadn’t deleted the data for a couple others, as theraputic as it was.
For the most part, I’m ok with the confinement, but not always. Not permanently, either. The intense level of commitment is just fine by me, but I have to be given space too, or else I bolt.
Hi Marly,
I didn’t write they won’t find happiness, I mean they should be aware of the life pattern of *difficulty*, no matter how good the composite. Please don’t make your life less pleasant by darkening the words others write. This can be unnecessarily depressing.
If you believe life has to be effortless to be joyful, than yes, happiness will probably elude those of us with a square or 2.
Look for the good news I have written. A few squares in a composite doesn’t doom your relationship. (ore even necessarily represent unpleasant energy) Why should a difficult natal chart doom your love life? One needs to learn in depth about what is represented and cultivate its highest potential.
I have had more than my share of clients with *natal* grand squares- etc, I cannot tell them to run from themselves (even if they try). Elsa is honest, straightforward, light and funny in her advice to “run.” Personally, I want options to choose from, more than I want a decision made for me. So that’s the type of astrology I practice.
Despite difficulty, I am happy for the most part. Transitting Saturn squares aren’t a walk in the park, but I know where happiness lies. This comes from the belief that happiness is something that comes from within, rather than from impermanent circumstances beyond my control - like other people, financial security or good health. I know what I can do to support these things, and try not to get bent out of shape when the outcome is not what I hope. This is an attitude that I have earned, and I work at every day.
Smile. There is love for everyone. It is when we decide it has to be a certain way that it leaps out of reach.
I didn’t mean to misinterpret you, CC.
I know exactly what you’re talking about with the Grand Cross in the composite !!My God, I’ve been in this relation for eight years now, he’s 13 years older, and he wants out, i want out, but we simply cannot take the decision, and each time we tried, we ended up together again, last time we were separated for almost a year but still we got back with each other. It’s come at the point where we live separately, but still we are “a couple” and it’s like this: one day i feel i don’t have any air, i suffocate and i need out of this relation, the next day i realise that without him it hurts like hell, and so on and so on. I’ve started this as a casual relation, and it wasn’t supposed to become serious or anything, and look at us, eight years later, we don’t even like the same things (i’m Pisces, he’s Virgo), but we feel like we belong to each other, although we also hate each other and he and i we both want out, we talk and make plans about how to do this separation so that it finally becomes definitive, but we keep banging our heads against the corners of this Grand Cross !! So yes, i SO KNOW what you’re talking about with this Grand cross, i’m happy for you that you got out of it and hoping we’ll also be able to end it one day. It’s like… when it’s good, it’s grand, and when it’s bad, it’s horrible, but in the long run, it is so damn TIRESOME, to the point that i don’t know who i am anymore. I love this man immensely, but i simply cannot live with him and i know he cares for me, but my lifestyle is impossible for him to comprehend. Love one day, hate the next day. I am unable to DECIDE what to do and he says the same, it’s maddening, simply maddening to be unable to decide whether to stay or go… and somehow, although we do not intend to, we sap each other’s self-esteem in a way that is so damn painful. I am not committment-phobic, but it’s like he really wants too much from me, way way too much togetherness and suffocation.
In synastry, we have a grand trine in Earth signs… sigh… and he has Chiron conjunct my Sun, at 2 degrees and NN conjunct my ASC, my moon opposes his Saturn :)), his moon is conjunct my Neptune and each of our Vertex’s is conjunct the other’s Saturn although this last one i am not sure whether it is so important.
(I’m Pisces, Virgo ASC, Scorpio moon and he’s Virgo, Scorpio ASC conjunct my moon and Sagittarius moon, and in the composite, Venus+Moon+Mars+Neptune are clustered together in a stellium in the 2nd house, NN is also in 2nd house, the Grand cross is made of MC+ASC+Mercury+Saturn, in the Cardinal signs, and Saturn + VER are exactly on the DEScendant, conjunct at 1 degree with each other and with the DEscendant. Our composite Pluton conjuncts Uranus in the 12th).
And i found your website searching for grand cross and composite charts :))
Hi, I’m just out of a relationship, i want him back but he says he’s not ready for a serious relationship. Still i have the feeling we will meet again. In our synastry we have a Grand Cross with Jupiter, Mercury, Sun and Uranus. Does it mean that if we are together we will get stuck?? His sun ’s is in my 7th house; his NN on my MC; my venus,sun,mars and mercury is in his 1st; my NN in his 7th and a lot of our planets almost conjunct: Pluto, Uranus, Neptune and Chiron (his chiron and mine in my 7th). Some advice for possible relationship? Many thanks!!!!
Actually I found that Chiron is in the 7th of my composite with someone. I’d really like to know what this means. Any help??